Hey Carolyn,<P> Your post shook me. I am doing pretty much what you did, except that my love for my wife hasn't been drained, yet. Thank you, very much.<P> God bless you, <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Gregg<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I hate to put it this way, but if you can talk your wife into leaving the children with you, DO IT. Then get a temporary custody order in place, then file for CS on her.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I completely concur (but don't tip your hand). It sounds like she would be willing to do this as a temporary issue. Discuss it with a lawyer (covertly).<P>It'll be a lovebuster when she finds out, but you'll be able to mitigate it. And the only way it really affects her is if she chooses to walk away from the marriage (assuming you don't go divorcing her first).

Gregg, you are working with two of the very best at "psycho warfare" with CD and I. Sorry to say this, but you are in the trenches right now and you must play a little smarter that the average bear. So, whatever is unexpected, do it. Ask her to leave now. And tell her that Linzi is staying. Don't ask her if Linzi is staying. Tell her. If she wants to fight, let her get a lawyer & fight you. She won't. <P>Remember this little motto. Whenever you have a question about things.. ask yourself... "what are my true intentions" "what am I really trying to accomplish or who am I trying to serve?". If the answer is... your children or family... then you are doing thr RIGHT thing. As long as you know that you have taken a truely moral stance for the good of your children, then whatever the outcome... you will be ok. You will know you tried. And you will be able to look your children in the face and say so. <P>Love... Carolyn

Dear Bystander,<P> Your logic is impecable, and you are right , as usual. I have know doubt I would be in a position of strength in the courtroom, I just don't know if I could do it.<P> Also, Counselor, I am already paying child support on two children from a previous marriage, (she had an affair also. Do I know how to pick 'em??) How does that figure into this scenario??<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey guys, <P> Thank you, thank you!!, I'm trying to keep up.<P> Heavenly, thanks for the courtroom strategy, I wish you were licsensed in Missouri.<P> Carolyn, your advice is sage, because you have been where I am. Not sure if I did a good plan A, or if I was a good doormat!<P> God bless you,<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey Bystander,<P> W would agree to leave Linzi with me, to finish the school year, but Lexi( Angel) would go with her.<P> God bless you,<P> ( Wifes' mother already questioned wife on "abandonment" issue when this first started. Wife said she didn't think I would do that to her. Could this be any more gut-wrenching?)<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey tigger,<BR> <P> I wish I was where you are, too, I really do. Thank you.<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Gregg, let her try to take Angel. Talk to a lwayer. I would be willing to bet that YOU are the legal person in this fight. That will shock wife. And also, let her explain to Linzi why she is staying & Angel is going. You have got to be tough here. Quit protecting her. Let her swim in her own "stuff". Without you to hold her hand, I bet she sees real quickly that she will sink. I don't care why she might decide to stay (fear of losing children, fear of losing you, etc.) the point is.. she will see that she needs to stay. I am sorry but I bet she sees you as a little bit of a doormat right now. A doormat with a backbone is a MEAN ANIMAL. <P>Hopefully you are not seeing us as all being a bit-hy bunch of folks ready to tromp your W. I just want another family to survive. Your girls deserve that. Right? Carolyn<p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited May 10, 2001).]

<p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited May 10, 2001).]

Hey Carolyn, <P> I see you guys as my best friends!!!<P> Hey K,<P> Are there variations on the no contact rule? The logistics could get real complicated with Linzi staying with me. Can there be any leeway??<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey Guys,<P> AArrgh!!! Flood control!! My oldest daughter( Erin) runs the anchor leg in the 4 by 200!! Had to go!! Be back later!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey Guys,<P> Took Erin out to dinner, such a sweet kid.<P> I just wanted to thank everyone, so much good advice, so much to digest, I will be re-reading this post for a couple of days, ( I feel like I'm cramming for finals). I don't want to miss anything!!<P> God bless you all, I'm just overwhelmed!!<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Dear gregg,<P>I have a story to tell you that has to do with a "loving two men" kind of situation that may or may not be relevant to you. I thought you may want to hear it just in case there is an insight or two to be had from it. But because of privacy reasons, I don't want to post it here. I could change names, but the identifying charicteristics would have to stay the same, so I would rather email you with it. I don't have your email address, but if you email me at (now deleted) I will get right back to you.<P>-cd<p>[This message has been edited by cdcollins (edited May 12, 2001).]

Gregg,<P>There are certainly "variations" to the no contact rule. But in general, you want to be as firm as possible because:<P>1. You don't want to see/hear/know about the affair after separation (protect your feelings of love).<P>2. You don't want to meet any of your spouse's needs. The only exceptions can be family committment (being a great dad) and perhaps a financial one (if you choose to).<P>God bless

Hey K,<P><BR> Thank you, thank you very much!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey cd,<P> I'm at glt1054@kc.rr.com, just in case you didn't get my e-mail.<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hi Gregg,<BR>I got it and sent you the story just now.<BR>-cd

Hey cd,<P><BR> God bless you!!!<P> Have you been blowin' some cool jams on that horn, Diz??<P> <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Gregg,<P> You have gotten some wonderful advice. Take it to heart and pray about it. I just wanted to offer my love, prayers, and support.<P>Broken_Wings

Hey BW,<BR> <BR> Thank you, God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg