Dear Jessry,<BR>Your lawyer sounds a lot like the first lawyer we had. the advice he gave you is practically the same as our first lawyer gave us. and guess what? He never got ANYTHING done for us. Not one stinking thing in almost two years! AND ALL of what he told us was WRONG.<P>Finally, I got sick and tired of waiting for something to happen and started calling other lawyers. We definitely could not afford to pay consulting fees for each and every lawyer just to find out what they were like, so here is what I did. I waited until about 8:00 in the evening when I knew that the offices would be closed. Then I started making calls. I left messages on each answering machine briefly describing our case and giving our telephone number. Then I waited for the lawyers to call me back. I figured that only the ones who really wanted my business would call. I wasn't expecting anyone to call until the next day, but within an hour, a lawyer called. He was one who claimed to offer "24 hour service for your peace of mind". Apparantly, he meant it.<P>I told him about our situation and outlined my rules:<BR>1. I said that he had to understand that my h and I were in this together and that I would not put up with being relegated to the sidelines on any part of the procedings. I told him that if he wasn't comfortable with discussing all aspects of the case with BOTH of us, he could just forget about the whole thing.<P>2. I said that if he wasn't really "on our side" that he needn't bother to represent us.<P>3. I said that if we were going to go through the trouble of retaining him, I expected to see some action immediately. I told him that even though our case wasn't a "big ticket" case, I expected my money to count just as much as other clients. I said, "During the times that you're working on our case, I expect to be your number one priority."<P>Anyway, when I finished, he said, "Ok, I am interested. But here are MY rules. number one, I'm going to be honest with you at all times. If you want included in everything, then you'll have to listen to everything I have to say. I will say what is on my mind, and I am not going to pussyfoot around anything. so you are going to have to live with that. I am not going to waste my time sugarcoating anything for you. some of the things that come up in a case like this may be painful for you, but I'm not here to sooth your feelings so don't expect me to try. I will give you everything straight, I will do my best to win, and I will be on your side the whole time. I can and will get the ball rolling, and I can tell you that everything your last lawyer told you is a pile of s***. If you are interested in finding out what your h's rights really are, be in my office on Saturday."<P>I did talk on the phone to a few other lawyers the next day (some never called at all), but none was as straightforward as that guy, so he got our business. We have been together ever since. he is abrasive, arrogant, and sometimes insulting. but he gets the job done, and he is ALWAYS on our side. I have NEVER felt like our pi$$-ant case was a waste of his time. And, even thought it's true that he's never gone out of his way to spare my feelings when we talk about anything regarding the affair, he has made disparaging comments about ow that are obviously meant to pump me up and make me feel better.<P>My point is, don't take a lawyer that you are not entirely comfortable with. It will be a waste of your time and money. Keep calling around. Maybe you could do like I did and call after hours. You want a lawyer who really WANTS your business. You want a lawyer who is COMPLETELY on your side. If you have to call lawyers that are not located right in your town, do it. Our lawyer is in a town 30 minutes from us. You may end up with the guy whose office isn't all leather and granite, but you know what? sometimes the guys with the ratty offices work harder than the others do.<P>Anyway, this is my advice. don't pay that lawyer one dime. Find somebody who wants to fight FOR YOU.<P>Good luck,<BR>cd

By the way, I think you have 10 days to file an APPEAL. A modification can be filed for at any time there has been a change in circumstances. I would suggest that your h file an appeal immediately, just so that he doesn't lose the chance to do it. You don't have to have a lawyer to file the appeal. Domestic relations office should be able to tell you how to do it.<BR>cd

Thank you soooooooo nuch! I am about to turn off the computer and get to calling. There is a lawyer in the phone book that has Sat. appts. so maybe he will be in. When H called CS office they said that an attorney had to file to rehearing papers. I think that I might finally be getting to him. I told him, "You had sex with her! Why do I have to take the responsibility to make sure we get through this?" So, yesterday he finally got off his a** and made some calls. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, by the way, I just want to say thank everytone so very much! I have received more good advice from this forum than from anyone else. Pool everyone's knowledge together and we could start something big!!

Well, I called 13 lawyers and 7 of them had machines , so I left a message on everyone of them. I talked to a secratary at one of them, but all she could say was to come in Monday morning with CS order and $1000.00. I think I am in the wrong profession. These people are outrageous. So, I'll just wait by the phone and hope that someone calls me back this weekend. Thank you again.<BR>Jess

Dear jessry,<BR>I hope the after-hours calling pays off for you too.<P>Remember to be strong and forceful when you are "interviewing" lawyers. Don't be afraid to tell them exactly what you are looking for. And if you don't have any success with those 7 lawyers, start calling out-of-town lawyers and even lawyers from other counties. Our lawyer has offices in two different counties, and is a part-time district attourney for a third county. Ow's lawyer lives in a completely different county than she does. so if you can't find somebody where you live that will do the job, don't be afraid to look outside of your area.<P>Another idea: Call your state lawyer referral number and ask them who is just starting out in law in your area. Sometimes the best lawyers for this kind of thing are the ones who haven't established themselves yet and are looking for a few new clients that will give them good word-of-mouth.<P>And if you haven't yet checked into legal services, do so. Possibly they will be able to help out with free or low-cost legal aid. My husband wasn't able to get them to help with his attourney fees, but it's worth a try.<P>Whatever you do though, don't run. The government WILL track you down. I guarantee it. And besides, I think your plan to put the pressure on ow by pursuing custody is terrific. She might feel threatened enough to let her mother adopt. You never know. At any rate, I believe that an aggressive stance is great if you are up to it. That is exactly what we are doing. I have some great ideas about how to intimidate the ow with the idea of you being in her child's life. When/if it gets to that point for you, let me know and we'll talk tactics. <P>Let us know how you make out.<BR>cd

We already tried to get legal aid. They said no. None of the lawyers have called me back yet. We have to have the papers in Monday. Please, give me all the advice you have on messing with OW's head :P! Hopefully, when she finds out we are trying to get OC she will get scared. She's only 20 and very immature. Don't worry, I will keep you up to date with "Days of My Lives"!