I mentioned a while back that I was enrolling in a Sunday School course that focused on healing for damaged emotions. Well the bad news is...the course is no longer offered at my church. The good news is....they are offering a Sunday school class that focuses on the book 'His Needs, Her Needs'. Whoohoo!!<BR>More good news, the church bookstore sold the book 'Healing for Damaged Emotions', by David A. Seamands and Beth Funk. <BR>I would suggest this book to anyone on this message board that is serious about taking responsibility for understanding how God will heal their emotions (only if they want it).<P>Here's what I've highlighted in the book so far:<P>"General, biblical principles which must be followed throughtout in order for you to find healing for damaged emotions:<P>1. Face your problem squarley (I think we all do this quite well)<BR>2. Accept your responsibility in the matter: This may not be the case for many of you on this message board, but for me, I waited way too long to get serious about going to counseling to fix my marriage. I took care of my personal/career needs first. I didn't focus on my marriage.<BR>3. Ask yourself if you want to be healed: Do you want to be healed or use your pain as a crutch? The lame man said to Jesus, "But Lord, nobody puts me into the pool. I try, but they all get there ahead of me.' He would not look deep within his heart to find out whether he really wanted to be healed.<BR>4. FORGIVE EVERYONE WHO IS INVOLVED IN YOUR PROBLEM: THIS WAS MY FAVORITE. Facing responsibility and forginving people are really two sides of the same coin. The reason some people have never been able to forgive is that if they forgave, the last rug would be pulled out from under them and they would have no one to blame. Think about it....IF I BLAME *****FOR THE PROBLEMS IN MY MARRIAGE, AREN'T I GIVING HER WAY TOO MUCH POWER AND CREDIT?????<BR>5. Forgive yourself: <BR>6. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what your real problem is and how you need to pray: <P>If you're serious about healing and being freed from the shackles of unforgiveness, read this book!!!<P>

Thanks for the heads up Matthew!! I think that I will definately look into it!<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Dear Matthew6:14 15, So nice to know you have found some positives to follow. I wish you the best.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Matthew6: 14,15<P>Thank you for telling us about the book. What you wrote under #3 and #4 really hit home.<P>I only recently truly forgave my H after years of suffering through the OW/OC situation. And, I really felt that I had begun to use my suffering as a crutch. It is so easy to get into the comfort of being a victim -- of expecting everyone to feel sorry for you and giving you the ability to keep punishing your spouse for having done this horrible thing to you.<P>If you are not the victim, then that means YOU must take responsibility for your own life and start dealing with your own happiness. It was a very hard thing to do. It was particularly hard to give up what I considered my right to hurt my H because he had hurt me.<P>But, I took a long look at myself and I did not like what I had become. And it was that desire to have myself back that drove me to look into my heart for forgiveness. I prayed for God to soften my heart and to help me let go of the anger.<P>Well, taking charge of my own life is an awful lot better than being a victim. I feel whole again. I feel that I do have some control over some things in my situation. And, I have fully accepted that things will never be exactly the same either for my marriage or for me, but part of life is accepting change, growing through it, and making it work.<P>I am going to get the book you suggested. I am sure that it will solidify the attitudinal changes that I am making now and bring me closer to the person that I want to be for the rest of my life.<P>I am so happy for you that your outlook is improving.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Matthew,<BR>Thanks, I to will check into it. with love flowerseed

Thanks to all, I feel that I am so early into this mess that I am incapable of even thinking about forgiveness. My H keeps telling me I am not understanding him and what he is going thru, that OW was someone easy to talk to (now that OW is PG, I guess they did more than talk!!) He keeps saying now that HE is the victim, because everyone is disgusted with him for what HE did. I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for him.<P>Thank you for planting the forgiveness seed in my head.

MoJo7,<BR>It takes a lot of work on h part before that seed can even come close to being planted. Have you looked over the web site from the beginning there is alot of good info that maybe you could share with your h. Look under all the diffrent headings at the top of the page. Hopefully he will see soon that he should be disgusted with himself right along with everybody else. Hold on there mojo its a rough ride but its worth it if h is willing to do his part. What we did is started right out working on how we got to the point of not communicating and worked on that.Thats one battle I dont think you ever can stop working on keeping the communication going men and women seem to think so diffrent from each other it takes a lot of work. with love flowerseed

Thanks for the insight, Matthew...<P>My anger has changed me...<BR>I will look with great interest for the book<BR>you mention. I know how unhealthy it is for me<BR>and my family to continue the path I am on.<BR>Thank you again for the uplifting post!

My anger has changed me as well, no longer carefree, non hostile, loving as easily or quickly.Certainly not much fun for H or my kids. But I think I have to feel the anger for a period of time before I can move on. We all have a right to be angry, never feel you do not. Moving on from anger is the right thing when it is the right time.For me, I think I have to have some more time in the anger stage though before I can move on. I am less angry, now in more sad/depressed state.That is moving on in grief stages. Keep that in mind.