whatif?,<BR>I'm curious. most lurkers do that just lurk. then when they come out of lurking they usually post their story. you've contributed to several posts giving feedback. i'd love to hear your story and see if we could return the favor and give you feedback if you need it.<P>there are many women/men here, including myself, who will embrace you if that's what you fear. Please don't be intimidated by the recent "crashers" that have plagued our safe haven. <P>hoping to hear your story soon,<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by zebrababy:
[b]whatif?,
I'm curious. most lurkers do that just lurk. then when they come out of lurking they usually post their story. you've contributed to several posts giving feedback. i'd love to hear your story and see if we could return the favor and give you feedback if you need it.

there are many women/men here, including myself, who will embrace you if that's what you fear. Please don't be intimidated by the recent "crashers" that have plagued our safe haven.

hoping to hear your story soon,

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: whatif? ]</small>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by whatif?:
[b] [QUOTE]Originally posted by zebrababy:
[b]whatif?,
I'm curious. most lurkers do that just lurk. then when they come out of lurking they usually post their story. you've contributed to several posts giving feedback. i'd love to hear your story and see if we could return the favor and give you feedback if you need it.

there are many women/men here, including myself, who will embrace you if that's what you fear. Please don't be intimidated by the recent "crashers" that have plagued our safe haven.

hoping to hear your story soon,

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: whatif? ]</small>

Whatif,<P>I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to post your story. I hope you know there are many women who feel like you and have walked in your shoes.<P>Here's my story in the short version.<P>H begins 1.5 year affair with daycare worker at my 3 month old daughter's daycare. (she was only at that center for 2 months). H kept pregnancy/child from me until last Dec and baby was 8 mths. old. I accpeted OC in our lives. I was super duper nice to OC and OW and the wench tried to sleep with my H again. I currently have removed myself from the OC situation out of anger for her mother. In time I will get involved again. <P>My H has been great most days, other days I don't think he gets the broad spectrum of my emotions. It truely is a roller coaster ride. But we are on it together and we will make it. I just wish I knew where the fast forward button was!<P>My two kids, almost 5 & 2, know their new sister. H told my son that OC needed a daddy and OW asked if H could be her daddy and he said, "yes." I dread the day when he figures out how babies get here!<P>With living in the same town, I can see you being concerned about your child finding out about OC. I guess that's one of the advantages of accepting OC. But it's no cake walk. H ran into a frat brother at the mall on Sat., that he hadn't seen in over 2 years. H had my kids and OC with him. Frat brother asked "is that yours too?" I'm sooooooo glad I wasn't there. I would have just died! It's one thing telling family, but strangers have all kinds of preconcieved ideas. I guess that's one of the disadvantages of accepting OC.<P>Like this forum, both ends of the spectrum.<P>Again, welcome, I hope this board is fulfilling for you.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Whatif... I have a very similar story (in a way). My H is a VP at a large company. We do well, but I still work (not for money really... I am allowed to work from home & it doesn't interfere with kids... so I do it). H had affair with woman who works for him. There is the big threat of sueing company for allowing harrassment, so he tows the line & does as she asks (of at least he tells me this is why he jumps when she says to). <P>We have a nice home and a nice life. I feel so sorry for women who are barely making it & may be forced back to work. I am SO GRATEFUL for my job and the income I have. Even if we divorce I will stay in house & not too much will change for me & kids. My boys are 7 & 8, so OC (just 10 mths) will not be running into them at school or sports. <P>OW does not bother me either. She never has called me nor sent anything here. But she does want my H to be in her life and the babies life. That is a big problem for us and recovery. They see each other every day & communicate about baby, etc. Just like having two families.... the one during the day & the other one at night. It just wears on me. But as long as I don't think about her, she really doesn't exist for me. I know what you mean about people thinking "how can you be this way". I don't think of her, other than the $1,500 a month she gets from us (which DOES make me angry... that is money that at one time supported my sons).<P>You keep working on you and your H and your marriage. Don't worry about what might happen in 6 mths, 1 year, 5 years, etc. You have enough to do with repairing your marriage. If he is having no contact at this time, then you have a LOT of the battle won. Please take care of you! Carolyn

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by takingcare:<BR><B>Whatif... I have a very similar story (in a way). My H is a VP at a large company. We do well, but I still work (not for money really... I am allowed to work from home & it doesn't interfere with kids... so I do it). H had affair with woman who works for him. There is the big threat of sueing company for allowing harrassment, so he tows the line & does as she asks (of at least he tells me this is why he jumps when she says to). <BR> Thank you very much for the kind words, it took a lot for me to post my story and it is nice to see that some people took time to read it. I am trying to work on marriage, hubby is doing all he can. it likks me because I saw him crying one day and he was looking at a copy of the OC's birth announcement, he got a copy from a friend. He feels soooo torn he wants to do what i need which is give me time he he feels a man is not a man unless he is a father to all his children.. i ahve decided in a year or two we are going after visiatation and i just hope God gives me teh heart to love the innocent child.<BR>We have a nice home and a nice life. I feel so sorry for women who are barely making it & may be forced back to work. I am SO GRATEFUL for my job and the income I have. Even if we divorce I will stay in house & not too much will change for me & kids. My boys are 7 & 8, so OC (just 10 mths) will not be running into them at school or sports. <P>OW does not bother me either. She never has called me nor sent anything here. But she does want my H to be in her life and the babies life. That is a big problem for us and recovery. They see each other every day & communicate about baby, etc. Just like having two families.... the one during the day & the other one at night. It just wears on me. But as long as I don't think about her, she really doesn't exist for me. I know what you mean about people thinking "how can you be this way". I don't think of her, other than the $1,500 a month she gets from us (which DOES make me angry... that is money that at one time supported my sons).<P>You keep working on you and your H and your marriage. Don't worry about what might happen in 6 mths, 1 year, 5 years, etc. You have enough to do with repairing your marriage. If he is having no contact at this time, then you have a LOT of the battle won. Please take care of you! Carolyn </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>