I've been with my wife for seven years and married for two of those years. We have two boys that are 5 and 3 who we love very much. Over the past seven years I have continually lied to my wife about my drug usage. I smoked marijuana a couple times a year and every time she found out. But whenever she would suspect it I would deny it to the end until she would break down and cry and I would give in and fess up. This exact senerio played itself out about six or seven times over the course of our relationship.During this time I also was very distant emotionally, not very loving and not all that interested in her intrests. In her words "we are like roomates". Although I have acted in these ways I never thought that I was purposely hurting her and never thought that it was this bad. Over the past five months I have stayed with friends then back at home, but more or less because I had no where else to go, and now I'm back out of the house. While in the house things where fine in the begining[we still had the understanding that we were separated and I was on the couch]. She made the comment that it was nice having me there. But from that point on it went down hill was talking all the time about getting back togather and it was too much for her and she felt it best for me to stay some where else. She has stated that right now there is no way that we can get back togather because of the lack of trust. And at one point in time a divorce was discussed and at the time she said just wait because we don't know what will happen next week or next month. But recently she has been seeming to warm up to the idea, and thats the furthest thing from what I want. I have been working on growing from a self centered person to one thats more in tune with her needs but its hard for her to believe anything will change because of the past. Its really wierd that I finially realized all the pain that I had caused and that I had for all intensive purposes broke up my family I almost instantly felt a change come over me. Maybe hard to believe but true, theres no other way for me to describe it. In short I lied for all seven years I neglected her feelings and hurt her so bad but now I'm trying to grow as a person so I can be a better husband but I feel it may be to late. I love my wife with all my heart and want things to work for our family but more importantly right now for our marriage. If anyone wants a little more info on my situation I would happy to provide it. I'll thanks for any advice.

This board does not get a lot of use over the weekends. You might not get much information or help here for several days. I recommend you post your thread over on the General Questions II board. They are often more active on the weekends. Or maybe on the Emotional Needs board.

Meanwhile, if your sporadic drug use is an issue in your marriage, you may need to make a choice. If you are withdrawing from your relationships and falling into the drug use, that is a clear sign that you have unmet emotional needs or distress.

A good counselor might be helpful. I know going to counseling is not a thing men like to do but, if you want to get over your behaviors that are destructive to your marriage, you might want to go.

Additionally, how much reading have you done on this website. Have you read His Needs/Her Needs. It's a good book. The Harley principals work for many couples. (I don't mean the Harley-Davidson principles, by the way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )