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Joined: Nov 2000
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gemini1 Offline OP
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I type through swollen eyes....baby came Saturday....H thinks cuz he SAYS he loves me it'll be perfectly ok to go to ow house to see him....Says he doesn't know how to care for baby alone.....Never called me after it was in paper...<P>I told my son what was up....he called his dad and said where are you? Your wife needs you. H said Mom won't let me go to see baby at "the house".<P>My son said I was right...that if it was the baby he wanted to see my son would get him...he should not go there...don't you understand what Mom's going through?<P>Then I heard my son say don't you know what WE"RE going through? I was in the hospital over this dad...I'm on so much medicine just to get through my day and now Mom is on medicine too!<P>If you go to her house it's like leaving your true family to do it. If you do that you can have your new son and not ME or Mom cuz I'm staying right with her! Have fun with your new family Dad....and my son hung up.<P>No calls back...I had a ton of friends and family here as I cried uncontrollably and they were here to console me...not my H....I've turned so bitter over night. I can't believe he'd change the rules of 3rd party. What else will he want to change?<P>I need peace.<P>It will mean divorce to get it.<P>I will be sad forever as all of my stupid memories are of H since I was 18!!!! <P>Married 27 years...a long time ....hard to get over....I feel I've been given NO CHOICES on anything.....<P>Thanks to all of you who supported me for all these months.<P>If something drastic changes I'll update you.<P>To top it off he's giving C our name.......<P>Prayers needed and wanted....I'm so broken but CAN survive this!<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Joined: Sep 2000
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Gem,<BR>I am so sorry this breaks my heart dam him you wont be sad forever. Do what you have to for yourself he just dont get it, again I am so sorry. You and your son are in my prayers. with love flowerseed

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gemini1 Offline OP
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Thanks Flowersex...(smile)...I'm so glad you are up early like me. You are a sweetheart.<P>I know I will be ok...it just hurts sooooo bad.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

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Gemini,<BR>I'm sooooo sorry. Prayers and angels to you!<BR>J

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Gemini,<BR>You know how sorry I am to hear about it. You h is acting like a jacka$$. That said, I have two suggestions:<P>1. I think now is the time to implement plan B- for YOUR sake, if not for the marriage. And follow plan by by the rules. You need to protect yourself and your feelings. And if the marriage is ever to work again, you have to be able to preserve your love for h, which is not going to happen if you continue going the way you are.<P>2. Get your son out of the middle of things. I know that you are not the one putting him in the middle, but I think if you don't take some action now, he is going to end up in worse shape over this mess. I know that's not what you want. You are going to have to be strong and stand up for yourself and keep son from trying to protect you.<P>Oh, gem, I will be praying for you. Again I am so sorry.<BR>-cd

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I remember the pain. I am sorry anyone else has to go through it. I left to stay with family the morning the ow called and said her water broke and her car wouldn't start. H wasn't suppost to take her to the hospital. He got up ,left but returned about an hour later saying it wasn't her water only her plug. Anyway she woundup having a c-section the next morning,latent first stage of labor. She said she wanted one from the beginnning because she didn't want ANYpain. My h FOOTED THE ENTIRE BILL. He wasn't there during the delivery and he made sure that the announcement wasn't in the paper. Yes I checked for weeks. He signed a form that guaranteed it wouldn't be in the papers. But he did go and see them without me for the 5 days she was in the hospital which just so happens to be 5 minutes from my house. <P>I was also 7 months pregnant at the time of delivery. I was just heartbroken and didn't know which way to go. Thank God my liitle 17 month old is an angel. I thought he would be nervous and unhappy because of allof the stress I was under, but God must have been covering his ears all those times I was hysterical. He is a little miracle.

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Dearest Debi,<P>Your H loves you. Maybe he is temporarily in a fog over the child and whatever guilt trip the OW is putting him through. <P>Don't take any drastic steps at this time when your feelings are so hurt and you have so much anger and sadness inside you. First, let the sadness and the disappointment wash away. It is more disappointment than anything else. The man you have loved for 27 years has let you down terribly. He has abandoned you in your time of need, putting his own needs before you. That is a very hurtful thing and we have all gone through it.<P>I am also writing through tears. I prayed so hard for you -- that your H would finally come around and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But, Deb, he still may. He is also under a lot of pressure and is riding a rollercoaster of feelings. <P>Maybe you should write him and let him know how much it hurt you that, after all of the progress you made, he disregarded your feelings in this way. You also needed his support especially after the birth, seeing the birth announcement in the newspaper, having the OC with your name ... Then distance yourself a bit like cd suggested.<BR>Keep your love for him intact because there is still hope that he will come out of the fog. But, don't let him hurt you anymore than he already has.<P>Please don't make any big decisions when you are in this state of mind. First, let acceptance and peace descend on you so that your mind will be clear.<P>We are all with you dear lady. Write to us often to work through your sadness, your fears and frustration. Take good care of yourself.<P>With prayers for your recovery,<BR>love<BR>heavenly

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Dear Gem,<P>I am so sorry...<BR>Something made me check in today and I saw your<BR>message. Words can not take the pain away but we<BR>are all here for you. I wish your H could step back<BR>and really see what he is doing. <BR>I am sending hugs your way, as always you are in<BR>my thoughts and prayers. Please take care and stay<BR>strong. Love, fluke

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I am so sorry, you are in my prayers. Take what comfort you can in all of the prayers and thoughts for you - it will carry you.

Joined: Jun 2000
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gem, i don't know what to say except that i am so sorry. my prayers for you that you can get through this difficult time.<P>love, happy_girl

Joined: Apr 2001
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Dear Gem,<BR> just want to say how sorry i am for your pain. i know you are aching so bad right now. i felt your pain over the computer i began to cry it was so strong. please hold on no rash decisions. so many times i have been heading for D it seems the only way to elevate the pain some times. i will be remembering you. Hopeful1

Joined: Oct 2000
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Gem,<P>Like the others, I really don't know what to say. I am sending my prayers for both you and your son. Please continue to keep us informed. Even if you divorce, please stay with us.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Joined: Feb 2001
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gemini, I am thinking of you today.We are so similar, you and I. Long marriages, shock of the affair and child. I know my H attended the birth,actually told me the OW wanted him as back up coach-before I realized the relationship between the two of them.-and he was there for birth.NOw that I know of the A/, it really hurts he was there for birth of child, saw another woman's body change with pregnancy , etc.. I do think he was conflicted as to what his responsiblity was to OW and OC,and at that point he was in love with her, or some version. I think he was conflicted all year after birth when he lied to me of A/OC. I think he still is conflicted, but now he knows he cannot make everyone happy and he has hurt me tremendously, has killed a lot of the love and respect I felt for him. Last week he said he feels he is losing me,a nd I told him he already has lost part of me,and he knows that. This whole thing has shattered my image of him. I am trying to see by how he acts now, and years from now,will I get that back, those feelings for him.<BR>In the meantime,I think you need to protect yourself.Tell your H how you feel, tell him what you can and cannot tolerate to work on marriage. He cannot have it both ways, as I told my H-that is like continuing the betrayal all the more. Tell your H what you need, hold to that, maybe he will come around. I hope so. YOu are in my thoughts.

Joined: Apr 2001
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Gem....<P>I am new to this site....but would like to extend my love & support to u & your son. My OW's D-Day will be soon & I can't even imagine what it's going to be like!! I do know that this site is a blessing!! We are all abundantly blessed to have each other!! God is AWESOME!!<P>Much Love...<BR>Broke-Down

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gemini1 Offline OP
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Jenny,cd,Blue,Heavenly,Fluke,Carriemom,HappyGirl,Hopeful1,Tigger4jdt,Isb,Brokedown.<P>I want to thank each and every one of you. Heavenly,I sent him a short note about being disappointed he never called...wants to go to ow house...give our name to baby...<P>cdcollins, you are right...I'm backing off now until he makes an attempt to make things go smoother.<P>My son, however has his own thoughts on "new" brother. Just was trying to tell his Dad that there is a way to see baby w/o her even being involved....son said HE'D be go-between...I have a feeling ow doesn't allow that and he desperately wants to see baby. I don't know now if he's even still doing dna.....I don't know anything today.<P>I'm so exhausted.<P>On a funny note...I had 10 am Dr. Appt. for another "let's see how the girls are doing"....well I took my prozac and went.....guess what? They took "part two" of my porn pictures today! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Before and after. Said the girls look so natural so early... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Then they asked how H likes em and I smiled and LIED ... He loves them.....<P>Oh well I'm gonna lay down for a bit.<P>I'm even too tired to cry.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....


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