My H cheated on me about eight months ago and now the ow is pregnant and due May 25 and paternity is yet to be established. I am trying to get info about taking her to court for emotional distress. I was 7 months pregnant with our second child at the time I found out about the affair and possibly my H child. I live in MN and I really feel strongly about making her take responsibility for her actions since she knew H was married with one child and one on the way. It's not the money I want from her it's that I want her to feel the agony and embarrassment this has caused me.

I also looked into suing ow. In the great state of PA, I would have had to get a divorce in order to sue her, because otherwise I couldn't prove "damages". the theory is that if I didn't have enough emotional distress to get a divorce, I didn't have enough to sue over. How ridiculous is that?<P>Maybe things are different in MN. Catnip is currently filing a lawsuit against her h's ow, so maybe she'll have some input for you.<P>Good luck!<BR>cd

I am so sorry! It was bad enough on me finding all this out without being in the middle of a pregnancy. I really am sorry.<P>As for sueing OW... I have asked my lawyer and he basically said don't bother. That I woudl have to also sue my H, since he was a co-participant in the reason I would be sueing OW. And that if we stayed together, well I had no basis for damages. This just enraged me to hear this. I still think something should be able to be done, but in Tennessee (where I am at) they have removed all the laws concerning alienation of affection. I have also wondered if I could sue on behalf of my children for reckless disregard for their welfare and financial loss. But I haven't asked that question. I am sure answer is about the same and I would also have to name my H. <P>How are you doing otherwise? Are you and H in recovery? <P>Take care... Carolyn

I told my H I don't khnow what I am going to do and I don't want to decide until we find out if it is his or not. It is looking like it is his according to her she sent him a certified letter which the post office wouldn't let me sign for it. He went to pick it up and read it without me (that was my mistake) after reading it he then tore it up and supposedly through it in the ditch in a bag. When he returned home I asked to see the letter and he told me he threw it away. It took some convincing but he finally gave it to me and it took me 2 hours to tape it back together. Talk about obsessive on my part but I needed to know what was in it. OW wrote a poem to him about wanting our marriage to slowly fade so she could be in his life with oc, and how she doesn't care what happens to me and my children. It was so hurtful for someone I don't even know and she doesn't know me to read those things, the letter was 6 pages long typed. She said she won't take him to court if he pays $550 a month and takes part in oc life, every other weekend. So H is still debating on what to do. I fear even if we decide to do that what is stopping her from taking him to court farther down the road.

First of all take it easy. I was also 10 weeks pregnant when I found out that exow was 41/2 months pregnant. We were separated when they met, so I knew about her. We have 2 other children also. The oc is a girl ,we have 3 boys and is 18 months old. My H didn't tell me about her pregnancy because she was home out of the country and he was about to move back home. He has never asked her for a paternity test and gives her A LOT of money every month. She lives a hour and a half away. He sees the baby on average of once a month. She also vowed to ruin my H with this baby and take him for everything he's got. It has been a long road. We are doing much better, but we have been back together for over 2 years. Still all communication with the ow is kept from me. He says we hate each other to ever have any communication. Not my choice. Prepare yourself for much to come.

It is truly ironic, not to mention the grossest injustice of them all, that we are left with no legal options to correct these travesties.<P>We can only get a measure of satisfaction depending on which state we live in, or where the affair took place.<P>I may LIVE in Minnesota, but the affair took place both in New York and in Texas. I cannot sue OW in NY because it has a liberal 'nanny' political ideaology and all the laws protecting women and men in our situations have been long dismissed and taken off the books. In fact, most states do not have any alienation of affection laws on their books any longer as that law is viewed as antiquated and no longer relevant. File this one under "Can you believe THIS?" However, lucky or UNlucky for me, depending on your point of view, my OW banged my husband in Texas and got knocked up there and leaves me an option of suing her for MY Personal Injury because the laws in Texas are still rather conservative.<P>At any rate, regardless of whether or not my lawsuit will make any difference whatsoever, this is something I wouldn't miss for the world. We have to start somewhere and my lawsuit is something that I've been looking forward to for nearly a year. It means traveling to Texas and opening my private life up for public scutiny but at this point, I careth not. I cannot allow her to continue to ride roughshod on us, aggressively harassing us through the very willing NY court system. This lawsuit just might take the wind out of her sails and force her back under that rock. We will see.<P>Minnesota is a lousy state to pursue an action such as this right now. Until some significant changes take place in our legal system, I do not see us getting any satisfaction or finding any protection from these opportunistics whoares and their agenda.<P>tmdt: I am so sorry you are here but you have come to the right place. We are all in the same boat here and we can help you through the terrible months ahead. I don't know how women (and men) have gotten through this horrible nightmare before the Internet as these things could never have been discussed with anyone before. Not only that, but we are relatively a very, very small group in the big scheme of things and it would have been nearly impossible to find someone else out there with the same problem to identify with.<P>You must remember that you are very new to this and are probably still in shock and are going through the worst of it right now. Believe it or not, things will get better and you will discover some amazing things about yourself, your husband and your marriage over the next two or three years. As I sit here right now, today, and look back over the past two and a half years and compare them to this moment, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gifts I have been given. I used to laugh when people told me that things between my husband and I would be better than I ever thought possible. As a cynic with a really bad attitude and loads of rage, resentment and indescribable jealousy, I knew the darkness in my soul and the squeezing in my heart was here to stay...that I would never ever feel the joy I once had felt on a daily basis...but, I was wrong. I was a hardcase who suddenly "got religion". There were few I knew who viewed the desinegration of their marriage as life's most tragic tsunami as I did. I couldn't imagine a recovery of any kind, esepcially one as significant and rewarding as this has been for me...and it has only just begun within the last six months. I have only felt like this a very, very short time.<P>So, I am here to tell you that if you work the Harley program of Policy of Joint Agreement, Rules of Honesty and Protection, post and lurk here often, you too will find your way back into a stable, loving and committed marriage.<P>Ironically, the people here seem to have a better chance at reconciliation and the spouses (for the most part) have recommitted to their spouse. My theory on this is that the overwhelming shock of the destruction and the long range effects of their actions as well as the horrific consequences, slap them back into reality very quickly, whereas the wayward spouses NOT dealing with the most horrible consequences imaginable are still living in their fantasy and still into indulging themselves. On this site, the WS's are disgraced by their behavior and it throws icy cold water on their fantasy and they are not likely to repeat their behavior or "indulge" themselves again for fear of the consequences. I guess it is a little like behavior therapy...they got zacked by the cattle prod when they did X, so they aren't likely to do X again any time soon. A weird kind of behavior modification. The good news about that is that WE had nothing to do with their actions or are not a nasty reminder of their fall from grace, so we are looked upon as an oasis and a place for forgiveness, renewal and solace....they come running home like their hair is on fire. <P>Sometimes after the initial shock of discovery, they go through a terrible few months of feeling that the damage they have done is so monumental that we will never ever forgive them so they withdraw from us and it may look pretty hopeless for a while. After we implement Plan A and show our spouses that we aren't going anywhere and continue to love them in spite of it all, they begin to realize that they are being forgiven, and the recovery begins.<P>It's a process with lots of stages and emotions that takes a long time to get through. Just come here and post and talk to the other memebers and try to focus on your marriage, read the books, study and utilize the principles and let God take care of the rest.<P>We are here for you, tmdt. Until the day comes where we can all sue OW's everywhere for the destruction they visit on our families, marriages and our lives, focus on recovery.<P>Catnip =^^= <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited April 25, 2001).]

tmtd I am glad you found us. I can't sue ow in Ohio for personal injury for the reasons stated above. We are still married.<BR>However if when C is born and dna says it's not his..WE WILL FIND AN ATTORNEY...and sue!<P>C is due in 6 days. If it comes on time we are almost sure it's H's. We are both on edge waiting.<P>Bless you.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

tmdt,<BR>Sorry you have been forced into this nightmare. I really dont have any answers for you as far as the lawsuit. I know how you feel. If there is no way you can sue the only other best way to make ow pay is make your marriage the best it has ever been and in time that will be the best revenge any of us can ask for. We are going on 2 yrs recovery oc is 1 1/2 we have no contact and as hard as it is to believe if your h is willing to win your love back then things can be better then before. Catnip said something that really made sense to me how she had wished for so long to have her life back the way it was before ow and oc and now how good things are. That is how it is with our family also I like this life much better then what we had before. Its kinda like when someone comes really close to death, everything I used to take for granted I no longer do I find joy in things that before I never would have gave second thought to. Again I'm so sorry you have to be going through this hope we can help you and your family. with love flowerseed

I just wanted to say that you have found a wonderful place for support here. Although I'm not in a great place right now...being here, posting and lurking has helped me more than I can express. I too was 5 1/2 months pregnant when I found out of H affair and OC (July '00). She sent papers to our house asking for child support and paternity. I hadn't a clue. I signed for the package and thought it was papers regarding an accident my H had been involved in. In my case the OC was 2 months old and I was due in Nov. <BR>I never really considered sueing the OW, and I don't think my H would agree to it. I agree that if you can't sue her the best revenge would be to make yours the best your marriage can be, and show her that you are both recommitted. Keep posting here and let us know how you are doing. <BR>NGU