strange conversation last night-<P>In the middle of our nightly chat when he got home from work, <BR>H: "I think of you all the time, "<BR>Me: (teasing)"You say it like that's a bad thing" <BR>H: "It just makes me mad sometimes"<BR>Me: (totally perplexed)"Why?"<BR>H: "It's like you've won"<BR>Me: "What did I win, you?"<BR>H: "I guess"<P>ughhh!!!<BR>He had a longterm GF before we met that he really committed to, would do anything for, etc. she treated him like sh**. I always theorized that this is why he was reserved with me. I was right, the night that he told me that he didn't realize how much he loved me till now (post PA, pre D-day) I asked if he finially figured out that i'm not her. he said yes.<P>is him still wanting to be reserved why it makes him "mad"? kinda scarry, sounds like he still wants to keep a sorta wall around his heart....<BR>angering, too...i've always 'thought' of him 24/7, even when i seemed 'out-of-sight, out-of-mind' never made me mad!!! <BR>and sorry, with my past, i have should have more trust issues than him!<P>

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Dear dumbstruck,<BR>My h also spent a lot of our marriage with a "wall" around his feelings, especially those regarding his childhood. He had a hard time trusting me enough to open up completely, and when he would "let the walls down" he was almost angry with himself for letting himself be vulnerable.<P>My bet is that your h is just deeply afraid of getting hurt. he knows that he hurt you and is scared that you will try to hurt him in retaliation. To this day, my h fears that I will cheat on him to "get back" for what he did to me. He "knows" that I wouldn't do that, but he can't quite wipe out the fear completely.<P>I think that your h's anger at himself is really deepseated fear in disguise. You have his heart in your hand, and he can't help but be afraid that you will crush it. Why don't you try sitting down with him and talking about why he is so afraid to be vulnerable.<P>Good luck, and let us know how you're doing.<BR>cd