Please help me! I really feel so alone and lost again. Please read my other posts to make a long stroy short. This has nothing to do with finances, but it's the "friend" thing again. Very similar to crunchies post in April. We aren't seperated because he knows it will literally kill me. That and he can't be without my son, but basically we've found that if I'm happy he's not and vise versa. He wants to socialize with other people (women included)but I have no desire to. I never did. Especially with other men. If they were his friends than that would be fine, but his W is someone from work again. They are just friends and he's just being a friend to her, but I'm scared that they may fall in love or something. Why open the door for that to happen ya know? Please help me! I will write more later.

So, you and your H are not 'in love', and he is developing friendships with women. You should be frightened.

I noticed that in your first post almost 2 years ago you say your H told you he was not in love with you. What steps have you taken to rectify this situation? What are his ENs? Do you meet them? What about your LBs? Have you done a good Plan A? What marital state are you in? What marital state is your H in?

It's pretty obvious that the POJA is not in effect in your marriage. You need to be doing some negotiating with your H and explaining your fears calmly, rationally, and without LBs (aka - NO JUDGING). The absolute best thing you can do is to approach this with your H in a non-threatening manner to discuss your feelings on the situation. Read up on 'Thoughtful Requests' and 'Respectful Persuasion'.

The more interesting issue to me is why the M is still in this state when you found MB so long ago. What has happened since then? What steps have been taken to build and strengthen the marriage?

I'm sorry you are going through this. You sound really upset. I would like to be able to help you, but there are so many missing gaps (especially in time) for me to have a clearer picture of what is going on in the marriage.

C,

First off you sound like you could really use a hug!

{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}

I really don't know how to help you because like Takola I have alot of unanswered problems. I can tell you if you work at this it can help. My H and I had probably the worse marriage possible, and we have recovered.

Answer Takola's questions and I'll be back.

One other question that I wanted to ask. What are you doing to show you H care and protection.

Le

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=016857

Alot of things in this post are negative. PLEASE pick through it as there are some good posts about how a marriage ends up in trouble. My responses to the poster are trying to help her see that.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=016855

Maybe this will help.
Le

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=016857

Alot of things in this post are negative. PLEASE pick through it as there are some good posts about how a marriage ends up in trouble. My responses to the poster are trying to help her see that.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=016855

Maybe this will help.
Le

No! It is not right that he have girlfriends.

HE was suppose to forsake all others.
that means you are "IT" his girlfiend, companion and what ever..you are "IT" for him..he is not allowed to have female friends..no playdates,
lunches together with the opposite sex.

HE is doing crazy making with you. it is not right.

others are not suppose to come first...
the reason your asking is because he has convinced you, that he is right and your wrong.
that you are an enabler just like drinking gambling there are womanizers..which he likes to have admiration from other women..my husband was like this, they would run their fingers through his hair..didn't bother him..so he figured it was ok..I did not see it that way..I got to the point I felt like the next women who touched him I would rip their face off..I don't know what it is with people..the women who do this..or the men who allow it..are there signals they send out or what..it is too weird for me..

but mine needed to say no...don't..don't do that..
I don't like that..but the thing is..HE DID LIKE IT..I am the one it bothered..he liked it so he felt he didn't have to say anything it was ok with him it didn't mean anything to him..

we could not go anywhere even when he was healthy waitresses could not keep their hands off him..??!!
I felt like someone who was out with a star..like some women were drawn to him..I do know he asked for attention by flirting smiling joking etc..
he drew attention, started it lots of times.

made me sick to my stomach go out for a romantic dinner to be ignored while he chats with the waitress..but then he finally got back to me..I NEVER left a tip..NEVER..if he did I took it..
I felt she got her tip..already..I got nothing.

Please smarten up this lasted my whole marriage and he always promised to stop but did not it was like an addiction..actually it is sickening and it even happened in church..that really made me ill..I would be worshipping and here we all were arms raised praising God..and I look and he is staring at a girl someone poked me in the back to get him to stop..when we were leaving church I asked him WHAT was that all about..he said oh..that..her dress..I liked her dress...

another time there was a youth choir from college..and he locked on to one of the girls there up in the choir..and then they were told to go find someone to pray for who they were drawn to
of course her and hubby were eyeballing each other..through the whole service..so she came right to him..and he later told me..WOWWW that girl radiated the love of God..I felt the Holy spirit..from her..told him "you did not feel that you were lusting after her..and it was the devil"
he would just infuriate me with this crap...
please get help with this it is an addiction of some sort..mine had a narcissic personality disorder he was crazy too..

be safe..take care of you..they will suck the life right out of you..,make you feel and tell you that you have a problem..well yes we do..and the problem is them..

know that you funtioned while he was away..so don't believe his lies..you can handle life alone..it is when they are around we become inept because they tell us we are no good for nothing..to build themself up when indeed..we are the one who does it all..at least I did..the problem with me was I did it too good..everything to show him..I CAN DO THIS..so learned how to even nurse him right down to therapy physical thereapy damaged my body caring for his needs..

get therapy for you..perhaps get away from him for awhile till he stops the flirting stuff..
but mine did it forever it isn't going to be easy..

don't be afraid of being alone..you did it before there are programs for women now to help..right down to housing..

seems like you have tried for 2 years to no avail..now change something..get the book
the dance of anger..it is time to do some different dance steps..do something different..
hugs..Keep on keeping on..

sorry but this triggered me...grrrrr. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I remember what I put up with needlessly