You are correct, takingcare.<BR>He has had a major problem with the honesty thing.<BR>I on the other hand am honest to the point that my son says that I am "Brutaly Honest"<BR>It has been like mixing oil and water!!<BR>But we have reached the point that he has finally admitted that he has a problem being honest and has always attempted to lie his way out of everything since childhood.<BR>It has been a major step forward for him to admit that he has a problem and to also see that the lies have damanged our relationship more than anything that he had done.<BR>Kind of like the alcoholic having to admit that he is an alcoholic before he can ever get help.<BR>He knows that at this point that if he lies about ANYTHING (it doesn't even have to envolve another woman) that we are done.<BR>Now if he would just learn to let go of the lies from the past. He swears up and down that he is telling the truth about everything from the past and that SHE is the one who lied.<BR>I know that she lied to her mother about not knowing that he was envolved with someone already, and if she lied to her mother, I am sure that she would lie to me as well.<BR>But one of the things that I have had to learn is to let go of the past. I am sure that I am not alone in this, am I??<BR>I have to look at what he is doing today, not what he did yesterday. Yesterday is something to learn from and to watch for those good old tell tale signs that history is repeating itself.<BR>To my knowledge, so far it has not.<BR>He has had no contact with her since she told him she was pg and that it was his. 9/99. She called here towards the end of 9/99 and asked me to have him call her as she wanted him to go to doctors visits, child birth classes, ect so that he could be a part of their babies birth. He refused to call her even when I told him to go ahead.<BR>As to us having children. No we do not. It was something we have never tried to prevent and I would have been thrilled. It just never happened. That is why it hurt so much that she ended up with the child that I felt was my right to bear for him. He has no children. OC is his only child. I have one son from previous marriage. He was all grown and on his own when OH (other half) and I met. <BR>As a parent I can totally sympathize and understand his desire to have his only child as a part of his life. However right now is not the time. Not for us anyway.<BR>The child is one, he has never seen him and I know that must create an ache in his heart.<BR>Somehow he got the idea that if he did not apply for custody or visitation right now that he would never again have that opportunity. Thank God the attorney cleared that up for him. <BR>He told me that if he has to make a choice between his son and between me that he will chose me because I am the one he will grow old and die with, his son will live on well past either one of us. I am also the only one who has ever stood by him no matter how bad he screwed things up. Yes, he has done a good job in his past of screwing up relationships and found that people walk away, including his own father. <BR>He has done a pretty good job of screwing up our relationship as well. But I think he is finally learning that it is ok to let go and love fully, totally and honestly. His own mother told me that loving him is a tough job. He does things to push people away when they get too close. Maybe he has finally realized that the woman he chose to push away this time is not a push over!!<BR>I was beaten and verbally abused as a child by my stepmother. My dad was an alcoholic. I was on my own when I was 16. My first husband cheated on me with my best friend. Then I got stupid and married a man for the wrong reasons and spent 13 years of my life trying to make something work before I finally said enough is enough and ended it. I am not a quitter. I don't give up very easily.<BR>Yes, I do know my value. <BR>We will have been together living as man and wife without the license for 4 years in August of this year. I have more than shown him the value I have. Now it is his turn to show me that he appreciates what a hell of a woman he has!! If he can't....I be gone!!<BR>I am a fighter, I am a survivor, but I am not a damn door mat!! <BR>Compassion will only go so far!!<BR>I am so glad to have found this place and those of you who share the torment that I myself feel. To be able to speak and be understood, to be able to reach out and feel hands and hearts reaching back. To be able to turn something bad in my life into something good when I can reach out to someone else and say "I am here, I hear you, I understand, and I feel what you feel."<BR>But then isn't that why we all come here!!<BR>Once again my apologies for carrying on so long.<BR>Blessing to all who are suffering.

Hey! You are a good person and deserve to be happy as we all do, I have forgotten do you have any children with h? and can you trust him anymore, that is what I find very hard because he keeps screwing up, not lately it has been since Feb 15 since he has heard from her or seen oc and since I sent her a letter she won't contact him unless she moves, let me know about the trust

Freedom Hawk,<BR>Please dont stop carrying on you just made me feel so much better.You just described alot of my life. It is amazing how so many of us have so many pieces that fit each others lives.My h to has had a big problem with honesty also but this has seemed to change it there is hope. Hang in there freedom together we will all make it. with love flowerseed

i just want to say you seem to be doing good! you have the right attitude about this. especially looking at the present, not what he did in the past. my H knows he did wrong in the past, he lives with it everyday, i don't need to remind him of it. we don't have children yet, and OC is his first child, possibly only child, i have an autoimmune disease that causes fertility problems. i have never tried to discourage him from seeing the OC, though i know it would kill me. i actually pushed for it, to make sure he wasn't saying he didn't want contact just for me. and i have reminded him that OC may be his only biological child. <P>anyway, i think you have a good attitude about everything. you are strong. you can make it through this.<P>prayers for you and you H.<P>happy_girl