i dont wanna lose my gf...... please give me some screen names i need to chat with someone immediately im very depressed........ ill explain more plzzz if there is a helping soul plzzzzzzzz

why don't you start by telling us a few things about your situatuion that would better help others to address your issue.

ok first off im 22 shes 19..... when i first saw this girl i knew she would be mine, but i didnt wanan rush into anything into that time.... we gradually started talking, and hanging out.... we eneded up hanging out everyday then her mother came into the situation, and let me tell oyu shes very crazy( she doesnt work leave her house etc....) her mother told her not to talk to me, and a few months after later gave my gf a choice of either not tlaking to me or getting out of her house, well my gf left her house, and moved into her aunts house..... she tells me she loves me, but i really don't know i guess, i have been hurt before by past relationships..... i come across as being an arrogant smart [censored] if you dont know me, i play around alot i joke, and some times i say things without thinking about them with her around and she really takes it offensive, i odnt mean the things i say to her they just come out wrong... when we get drunk together is when we really argue bad arguments nothing abusive just hateful words..... and i wanna stop that I wanna stop drinking i told her i would if she would, she says she won't she enjoys going out and getting drunk..... well the last fighht came 2 days ago i told her to leave my house and we really got into a huge argument.. she calls me psycho, and says she will never talk to me again..... well she listens to what i have to tell her on the phone, since this argument so i think she still cares, but know she moved back into her mom's house? what can i do if anything to help savage this? i Love this girl more then she knows it

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Erm, typos aside; She moved back in with her Mom. Pretty good indication of where she's at.
Other, more experienced posters will have more to say, I'm sure...

Hi Burryen,

I have to tell you the truth o.k. The #1 problem is the alcohol. Nothing else can be
done to help your relationship w/ her or anyone
until alcohol is out of the way.

If there is a alcohol and drug treatment center there in your town, that would be the first place to call for help.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

i dont need to go into rehab....... i can go without alcohol pretty easily.. i guess i just answered my own question if she cant take alcohol outta her live, then shes not worth my time.... i just love her very much and i dont wanna see her suffer like her mother life can't be so enjoyable for her then, theres no way then, i always believed if you loved someone you would do anything for them.....

I have to agree w/ LadySheep.
My dear Burry, You need to rid YOUR life of alcohol and learn to have FUN w/o it. Believe me, it is possible. Alcohol lowers you ability to think straight and be responsible. It lowers your response time. IT IS DANGEROUS until YOU learn to be a more responsible adult w/ drinking.

Try going w/o for, lets say, 6 months. That means NO DRINKING! While you are doing this, watch people around you how are choosing to drink thinking that this is the only way they can have fun. Notice how much of a fool they make of themselve in very short order. Learn how to talk to the people around you, learn to see how wonderful the world really is.

After you have been w/o for 6 months, set a limit, if yo MUST go back to drinking.. Say, 2 drinks in an evening. Yup, that is very reasonable. Sip the drink, don't gulp it. Enjoy the flavor, enjoy the subtle buzz if that is what you are after. Learn to control your self. Notice that you can have fun. Notice that you can carry on a conversation. Notice the differnet type of people you will then choose to be around. Gosh, I'll bet they have a higher standard than the "drinking" crowd. You will be a better person.

And then, be patient w/ yourself and w/ your GF. If she chooses to be w/ you while you are doing this, supportively, then WOW! You will both win!
If she chooses to find another drinking buddy to be w/, then you have still won, because you will be a more mature adult w/ self control and responcibility.

And Burry, this is the same speech i have given my children. They initially thought I was talking out of my butt, they initially thought I did not know what i was talking about. But guess what, they thank me now.

best of luck to you and to your GF.
xo
Hypatia

Hateful words are abusive. It sounds to me like you have a problem with Love Busters (LBs) first off. Read up on those. Have you read the Basic Concepts out here?

What contact have you had with your GF? What has she indicated to you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> some times i say things without thinking about them with her around and she really takes it offensive, i odnt mean the things i say to her they just come out wrong... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Ouch? No, no, let me explain."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> what can i do if anything to help savage this? i Love this girl more then she knows it </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First of all, you need to stop hurting her. The hateful words, arguments, sarcasm...they all cause HURT. Some may think they are funny or cool or whatever...but the bottom line is that they cause hurt. Why would she want to be with you when you are hurting her? Read up on Love Busters and get them out of your life.

Since people have a tendency of doing this, I will tell you right now - THE IDEA OF LOVEBUSTERS IS TO READ UP ON THEM AND ELIMINATE YOUR USE OF THEM. It is not to read up on them and tell your GF all about hers. This will push her further away.

<small>[ August 20, 2003, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

Hi Burryen,

I understand your pain. It must be so difficult for you right now.

posted by Burryen:
I always thought when you love someone you would do anything for them.
Not always true. There has to be boundaries also. If you know what kindof girl you want.
You gotta know if you want a girl who gets drunk and likes to argue. Or iff you don't want a girl like that then you'd have to stay away from girls like that. If you want to be treated like a gentleman w/ respect then you have to find a girl who is a lady, not a drinker who likes partying. I know you love her, you could always give her an ultimatum such as...
"I love you, but I don't love your drinking...as long as you drink I'd rather not go out together. We have a hard enough time getting along, but when we drink it only causes fights." If she continues to drink, then you have to make the choice of weather you really want a girl like that. Believe me Burryen, I was an alcholic. I have been sober for 11yr now. I never had one good relationship when drinking...NOT ONE!!! Please encourage her to
get help. Tell her the alcohol will ruin her life and every relationship she tries to get into. Have you ever saw the movie "When A Man
Loves A Woman"?

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

thank you all for your replies!!!! yes i have seen the movie, very good one indeed. The fact of the matter is as im sitting here writing this too you im in tears, its one of my only 2 days off. and im trying everything i can to get her outta my head, i cant even focus, its such a shame to know that this is really a dead- end, but i don't want it to be. i would do anything for her and i have made significant changes since i have been with her for better and maybe for worse. its like starting a project i have given ym all into and having someone tell me, " hey you have to quit" thats not right. if she only knew what i had to offer... let me give you a little more background on myself: my father passed away when i was a teenager he was never around for me , but i always loved him very much, and looked up to him, and ever since he died i havent spoke to anyone about the way i feel. my mother is addicted to pills, and my step-dad is a great dad, but i have never told him sooo. i got into a relationship when i was 17 lasted about a year she broke my heart, and i vowed ever since then i would marry the next girl i would fall in love with. well 5 years later i thought i met this girl, and my life style was just a mess, so i worked very hard to get her. then i blew it like i fdo everything else, i tend to sabotage good things, because in my life i have always played the role of I dont care attitude, but deep down i really do.. i have a hard time telling her some thoughts of mine, that i keep away. im alone here, hell ive always been alone, but never like this. i miss her, if she only knew how different i was ( she does) i would be hers. i love this woman is there any recommendations anyone can give me? she lives right down the street. i went to her work before she arrived and dropped off her working stuff ( clippers ). and i wrote her a little message inside it that read: I will always love you. I tried, and i really care. i either need to patch this mess up as soon as possible, or forget about her....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i vowed ever since then i would marry the next girl i would fall in love with.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If this isn't a recipe for disaster, I don't know what is.

I'm sorry for your pain Burryen, but I think you do bring a lot of it upon yourself. You need to set boundaries and decide who and what are acceptable in your life. You seem to be fighting a losing battle...you desperately want someone that may be very bad for you. I'm only basing that on what I've read in this thread...you need to be the one who decides if she is good or bad for you.

I think that the smartest thing you can do is stop obsessing over your GF and REALLY start working on yourself. You even admit that you have not spoken to anyone about your dad's death. That is one of the most traumatic things a boy can go through. It is very unhealthy to keep that pain (and likely anger) closed up inside. You need to take care of yourself. Get therapy. Learn how to express yourself. And do it for YOU, not your girlfriend.
If you and your GF are meant to be together, improving yourself is the best and probably only thing you can do to make her not only come back, but have any chance at having a healthy relationship with you.

Put all of your pain and anger into something useful. Write out your feelings. Seek professional help. Educate yourself. Occupy your free time with something productive...go running, swimming, learn a new hobby, learn music or art..anything to express yourself. You are a ticking time bomb of anger if you continue to keep everything inside. Your GF is not the issue. How you treat your GF is not even the real issue...it's how you treat yourself.
Her alcohol problem will likely keep her from ever having a successful relationship, but your suffocating emotions will likely keep you from ever having a successful relationship. You need to work on yourself before you do anything else...we all do.

Smile

Hi Burryem,

Sorry to hear about your dad. My dad died when I was a teen too (15yrs old). It was so lonely after that. Mom was alcoholic, found an alcoholic boyfriend and I was ignored from then on. I know your loneliness.

I think it was good you wrote that note to tell her how you feel. Maybe give it a few days and
see if she calls. Keep telling her how you feel.
That's very important!!! Without LB's of course.

If you two do get back together again, I would highly recommend never drinking together. Go to dinner, to the movies, amusement parks. Places where there is no alcohol at all. And enjoy each
others company!!

Anyway why is her mother so against her relationship w/ you???

And why did she move out of aunts and back home???

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

I completely agree with SmileADay!!!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

I have always believed in making a very strong effort to impress family members. i did nothing but try and help her mother out who at the time was feeling very lonely and depressed, she has tried to kill herself many of times. so i brought over a drug to try and help her out. that drug was called aderrall. it worked she began having energy to do stuff like clean her house which was very messy, and one day april my gf told her mother that she slept with me, and ever since then there has been a significant change. one day her mom was being very abusive to april cussing her out telkling her how i was a loser yada yada yada, so april decided to move out, to be with me, plus her mom is a very bad influence. so i asked my folks if she could stay with me until we got our own place. shed stay at my house 4 nights a week her aunts house, the reason being she moved back in was she had the whole downstairs to the basement, and i believe cause its easier for her its only a 3 min drive to work as opposed to being 30 from her aunts, and she then has no worries, but then again her mom is never therefore her its just a depressing site to go over to that house.. i feel for her pain. and lady when oyu said to me " keep letting her know my feelings" i tell her i love her at least i swear at least 10 times day, and know i barely speak to her, what can i do if anything right now, because we all know the more time away from eachother the easier it is to forget. its not hard for me to get a new girl, iam very attractive its just hard to meet the "right ones" and wheres that LB you guys r talking about

Burry,
have you gone to the home page of this site and read the info there. It'll answer you questions about LBs (love busters).

Also read about PLAN A, very helpful stuff.

patience and strength and wisdom to you.

xo
Hypatia

Hi Burryen,

And one day april, my gf told her mother that she slept w/ me and ever since then there has been a significant change.
O.k. this sounds like where things went wrong too. Some mothers are very protective of their girls, especially when it come to that. And many teach their daughters to wait for marriage. Many mothers see this happening and are so afraid their daughters are going to get used and hurt. Some mothers look at it this way..if you slept with their D, you disrespected her. I think this is what happened to your gf's mother. She's a protective one!!!

This might be an idea.... Write a letter to her mother, tell her how much you cared for her and her daughter and that you are hurting because of the breakup. Tell her you are sorry if sleeping w/ her D made her change her view about you.
Tell her you would never want to hurt her D because you love her. And if you both can come to an agreement to not sleep together, that is something you both have to talk about. And then talk it over with mother.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

lol lady i wish it would be that easy? here mother is very aggressive and mean, when she has her mind on something she will WILL not change it. unless you got something she wants. i.e. pill or something to that nature.. she uses people including her daughter

Hi Burryen,

That's why it's safest to send a letter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Burryen,

The last thing you should do is disrespect the mother. How long have you been with gf?? And how long has mother raised her daughter?? You have no right to talk about the mother of your gf that way. You will lose respect of gf talking about her mother that way also. That is her mother and you need to respect that!!!

Yes she is 19 and old enough to make her own decisions. Mother probably insists if gf goes out w/ you she cannot live there right??? Those are mothers rules.

If you are wanting/trying to take gf away from mother, you blew it bigtime there!! I'm just
being honest with you!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep