Well as some of you know my mother hasn't taken the news of the A and OC very well. She has basically had no words for H, gives him dirty looks when we are over there with the kids. Plain ole pissy. Everytime I'm over there alone or just with the kids she has snide comments and really pissy things to say about him to me. <P>I've asked her several times to quit with the comments because they hurt my feelings. I've asked her to just respect what he and I were doing. Then her comment back is something like, "why should I respect what you're doing, he didn't respect you when he was f'ing that girl."<P>Well my pleas weren't working and last week my H told me he is so uncomfortable over there and so unwelcome that he will not being going to her house ever again. My heart ripped apart. Not only was my daughter's birthday party scheduled there this Sunday, but I hated the thought of having to choose between my mom and my H. I didn't like thinking that if I went to my mom's my H couldn't be there with us.<P>So, after much stress that night I stayed up all night. I wrote a letter telling her that I hated how she was acting to H. I told her that I chose to stay with my H because this is the first time in our entire marriage we are both working at it. Talked about how the first four years we were just going through the motions of marriage and now realize that it's hard work every single day. <P>Told her that it's my life, my choice and my family and if she puts me in a position to choose, I will choose my family as painful as it will be. Told her I loved her and didn't want her to miss out on my happiness and my beautiful children's lives. Also told her that she didn't have to love him or like him. But she should respect what we are trying to do. And realize that what we both need is encouragement to keep up the good fight and fight for our marriage. He needs positive engery as much as I do. <P>I pointed out how his family is always doing that. They offer to take the kids all the time so we can go just be together. They are going out of their way to give us more tools to make this thing work. <P>Well, we spoke briefly after she read it and it didn't seem like it got through her thick head. All she really said was that H didn't act like he was sorry and never expressed to her what it is he wanted to do with our marriage. (A couple of days after I told her she had confronted him and it wasn't a pretty conversation, if you know what I mean) I had an appointment and had to leave.<P>That night I told H about the letter and he was like... I don't owe her an explanation of what I'm doing with my marriage... and the conversation got worse from there. <P>I basically told him that if he could just talk to her nicely and explain what our common goal is here it might make her feel a little better. He wasn't having it and said that he wasn't in the business of making her feel better. Super duper stubborn. I told him it would make me feel better. He just acted like it wasn't an option... I dropped the subject because I didn't want a fight.<P>Well.... Sunday comes, the day of the party. H says he will go to my mom's but won't be happy about it. Well we walk in and H was all smiles to mom, and she back to him. She asks him to light the grill, he does and cooks the food without her asking. She offers a drink, he says thank you all sweet. I'm like WOW! Then it's time to go home, he says goodbye to her and bends down and kisses her forehead!!!!!!!<P>Can you say..... floored! I was thinking I was in the twilight zone.<P>I guess I'm blessed with two hard headed people in my life who listen...but don't let on that they heard! <P>Just a "short" peek-a-boo into my life.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

thanks for sharing a success story. we all need to hear those to help us see there is light at the end of the tunnel! glad things worked out with them. it helps to have your family united when things are rough. take care.<P>happy_girl

Zebra, What a wonderful story. I am really happy for you. I hope I have the same results and that my h and mom can continue to have the same bond that they have now. Mom does not know about oc yet, as I have said before. Two weeks until my children and I met oc, so mom will have to be told before hand. My son will run to share the news, so I have to beat him. My h is not as stuborn as yours sounded when it comes to my mom, I think he will humble himself and ask for her forgiveness. I am going to soft the news with a brief discussion first of what a wonderful son in law, father and husband ,my guy has been and when she agrees whole heartedly I will tell her to keep that in mind as I have some news to share. <BR>Since oc was a product of an one night stand, and I had asked my h to leave before the one night stand because of other problems we were having at the time, I think this will also soften the news. Well how does that all sound. Any comments or advise feel free. Peace to all my wonderful MB friends, Gabi1116

i think with your situation Gabbi, it'll be better than mine was. My H and mom already had tension before this whole thing exploded. It just added fuel to the fire.<P>I'm wishing you the best of luck sweetie. Oh, and thank God you have a humble husband. Mine is a hardass.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear Zebra and Gabi,<P>Zebra, it must have been hard for you to write that letter to your mom. But, thankfully, it was the perfect approach. Congratulations on setting your mom and H back on the path to reconciling their differences.<P>Gabi, you have a great model here. I think the most important thing for our mothers to understand is that we have analyzed the situation and we have made a conscious decision to work your marriage out. <P>Certainly an OW and OC must be shocking things to old-world type moms, and they are concerned that our H's have shown such disrespect to their baby girls. But, if your mom sees that you are truly happy with your marriage and that you want to make it work, I think she will have less trouble with it.<P>It seems to be important for parents that staying together is a well-thought out choice and that the WS has made a new commitment to the marriage.<P>Good luck. I will be praying for you.<BR>love,<BR>heavenly

moving on up

Dear Zebra,<P>I just wanted to add that I too am very glad your H and Mom came to there senses and realized what they would be losing out on. That is just wonderful, wonderful news. It sure is nice to see some poitive things on here again.<P>Love and Prayers<P>bw

Worth reading again.

zebrababy,<BR>I'm very happy for you. I haven't had the nerve to tell my parents because I don't need the stress.<P>Jtigger<BR>

Zebrababy,<BR>My Mom would probably want me to leave H. She's hinted that recently. I haven't had the courage to tell her H is coming home.<BR>I will though. She and he have never seen eye to eye. And when and if she finds out he's gonna see C !!!!Oh! I WON'T tell her that. She'd call me crazy!!! heh...heh..heh..<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

<B>zebrababy</B><P>Thanx for sharing and I am so....<P> <P>for you and your hubby. Family too!<P>Hugs,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 24, 2001).]

to the top.<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....