My wife has moved back to her house after moving in with the OM for three weeks. I have been out of the house<BR>for three months at her request for space and time to heal.<P>She says that she has made a terrible mistake and understands if I don't want to have anything to do with her.<BR>she is sorry, embarrased, humiliated and 10 weeks pregnant.<P>I love her and am willing to try to work things out but this is a whole other thing. It isn't like I didn't kknow that<BR>they were intimate. but this is something that is hard to forgive and forget since it will continue to be the focus<BR>for the next 6 months.<P>The OM has no interest in the offspring since it no longer controls my wife. My wife won't terminate the pregnancy<BR>for religious reasons and wants to give the child over tfor adoption to an infertility couple in another town. I have<BR>no interest in raising this child or including it in our family.<P>We live in a small town and we both work in the healthcare profession. I am afraid that on top of my difficulty in<BR>accepting this, that friends and unknowing well wishers will make the rebuilding process, if it happens, much more<BR>difficult.I know it would be like trying to ignore the elephant in your living room to begin with. But what everybody else sees as a blessed event, could actually be the deathnail in our marriage.<P>I want to be forgiving and rebuild our marriage as does she. However, this is an enormous challenge. I need help badly

InANightmare:<P>Been there, done it. Let me give you my advice for dealing with this.<P>1. Get counseling, immediately, with either Steve or Jenn Harley at MarriageBuilders. You can call 888-639-1639 for an appointment. I was in counseling with Steve when this little "snag" hit me, and he was a Godsend. The counseling is phone counseling---it's convenient, cost-effective, and they're the best. You'll get the help you need from them.<P>2. You and your wife need to learn to exercise the Policy of Joint Agreement---do nothing without an enthusiastic agreement between the both of you. Guess what---the POJA can be tough to implement on things like where to go for dinner, or what vacation to take. I'll guarantee you that if you can POJA your way to a great marriage through this, you'll be set.<P>This nightmare is an opportunity to demonstrate a great deal of love to your wife. You have a chance to fill her lovebank very rapidly---it's a terrific chance to rebuild your marriage. If you're both agreed on the adoption, then you should be able to deal with the effect. You may decide to move from the small town---to get away from the OM, as well as the aftermath. You will have lots of options, and what is most important is that you deal with these using the POJA---in order to rebuild the love in your marriage.<P>In our case, this wasn't a deathnell. In fact, it turned out to be a joyous event. We have kept the child, and he's truly a gift from God. That may not be the path you and your wife choose to take---but there is plenty of hope for your marriage, regardless.<P>Call the counseling center (888-639-1639) and set up an appointment. NOW.

Dear Nightmare,<P>I am not in your situation, but I know the devastation you are feeling. K gave wonderful advice so all I wanted to add was that I am praying for your family.<P>Love<P>broken_wings

Dear Inanightmare,<P>So sorry for what has happened in your life.<BR>I just wanted to lend my support to you.<BR>There are many people who can lend you their<BR>ear...<BR>Take care, fluke

nightmare,<BR>I'm sorry for your pain. Listen to K and the other men in your situation! They're great!<P>Godbless and good luck!<BR>J, 2+years in recovery