We went to court yesterday to establish the CS. H makes about $1200.00 a month and they ordered him to pay $525.00 dollars a month + $7,000.00 back child support (he didn't know it was his till 2 months ago) + $400 for DNA testing. They didn't take into account any of OUR bills or that we have a child. If we don't spend money on an attorney we will never be able to move out of his parents house. OW was actually laughing when she walked out of the hearing room. I was soooo pi**ed. I said (loudly) I guess it pays to be a wh*re nowadays. Then last night we find out from her ex-best friend of 7 years (H's cousin) all kinds of things that I wish someone would have told us before we went to court. OW lives with her parents in a VERY small house. Her room is just big enough for her bed and the crib. But the baby has NEVER even slepth with her. Her mom takes care of her. Now OW is moving out of her parents house with a friend and leaving the baby there. (I wonder who will pay her rent) She also found out that H had to pay a share of child care so she put her in day care last month. Even though her mom doesn't work and wants to watch her. The baby calls grandma mom. She leaves the baby with her mom everytime she leaves the house. She even takes off for days at a time and leaves her there. She made out a list yesterday of all HER bills that the CS would pay (car pmt, tanning bed, rent). She didn't even feed the baby solids till she was 9 months old and they wonder why she weighs 17 pounds at 14 months old. And her mother is going out of state for 2 months and taking the baby with her. And that's just half of all the things we heard. I was so mad by the time I heard everything that I was shaking. She was marking her calander to make sure she knew when to get pregnant and now that my H doesn't want her, she wants nothing to do with the child. We are suing her for custody. There is no way that she will raise this child. She is already abusing her. I just hope we can prove it in court. I really don't want to have to raise her, but If that is the only way we will be able to survive I will do it. And I will do it right. <P>It if all comes down to it, CD, I might need some advice on the divorce issue. We discussed it, and it might be our only way to stay on our feet. Or at least alot better then moving to Mexico.<P>Jess

I am so sorry to hear your bad news! I am not in your position, but I feel for the loss of your support, due to the unfair CS system.<P>Tigger

See my lets take action<BR>we've GOT to try to do something about cs<BR>I hope you get custody<BR>the child deserves respectful parents<BR>i hope i one day get the chance to go for custody<BR>he shouldn't have to pay her if she doesnt have the baby. pay her mom if anything<BR>Child care should only count if it is so she can WORK<BR>we too are faced with back support from the day of birth<BR>though we didn't get dna back until maybe feb or march<BR>and we hadn't even heard from her<BR>last we knew she wanted "all rights to herself" and WE WEre NEVER going to see it or have anything to do with it and she wouldn't put the baby through court battles<BR>i know hwat you mean about the bills<BR>my h will not be left with enought to even make the house payment let alone any bills<BR>what they do count comes off of his gross pay and waht they add gets added to the standard support from the chart<BR>there is no rights for OUR Children <BR>they get financially punished for having both parents

Dear Jessry, <BR>I am so very sorry. Why don't you see if you can pull off a fake separation before you actually consider divorce? But I will be glad to answer any questions.<P>Have you thought about filing for custody of oc? Sounds like you might possibly have a case that way, too.<BR>cd

Dear Jess,<P>I feel so sorry for you and for the OC. Some of these OWs should be prosecuted for the way in which they abuse their children. Since the child did not serve the purpose, she is obviously willing to just throw the child away.<P>Even though you are hurting from the unfair CS, you still must have a huge heart to be willing to take on custody of this poor child.<P>I wish you courage and wisdom to do what is best for you.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

CD,<BR>We are considering seperation/divorce as a last resort. But, we live with his parents and don't know how to make it look real.

jessry, I am so sorry.The amount of CS sounds outrageous given H's income. I wish you well, can you contact the court with the new info you have about the OW and get proof documenting her trumped up charges of day care, etc? You may need to get a lawyer to help you defend your rights, and maybe the CS can be reduced. Worth at least talking to a lawyer for a usually free consultation for first hour.

ISB,<BR>"Free consultation"? What's that? We called every lawyer in town yesterday and the cheapest consult is $50.00. One lawyer wanted $235.00. Yeah right! Can anyone give me any clues as to what this could cost? We have never done any of this before. And hopefully this will be the last time we do. H's cousin said that once OW hears that we are going to sue for custody that she will try to give up rights to her mom. My SIL says that we could go over to her house and pick up OC and she couldn't do anything about it because right now no one "has" custody of her. Any one ever hear of that?

Jessry,<P>Yes actually I have heard of that. No one has custody? I am not sure what you could do. I have been told that if no one has custody then you could take child and ow would have to go through courts to get her back. Not sure if its true though.<P>On cost...our lawyer was in a different state than us and he wanted a 2000.00 deposit. Normally it was 1200 but since we were in another state he wanted more. He was 160 per hour but gave us a 20 p/h discount since H was in military. We did get the most expensive I called, but that is bc he came highly reccomended. See if oyu can get a phone consultation. Thats what we did and the lawyer did talk to us for free. Of course we were on the other sid eof the country so we couldnt exactly come in. What state are you in? I jumped on child support calculators online the other night just to see the difference between ow's state and mine. There was a 200 difference and the high one was her state. And her state (on the calculator) took into consideration cs he already pays and our child. Tx calculator doesnt even consider that and it was 200 less. That is amazing! is ow in the same state?<P>Good luck and let us know...<P>Lots of prayers<P>bw

where are all these calculators?<BR>for each state???

How about calling Child Protective Services??? This constitutes neglect! Ask them to investigate the mom! I would think that taking physical custody of the child would help your (custody) case, proof that the mother is not involved! Especially if it took a long time for "mom" to start looking for the kid. What a horrible situation! I personally would prefer custody of OC to child-support (outrageous numbers!) and I wish you all the best and prayers!!!!

never_be_same<P>Try this site. <A HREF="http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/</A> <P>Jtigger<P>[This message has been edited by Jtigger (edited April 20, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Jtigger (edited April 20, 2001).]

Jessry, All states are different, but I do not think ow can give up rights to her mom, if the nature father, your H, is alive and his whereabouts are known. The court should know that your h is alive and where he is since they just ordered him to pay cs. But stranger things have happened and I would not let that go through. I saw two cases in the same day as I sat in court waiting for our turn, of mothers trying to turn rights over to her mother, child's grandmother, in both cases judge said no way. That was in NJ. You are in Florida aren't you? I think a lot of the laws many be similar, I have noticed a lot of lawyers in my state are also licensed to practice in Florida, I wonder why? I would definitly go for custody, no doubt in my mind about it!!!! Two reasons, one the treatment of this child is unthinkable and second to support child on your own costs less than paying cs. I can not understand that for the life of me!!!!!!!!I wish we could get custody, it took us close to 2 years and 2,000.00 just to get to meet the oc and get small visitation. He is five years old now, and it seems the older the child is the more issues the court had to take into account when deciding on visitation. Go for what you can while the child is still young. I told my h to spend the money, so at least we can get the ball rolling, we have struggled ever since Feb. because of the money we spent but I would do it again. It helps me to know that at least things are looking better on our side since lawyer became involved. This country makes me sick, you can not get anything done without lawyer fees and the cs laws are so screwed up. I dont't mean to bring you down I wish you the best and think you should do what your heart tells you, that is what I did when I was at the lawyers office and giving him the deposit, I just knew unless I did I would never be able to rest right. I do not regret getting the lawyer and I hope we can get more acomplished in the near future. I hope the best for you. Peace, Gabi1116

This is the link I used...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/" TARGET=_blank>www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/</A> <P>Love<P>bw

Jessry,<BR>So sorry it is such a bunch of crap hang in there, your in our prayers.

Thank you all for all your help and prayers! I'll take all I can get At this point I am just so mad at OW for not only putting my family through all of this crap, but for the way she is treating that child. I was all for having no contact what so ever, but there is no way that we will pay her $525 a month and the child doesn't even live with her. I realized that it's not OC's fault that my H and OW messed up. If she wants her mother to raise her, then H will let her adopt her. But we will fight OW for her if she doesn't. I will accept her because she is my husbands daughter. Although I might not like it too much. Thanks again guys!!

Have you talked to the grandmother to see what kind of cooperation or mistreatment you'll get on that end? Just curious.<BR>Good luck!

Jenny,<BR>No, we haven't talked with her family. I don't know them and don't really want to and H won't. We have an appointment for Wednesday to talk with a lawyer. I guess we will see what our options are before we do anything.<BR>

Jessry, just to let you know up front, I am an OW. I'm hoping I can give you some helpful info. Bear in mind that these are generalities. Each state has laws that vary to some degree. First off, if your H's name is on the birth certificate AND custody was not addressed in court, then your H could very well pick up the OC and not take him/her back. If he does that, I would highly recommend filing for custody the same day. The OW can call the police, but if she does not have a court order awarding her custody, and your husband has proof that he has filed for custody, the police can make a "suggestion" but ultimately will have to concede that it is a civil matter. If the OW does not have the child, she is not entitled to CS. I would file a motion to modify IMMEDIATELY! At this point in time, Grandma doesn't really have any legal rights to OC and cannot oppose you. The big questions is, are YOU prepared to do something like this? It does't sound to me like the OW is fairing better than you as far as the livig situation. If she's habitually abandoning the child to the care of the grandmother, and you want to support your H in obtaining custody, I would say the OC would be better off as far away from OW as possible.<P>If you want good, legal advise, address a post directly to Bystander.

Ohbratti1.... you are too slick! I am in total awe of how well you have addressed this situation! Man.... all these folks who are chomping to put fathers name on BC should really beware of what they are asking for!<P>Ohbratti.. I also am sharp enough to understand that what you are stating must be your worst nightmare. You are a very kind and generous woman to open up and give as a gift to those in the "other side" an idea as to what your fears are. I don't know if I could be that kind. <P>Blessings to you and your child. Peace, understanding and joy will come your way... I am sure of it. Carolyn