I've been reading a lot of your posts without writing lately because I just have not been having good days. <BR>There are several reasons for this.<BR>Firstly, H and I started filling out the emotional needs questionnaire and I guess I just wasn't prepared for some of the answers, especially the ones regarding sex. I guess anything regarding sex is extremely sensitive to me.<BR>Then there is our 11th wedding anniversary coming up in a few weeks (Memerial Day Weekend), then FOUR days later D-day anniversary.<BR>H has hearing for modification on Weds and asked me not to go. I agreed because OP's image is not so clear now and I usually turn into a basketcase for several days thereafter. I asked H to ask his sister (the only person who knows anything about A) to go with him for support and to kind of irk the O; she is going. I also asked H not to wear his wedding ring because I want OP to "wonder" who this other woman is because H always told her that if it didn't work out with me, he still would not end up with her. Let her wonder if it's his new interest or whatever. I'm sure it will drive her crazy. <BR>I'm also worried about how it's going to go. Nothing so far has worked out for us. H is now initiating an income tax investigation regarding the outrageous childcare costs (OP claimed she took home $200-$250/week and paid $150/week for childcare for this child only. Yeah, right) The amount should be claimed on OP and sitter's tax forms. We can't get information about investigation, but H will receive a reward if some irregularity is discovered. (This is through the nanny tax law H looked into).<P>Anyway, May 27th and 31st (two extreme anniversaries) are on my mind and I just don't know how to handle it.<P>Other than all of this things, have been okay.<BR>We're both working really hard at healing and building our lives together as a family. I love H and he is completely committed to making me and our daughter number one in his life. Aside from the obvious err, he is a super husband and father.<P>

tormented, how long since discovery of A/OC>? how long has it been? how old is OC>?do you have contact with OC or not? I know what you mean about anniversary. Mine is coming up in next month, #25-what I thought would be a wonderful celebration of our life together will be probably awful and very painful. I do not know how or if we will celebrate this one at all,a nd since it is rather a milestone, I hate that -you only get one #25 I feel H has ruined it for me.I do not know if I can handle the anniversary at all. Anyone with ideas on how to deal with anniversaries I would love to hear from them.

tormented,<BR>sorry your having such a hard time just keep posting and we try to help you. Try to plan fun new things for them days. <P>Isb,<BR>What about renewing your wedding vows (i dont think I spelled that right) on your 25th make it a new memory. It would be something to get you moving ahead also. What do you think? with love flowerseed

tormented,<P>just want to say that i am sorry all this is hitting at once. seems that problems tend to come all at once. definitely what is happening in my life right now. so my prayers for you.<P>happy_girl

Dear tormented,<P>Just to send you courage. None of this is easy but you seem to be managing as well as can be expected.<P>By the way, I love the idea of your H not wearing his ring and letting the OW wonder if he has moved on to a new love interest! To be a fly on the wall and see her face when your H walks in with a strange woman!?... priceless!<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Try to think of your aniversary as a milepost.<BR>This one marks where you are in your journey together this year.<BR>Celebrate the fact that you are still together and then start walking towards the next mile post. No matter how bad it is where you are now, there is the NEXT milepost to look forward to and it may just be in a whole lot better place than this one is.<BR>That is how I dealt with our aniversay.

Tormented<BR>Just want youto know that you are in my prayers and thought. <P>Remember there is sun shine after the rain. Take care.<P>G&P

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lsb:<BR><B>tormented, how long since discovery of A/OC>? how long has it been? how old is OC>?do you have contact with OC or not? I know what you mean about anniversary. Mine is coming up in next month, #25-what I thought would be a wonderful celebration of our life together will be probably awful and very painful. I do not know how or if we will celebrate this one at all,a nd since it is rather a milestone, I hate that -you only get one #25 I feel H has ruined it for me.I do not know if I can handle the anniversary at all. Anyone with ideas on how to deal with anniversaries I would love to hear from them.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>It will be one year since D-dayMay 31st 4 days afte our 11th wedding anniversary.<BR>The OC is 2 years old (5 months older than our daughter) and he has no contact. He doesn't want any. Major reason is me and then he's afraid OP will come up with some insane charges to make life miserable. OP slashed 1st child's fathers tires when she was angry with him. H doesn't want that or anything like that.