Notmuch has been going on here. My H hasn't seen the Oc inover 2 months. This is our busy time with our business and he is swamped. The Ow used to meet him half way so he could see the baby, but she refuses to do even that now. She wants him to make all of the effort. We just had our 13 anniversay. I was afraid when it came that it would be a bust ,but h gave me 13 beautiful roses. We had some champagne and celebrated ourselves. It was nice. I have been thinking about oc lately. If the ow was different and even a little agreeable I would be a small part of oc life. But I am no where near ready to tell my boys .They are only 9,11 and 17 months.

Blue,<BR>I understand how you feel about telling you boys...My children are 12, 9 and 14 months (2 boys and a girl). It has only been 6 week and a few day since d-day...My H hid it from me...and I skipped around in la la land thinking everything was groovy. WE have taken a completely different approuch...and wait until custody is decided on...we are seeking joint.. It is amazing what a good lawyer can stir up..other than a alot of expense...then we plan on having her over..and eventually we will tell them...I am glad she is a girl...it helps with the shopping ( shallow as that sounds) my 14 month old is a boy so I dont feel like ..oh he has that outfit it would be weird if OC did...My H in efforts in trying to hide this has been paying CS to OW from day one...it was I who insisted on the blood test ( and his lawyer)she is 8 months old...My H never thought I would be able to handle th A much less OC...so he went to great lenghs to make sure I never found out...But I guess OW wanted him too ( why should his other kids live in that big house, and why should his mother of the other kids drive that fancy car...etc..) dummy person...because he loves me, and he told her so from the begining ( A was 3 weeks long)...sorry I am rambling again...about your orginal question...the one think I have learned about kids...is they are so reselent...their worlds are not too shaken if they see that the two people ( mom and dad) are secure and happy...and when they are told that both are there and that a united front approach is there...if they see that the only change that wil be occuring is that they have a half sib that comes to visit once in a while and that he/she goes home and your family is fine...they will do fine....I as a child ( older teen) survived my fathers Murder ( long story) helped my mother get through a potentional nervous break down ( witness the murder) and dinished raising my sister who was in her early teens...all successfully because of the base I was given growing up...My sister survived me...thats is why I feel they will be fine ...I hope this made sense...with a 14 month old sometimes I post and have to get up and take care of him...and return...anyway best wishes<BR>My Cross

I have been away for a few days but still find the posts helpful. My H also claims affair was 3 weeks long. Very remorseful, and oc is 18 months old. He doesn't want to see oc - makes him feel terrible. ... but I also feel guilty that oc doesn't have a daddy. Is that crazy or do others feel the same?

ann,<BR>In the beginning I did. But in our case ow knew about me she knew about our little girl. She didnt feel bad when she tried destroying my family. It didnt seem to bother her when she stopped taking her birth control pills and then had sex with someone she had no business being with. The only thing she feels bad about was that her plan didnt work.I leave all the guilt to her she created the mess she is in. I had nothing to do with it so I have no reason to feel any guilt. My h wants no part of the oc life either.The only thing she is able to steal from this family is the child support she gets nothing else. Dont feel guilty you have done nothing to feel guilty for. with love flowerseed

I do not feel guilty for not sharing H with OC. He did not enter affair for having a child with OW-but I think her desire not to use birth control-in fact told my H didn't want to use it-indicates she may have been hoping to have child with him.When they broke up, she actually thought they would remain friends and raise child together as coparents. I cannot think what she was thinking-she knew H was married, had met our children, etc. and had no thought what that would do to them.I have no guilt H not being involved-although he may-but I know he feels more guilty if because of his very wrong choice, amoral, bad mistake he would destroy parenting his original children with me, who have depended on him from day 1 to be there and really would face a loss if he were not here daily.The OC never had that, never would feel the loss of that, but my kids would. THey deserve him here, much much more.

Blue, it sounds like things are going well for you and H and I'm happy for you. <P>MyCross, it's nice to see more of your story.<P>Prayers to all,<BR>J

blue00~ glad to hear that things are going well. how sweet of H to get you 13 roses!! that was nice of him. just keep working on your marriage, if OW is not meeting you half way when you are offering the child a chance to know father, then it is her problem. keep your focus on you, your children and your marriage. <P>ann99~ my H has never wanted any contact either. his reasoning is that the child was not conceived out of love, and he has no feeling whatsoever for the OC. i tried at first to get him to see her, but he has never wanted to. i used to feel so guilty about it, but i don't anymore. 1. i did absolutely nothing wrong. 2. OW chose this life for her daughter 3. i am now at peace with it, and know that god understands the reasons we are not involved. i posted a couple times long ago about the guilt i felt. i don't hate OC, i feel sorry for her, but that is on her mother, not me.<BR>i will find that thread, had a lot of good advice. look for it after this post. take care, this is all new, and is quite the rollercoaster ride, but it is survivable.<P>happy_girl

<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000208.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000208.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000118.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000118.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000235.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum35/HTML/000235.html</A> <P><B>ann~</B> here are 3 posts i found dealing with guilt. there are some very helpful replies. and i found it interesting to see how much i have changed since then. it gets better over time, i promise. just takes a long time.<P><B>MYCROSS~</B> i am glad you have decided to stay, because i think you need this forum. i will not apologize though for anything i may have said(though i am sorry you felt like you were under attack), only because i felt justified because i do not hate OC, and didn't like being called hateful. and i don't like when my "family" is being called names either. and the people here are like a family to me.<BR> <BR>i hope that you can become a part of this place, and understand that we only lashed out because we felt under attack. i am sure you can see that given the situation here as of late. please read the threads i looked up for ann. you will see we aren't hateful here, you just came in at a volatile time here on the forum. <P>welcome to MB. though i will understand if you feel you can't forgive me for what i have said to you in the past.<P>happy_girl

Happy Girl - Thank you for thinking of me! I found all of your support so helpful. .. and will read the posts you recommend.