My H has expressed his interest in having the OM's right terminated. I am in agreement with this to a point. I have told my H that once this settle down and we are back into a somewhat normal life that I will have OM's right terminated, I however will not do this now as my H is still in the first week of D-Day. I want to make sure his decision is what he wants. How would we go about having Om's right terminated? I have contacted some lawyer, but of coarse no one has called me back, too busy making $$. What is a reasonable amout of time to give my H time to make sure he is comfortable witht his choice? Would you suggest call OM first (H doing it) to see if he will that way we don't start the process and find out he won't, or start it and see what happens? Would my H have to adopt Hannah or will it remain unchanged as he is already on th BC? Would we have to establish paternity first if he (OM) says no to termination? I live in Michigan, any thoughts?

RY:<P>Firstly, you should absolutely, positively, have NO CONTACT with the OM. EVER!!!<P>Second, you need to take the time to find a lawyer who is knowledgable about these issues. Lawyers that deal with family law and adoption would be a good place to start.<P>Finally, I would give your husband at least a couple months before you get too far down this path. The two of you should check and see what you're going to be in for, and then make the decision together on whether or not to go forward.<P>You must first establish paternity if you want to terminate the OM's right. As it stands now, your husband is legally the parent of this child. My advice (again) to you is that if the OM isn't showing any active interest in being involved with the child, then you are probably safe in letting it lie. This will cost you nothing. If you sue to establish the OM as the father, to get him to agree to drop his rights, and then have your husband adopt the child---it's likely going to run you at least ten thousand dollars, and perhaps much more.<P>But find a lawyer and let them advise you. I can only give you the information for what we discovered, and we don't live in Michigan.<P><BR>

My understanding is that OM has rights and can presue them at any time. My is wanting OM rights terminated so badly, but I feel I need to be comfortable with his decision. He understands this so we agreed to come up with a date to see how things progress. OM W stated on the phone to my H that at anytime we want him to be responsible he will be. So I don't know by that statement what she means. I am letting and giving my H all contact between OM and his W, I have none and do not want any. I know we should let it go, but now it is out in the open I don't know where we stand.

At this point, you should definitely talk with a lawyer. I'm not sure what the case law is for Michigan. Send a "Bystander" balloon up, and I'm sure we'll get an answer. (Although he'll tell you to talk to a lawyer too).<P>

You are correct sort of. He does have rights, but he'd have to sue for them, He'd be the one to have to prove it. He would have to foot the bill. He'd be sueing for the right to pay child support, lots of it. He's be sueing for the responsibilty of having to 'help' raise this child. Most OM's aren't ready for that kind of 'stuff'.<P>As K said, if possible let it lie.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited May 02, 2001).]

RY,<P>That's a tough one. In our situation, OM doesn't know about Abbi, so we are just leaving it at that. My H is claiming her as his own, and we never did any paternity tests. So, we aren't going to worry about the adoption hassle.<P>As for your other question of if you should wait to do any of this, we weren't real sure what we were going to do for about 2 weeks. But then, we went with our gut feelings. See, we had a baby when my H was still in high school, and I had graduated 6 mos before. We put her up for adoption, because we felt she would be much better off that way. It was THE hardest thing we have ever done in our lives! Our 2 other children know about their big sister, in fact, we have used that situation to help the kids understand why you should wait until you are married to have sex. Anyway, my H didn't want me to go through that pain again, or have to tell our children why we gave their baby sister away. Yes, we will eventually tell them the truth, but that doesn't need to happen right now. So, you and your H should sit down together and discuss why he feels that way, but don't question his reasoning. I do feel, however, that if your H is willing to consider Hannah as his child, that any and all contact should be terminated with OM. Let Hannah grow up with one Daddy, and just consider OM the sperm donor. It will be a lot less confusing to HannaH and your other children.<P>Hope I helped you out some.<P>Love, <P>Tigger

My does feel he his Hannah father regardless of how she came to be, I AM VERY GREATFUL for that! His fear is that OM will try to be a part of Hannah's life and he has no way of stopping it, that is why I think he feels there is a rush to end his rights. I don't beleive OM will try to be a part of her life, but now his W knows, he may have a change of heart? if he had one. I don't thing H will have to adopt her, but I am not sure. Thx for all you help guys!!

Regretfully Yours,<BR>I to live in Mich. I'm thinking that the om would have to sue for paternity also. I'm pretty sure as long as your married your h is considered the father. I'll see what I can find out. with love flowerseed

Regretfully Yours,<BR>I found something in the friend of the court hand book I have. It says you may find more information in a pamphlet "What Every Parent Shoul Know About Establishing Paternity" it says it is available throught the Michigan Office of Child Support. There might be something in there to help answer some of your questions. Good luck! with love flowerseed