I have read many of your posts concerning faux divorces and wanted to know if you could post some helpful hints, pros and cons for me. I know it is time consuming, but really would appreciate any help you can give. <P>Thank you!

Dear casualty,<P>Actually, I do not have a faux divorce, just a faux separation. Catnip is the one who has the faux divorce.<P>Fortunately for me, a faux separation works just as well in my state. I am guessing that you want this info in order to reduce an ow's cs order. Basically, from my experience, in order to do this you must:<P>1. establish separate addresses (you could be living separately in the same house if you can divide it up somehow, or you could say that h is temporarily staying elsewhere if you have a friend or relative willing to let you use their address)<BR>2. File for spousal support and child support through your local domestic relations office.<BR>3. Attend the hearing and have cs and spousal set up <BR>4. Have your h file for a modification of the other cs order based on "change of circumstance."<BR>5. You also have to make sure that the caseworker doesn't subtract ow's cs order from your h's net pay before doing your figures. In my case, since I had children older than oc, my case superceded hers. If you are in the same situation, make sure you MAKE them put you first.<P>the advantages are pretty simple: Ow gets less money, and more of your h's pay comes right back into your pockets<P>That's pretty much it. The drawbacks are:<BR>1. You probably will have to file separate tax returns<BR>2. You have to be prepared in case anyone ever comes to investigate.<BR>3. The cs caseworker might make you feel like crap for "taking your h to the cleaners". Not once did a caseworker ever try to make the ow feel bad for sucking my h's wallet dry, but they acted like I was a horrible wife for trying to get the amount I was entitled to.<P>I'd be happy to answer any additional questions. Let me know if you have any.<BR>cd

Dear casualty,<BR>By the way, welcome to the forum. I love to see people willing to get down and dirty to fight the injustice of this situation. Let me know if I can help in any way. "Bystander" is also a good reference for questions about these matters.<BR>cd

Dear Casualty:<P>As always, I am sorry to see someone forced to come here yet relieved they have found us...so, welcome. We will all do whatever we can to help you through the hard part.<P>cd collins has given you a treasure trove of information to consider. And Bystander may be along soon to give you additional information. We have had quite a chain reaction here with Bystander advising me to divorce and then cdcollins inspiration of getting a legal separation; I am surprised more haven't jumped on the band wagon as it is extremely financially advantageous in many cases to "divide and conquer", as in our upside down situation.<P>My faux divorce is real to all CS hearing officers, all tax agencies, beauracracies of any kind and as far as my husband and I are concerned, nothing between us has changed. We are forging ahead together, focusing on each other and our marriage and well into recovery. The official act of having a divorce on paper need not effect the real marriage in your souls and in your heart.<P>I admit initially we had some strange feelings of disconnection when we first read the words "Divorce Final February 5, 2001", but that soon went away when we went on with life as business as usual.<P>We all need to do what we must to protect ourselves and our children and our marraiges from the ravages of the evil and vicious court system where justices is truly blind...hell, she's in a near death coma.<P>No one in our family, save my mother, know that David and I are divorced because we want our family to continue to acknowledge us as a couple and besides, it's no one's business. <P>The faux divorce has protected me, given me assets that belong to me originally that had become joint property through the years and vulnerables to the long reaching arm of the OW and the corrupt and unjust legal system.<P>You must protect yourself. Do not get sucked into feeling weird about the legalese connected with divorce lingo. It is only a piece of paper and in no way changes what is in your hearts or how you feel about each other...and no one has to know.<P>Catnip =^^=

CdCollins and Catnip,<P>Thank you both for taking the time to answer my questions. Unfortunately, I have been in this situation for some time now and am finally able to use my energy to focus on this part of the equation. I do so not only to protect myself, but also my children. All of our futures are at stake and this doesn't sit well with me at all. We've already lost enough. <P>Add in I don't like others making decisions for me and you have one person once nice, kind and gentle turned into a fighter, survivor with determination to match. I'm sure you're familiar with the route one takes. <P>Unfortunately, a legal separation isn't available to me in the state I live in. By the time I fight the court system to get one, I could be divorced three times over. I don't want to wait that long. <P>From your help, I know understand what else needs done to ensure the papers are processed and are known throughout our wonderful government. I don't like I have to do this, but I don't see any other way. Paying whatever she wants and keeping my mouth shut isn't an option for me. <P>Thank you again for your help. I've been on MB for a long time, long before they added this forum (Pregnancy/Child). When I first found out, there was nothing and no other person available to discuss the problems I encountered. I wrote Dr. Harley a few years ago, asking him if he could open a board for those in my situation. I'm glad he finally did. <P>I'm sure I will have more questions and hope you don't mind me posting those questions to you. Thank you for your help. <BR> <P>