I really don't know how to say what I am feeling so please be patient with me.<BR>I just feel like there is nothing special between H and I anymore. <BR>I am his second wife so there is nothing special about being his wife.<BR>He has 3 children by 3 different women so there is nothing special about being the mother of his child.<BR>He will lie to me as quickly as to OW so there is no trust for him.<BR>I know he is not my "soul mate" because he has put me through this hell.<BR>Please give some hope that there is something that sets me apart.<BR>I am really down tonight.<P>Jtigger

Jtigger,<BR>I have not been a bundle of happy roses lately, so I don't know if what I have to say is happy or not, but I can tell you that each and every one of us must be pretty darn special in our own way because we continue to wake up everyday and we continue to share our love and support for those who have hurt us as well as other's who are hurting as well. I think we all have to dig inside and find WHATEVER IT IS that makes us truly happy again....no matter WHAT it is! Find that thing in you, Tigger.... I am searching too...but everyone says it's out there! <P>Thoughts and prayers are with you, as all of yours have been with me!<P>~Irish

Dear Jtigger,<P>I am also a second wife and my H also has children with 3 different women. So, I know what you are feeling when you say you don't know what is special in your marriage anymore.<P>I learned a lot about myself and the specialness of my marriage. Maybe some of it will help you.<P>I AM his wife. His first wife is NOT a wife any longer and his OW never will be. The latter statement gives me particular pleasure. <P>He is at home with me and our children every night. No matter how many times he visits his other children, his entire life revolves around us. When our daughter has bad dreams, he races across the hall to her side. When our son is ill, we sit up together and comfort him. <P>There are no stolen moments in our lives. There are no guilty moments in our lives together. We share ourselves and our children openly and before the world. We proclaim our love for each other openly and to the world -- not hiding in back rooms or back seats or any other sordid places.<P>The lying -- I can understand that it is impossible to trust a spouse who lies. And, maybe this is one of the issues that you should discuss openly with your H -- not with anger, but explaining that lying keeps problems in the marriage. If you both want things to work out, there will be enough to worry about without having lies complicate things more.<P>Don't sell yourself short, Jtigger. If you were not special your H would not be by your side. To men, physically being there is the largest part of the equation. <P>It took me a long time to stop comparing myself to his ex-wife and his ex-OW. And when I stopped making comparisons and starting making my own special moments with the man I love, that is when life started to turn around. <P>I hope it will for you too.<BR>love,<BR>heavenly

hello everyone..im new here. Ive been reading for several days. I recently found out about my H and OW!!!!!!!!! I have decided to move on with my life. I will never speak badly about H to my 4 yr old son. But i want son to learn there are serious conseqences to ones actions. I want him to grow to cherish his future wife. NOT LYE TO HER. I believe i deserve so much better. So i read your post and it spoke to me... Im first wife with first child. OW says shes P H says cant be. He used protection. Thank God. I would have killed him if he put my life at risk for a few nites of unattached sex!!!!!!!!!!!! But if youve decided to stay with H then u really need to find what makes u happy. What is it about u and your life (not H) that makes u happy? You choose to remain in your situation and hopefully its for the best. But i hope u choose for u. Not your children... children sence stress from parents. I couldnt do that to my son. So u make self happy so u can bring that happiness back in life and back in home.God Bless

tigger,<BR>I think what you are feeling is another one of the downs that we all seem to have to go through when dealing with this. <BR>Everything seems to have to be rebuilt at least it did for me. I found that as heavenly has said start making your own special moments and this part of it also gets better. When you get enough of the good memeories built up they really do wipe out the bad. Hope you are feeling better today. with love flowerseed<P>