Good Morning to All you ladies and gents out there,<BR>I have been lurking on this board for many months now and I feel compelled to write you all.<BR>Not all of us Other Women are as bad as you portray. I for one and trying my dammest to make things right for my daughter. I have known her father for 10 years now. Yes ladies it was a ten year affair. From day one he has lied to me and to this day he continues to lie to me and his wife. I have gone through extensive therapy to try to get this man out of my life and head. I am trying to be a model mom for my daughter. I never want her to end up making the mistake I made. I have never demanded he leave his wife and child for us. I have never threatened to take him to court. I have only asked if he WANTED to be in our childs life that he do it because he wants to, not because I want him too. I receive $50.00 weekly in child support. I have not asked him for a penny more. She is my soul responsiblity. I send her to nursery school daily. I work very hard to pay her way. I am trying to make everything right for her. I have read post from the BW's here and have told him to please let his wife be involved in the decision making in regards to visiting OC. He has not taken one of my suggestions. He continues to come see her without his wife's knowledge. He has told his parents about OC and they have welcomed her into thier homes with open arms. They take her to their house every weekend to spend the weekend with them. They feel I can use the break and have some time to myself while they visit with their granddaughter. They too have also hidden from his wife the fact that they have become active in their Granddaughters life. I often wonder to myself why he would continue to lie to his wife about seeing his daughter, supporting her, going to nursery school events, etc. <BR>You all portray us as bad people. I at one time considered myself a bad person for falling for his lies, I put all the blame on me, till I went to therapy and saw he was too the bad person. I admitted my wrong doing but I was also lied too from day one, him saying he was divored and so on. I only want what is best for my child. She is my only child and will always be my only child, I cannot have any more children. I guess most of you BW will say justice has been served. I never tried to force her father to be a father to her, this is a decision he has made on his own. My only wish is he would be a man and tell his wife that he has continual contact with our child so she can make her own decisions on the faith of our childs relationship with her father. I feel she needs to know the truth and nothing but the truth if their marriage will survive. He continually sneaks around to see his daughter, instead of being a man and being honest with her. He continually makes sexual inuendos when he comes to visit. I have had to leave MY HOUSE in order for him to visit with her in the manner he should be. What I am saying in this long drawn out post is PLEASE dont see us all as bad people. I have tried very hard to cope in the many years I have known him. I am trying my best to make a good life for my daughter. I have come from the pits of dispair to stop seeing the world through rose colored glasses. I have made the decision to sell my home and move far away if he does not own up to his wife and become a better husband to her. I feel my daughter is in their way. I know all of the wives on here are hurting. But some of us Other Women are hurting too. You see, some of us realize how low we are and are truely trying to recitify and make some kind of decent lives for ourselves and our child. Thank you for reading this.

Trying To Cope,<BR>I dont think all ow are bad we really do know that there are women like you, when someone is sorry for there mistakes thats all it takes with me and I can forgive. Things have just really gotten out of hand around here. We just get really upset when someone tries to force there ideas or the way they think things should be onto us we have had enough unasked for stuff forced into our lives. Hope everything works out for you! with love flowerseed

Trying to Cope:<P>There are no "bad" people out there. There are just people doing bad (or wrong) things.<P>That being said, you are still "doing" wrong. Perhaps not as actively as you were when the affair started. But you're surely acting as an accomplice to your OM. Can you imagine the hurt and sheer trauma that your OM's wife will feel when she discovers that her husband has had a 10 year affair with you, that you have a 4 year old daughter from this, and that her in-laws have known and supported this secret relationship from the very beginning.<P>It's great that in therapy you found out that you're not the only person in the wrong here. Becuase you're not: your OM is certainly responsible for this mess, and his parents are contributing. And I'm sure that his wife has helped in making the marriage a less than happy place to be.<P>But you haven't taken responsibility for what YOU have done wrong, and you've certainly not corrected this issue. I would strongly urge you to sit this OM down and tell him that he will never see his daughter again without his wife's knowledge and consent. And then deal with the harsh realities that may follow. And I'd do it soon: your daughter is getting to the age where she's going to deeply hurt if she loses her father, or discovers what a lying snake he is. I do wish you luck: the longer these lies are perpetrated, the worse the repercussions are.

I HAVE TO GIVE IT TO YOU NOT ALL OW ARE THE SAME.MY SITUATION IS PRETTY MUCH LIKE YOURS BUT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT I AM ENVOLVED 100% IN PARTICIPATION WITH THIS OC.THE OW JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE THAT MY H TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE. H TOLD HER THAT HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD AND EVERY OTHER WEEK WE GET CHILD FOR THE WEEKEND. THIS CHILD IS ABOUT 4MOS.AND IT IS STILL PAINFUL FOR ME. BUT I DO NOT WANT HIM TO SNEAK TO DO ANYTHING.WE JUST MADE UP SOME AGREEMENTS ABOUT THE DO AND DON'T'S OF THIS OW. WE ONLY HAVE INTEREST INTHE OC NOT OW. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS MY H TO GO OVER TO THE OW HOUSE FOR ANYTHING. WE GO TOGETHER AND PICK UP/DROP OFF CHILD. I REALLY THINK THAT YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR CHILD'S DAD THAT IF HE DON'T TELL HIS WIFE ABOUT THE VISITATION THEN YOU WILL. IT IS TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL FOR HIM TO NOT TELL HER AND EVERYBODY ELSE KNOWS. AND IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER TOO ONCE THE W KNOWS THEN H WILL NO LONGER TRY TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN WITH YOU. ONCE THE W IS IN THE PICTURE THEN THEY CAN PICK CHILD UP AND TAKE HER AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE FOR VISITATION.