I really would like to know if anyone else feels like this? She does not understand why I hate her, she thinks I should be madder at my H than at her. ( she went into this knowing he was married and had oc to try to keep him ) How do I make sense of this? She is a class A ***** and Butt ugly as well LOLI am so glad she is sOOOOO ugly

Hatred and anger are two things that I have become very familiar with since this all happened.<BR>I will not say that it is right to hate...but it is natural.<BR>I guess the way I try to look at it is that as long as I have hatred and anger in my heart she wins. Because that hatred and anger continues to come between my OH and I.<BR>I take it that you have contact with her?<BR>If it upsets you this badly stay away from her, don't talk to her and whatever you do...DON'T LISTEN TO HER!!<BR>She has already come between you and your H, don't continue to allow her to do that by listening to her saying things that upset you.<BR>Just yesterday I dealt with a terrible amount of anger towards OW. Thank God I found this place where I can come and vent that anger. <BR>Work on overcoming the anger and hate because as long as your heart is full of those things, there is little room for love.

Hi there hawk, I do not have contact with her ever, she is extremely scared of me because H told her that I was violent,( not true he just told her that) anyway she will not call our house she goes to where she knows he will be but last contact was Feb 15th, I really do want to destroy her though, I want to make her feel like dirt, sorry but I can not help how I feel and I have known about this since Dec 97 so I am actually doing well because I have not really done anything to her except put her pic on hotornot.com, (where she rates a 1.4 LOL) thanks for replying and I do know I should get it under control but at this time I can't

I don't have an OC in my situation to worry about, but I despise the slug, also. Not only has she (once) attempted to physically assault me and (many times) harassed me with hang up phone calls, she sent a couple of very rude and mean emails ... and feels completely justified in stealing my husband and taunting me with it.<P>Thank God they have moved to another state. And thank God I don't have to be concerned about an OC... although I also don't have my husband, either. <P>My take on this is that I love my husband, I married him with a commitment to love, honor and cherish him for better or worse until death do us part... I didn't do so great on the honor and cherish part for a while ... he didn't do so great (and still isn't, obviously) on the "forsaking all others" part... but I never made any promise or commitment to the slug. I never invited her into my life, she just decided she had the right. I married my husband loving him, and still love him. I don't have to love or like the slug. And I don't have to feel anything other than hostility toward her. Might not be particularly in keeping with Christian teachings, but it is the way I feel.<P>Add an OC to the mix and I could seriously identify with "hate"...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

That is too funny...My OW os Not very attractive either, and NOT thin if you know what I mean...My H is Very attractive, and I still get carded in my early 40's..and still am small even though I have had 3 kids ( size 2)..I look at her and she looks older than my mother and she is only 38...she also wears the same perfume as my Grandmother and I told her so. What did they SEE in them..to risk their whole family???... sometimes when I am realing in anger..(OK this is bad and very unChristian like) I tell him to go to his FAT ugly GF...you know that see if I care attitude...man that gets him...She never wants to see me again...she did not know how I looked and it shocked her...she assumed I was 41, OLD and Fat...but OH WELL...so now I told H that if he visits we visit...she does not have a choice...we pay for everything...OH and bye the way..she DID NOT SHOW UP FOR THE BLOOD TEST...and we got the judge to approve the baby to be swabbed so there was no needle stick for baby ( her first excuse not to test)..I still feel nothing for her..I KEEP PRAYING it stays that way...this A has made me a real B&*^%...something I never wanted to be....I tell H now you made me a B&**&..and it makes me fume...I am a REAL B*&*&... for a 3 week fling...Jerk...OK ..I was OK ...best stop before I turn into a hurricaine....Hate the OW for me too..I am trying I think if I could Hate her..I would feel better...hope you have a better night...I think I will wack my H upside the head...for the Heck of it..(just kidding...but it felt good to say it)...Good nite

I have no idea what OW even looks like and this is going to sound bad, but I hope she IS ugly.<BR>Its confession time for the ol Hawk.<BR>I wish she would attempt to assault me as that would be all that I would need to let lose and do what I have wanted to do for almost two years and that is to kick the everloving s*** out of her. I would find emense pleasure in every punch thrown!!<BR>How's that for hatred and anger and a poor Christian attitude??<BR>I am not a perfect person...I have a lot of bad traits.<BR>I call them my personal demons and I recognize them and keep them in check. But there are times when it would sure feel good to just let loose and kick some a##!!

And by the way, in answer to your question of what did H see in them.<BR>Mine told me all he saw was the fact that she was easy!<BR>If you are that ugly, I guess you probably would be easy as that is the only way to get any.<BR>God forgive for what I just said.<BR>I told you I had some bad traits!!

Freedom,<BR>I want to be you when I grow up!!!...I am working on allowing emotions to surface...I feel sorry when the 41 years of all this crap lets loose...think my H will be able to handle it ?...talk about letting things bite you in the A#$...OW came to me..she assumed she was all that...and she got so mad at H...for not telling her what I looked like....Joke was on her for being so nosey and pushey...<BR><p>[This message has been edited by MyCross (edited May 04, 2001).]

Serves her right!!<BR>You just should have told her that every one has the good china and then they also have the cheap old paper plates that you use and then throw away. <BR>You be the good china lady, you know what that makes her!!

That is too funny..can I quote you ?

Go for it!!

I am deeply angry with OW and have hated her. I am trying to move past thinking about her at all, because when I do it eats me alive. My H claims not to think about her at all-I am not sure that is true-but I know I obsess about her much too much for my own good. I am furious she has used my kids, inviting them to the OC's first birthday party , with them thinking it was an innocent little invitation. Little did I know them that she was probably trying to create a family bond between my kids and OC. That will not happen now. I want her and OC as far away from my kids and my life forever. Forever-will never feel differently.The fact she lives too close to me right now is painfully difficult. I hope she moves, often hope she and OC drop off the face of the earth, never to hear from them again. And on good days, I pray she finds a man to parent child and get H off hook, and me off CS payments. But I do resent her tremendously, and do not see her in any way a victim.

lsb,<BR>I am so sorry for the pain...the more I read your posts the more I see were you are coming from...I am going to keep you in my prayers..I will pray for peace in your heart...I will pray that the anger and hurt softens, so that you and your H can start healing...Lsb...some men really ...really dont place the kind of love and trust in "sex" that us women do...unfortuantly the "sex" act is what creates these innocent children. Your H feels like that because what was a fling to him...destroyed your friendship and your world as you currently see it.."sex" was everything to me..it was a special thing that only my H and I was suppose to share...now I feel as if he is passing it out like M&M's even though there has only been 1 affair (that I know and he swears too..but you know how that goes..) trust needs to be rebuilt...now I doubt everything he says...try not to consume too much about OW...dont let her win...by allowing your soul to get eaten by all this (this is the attitude..I am TRYING to take)..the happy and self confident I am...the more it disrupts her and her agenda...I win that way (noone actually wins) BUT she does not get the best of me...NEVER let her know that she bothers you that much...again it give her the upper hand...TAKE the upper hand...YOU have your H she does not...you have the family ..again she does not...MY OW wanted my life...guess what?? I would not gve it to her...but I NEVER faught her for it..it was mine to hand to her..I never did..I kept it and my dignity (though I feel I am still fighting for the dignity)...hold your head up and release this crap that is eating you up..give it to the Lord, let him carry this burden that is becoming to hard for you to carry...and LIVE with your H and work to be happy again...DONT LET THAT B^&%$ WIN!!! Just cuz you have you H does not mean you win ( and I am talking emotional battle)...find yourself in all this H***...your in there...I am going to keep you in my Prayers...we all need to hold our heads up...we are great women..and we deserve to be treated a such...<p>[This message has been edited by MyCross (edited May 04, 2001).]

fizzpop,<P>i don't like the OW very much that is for sure. i don't wish her any harm. she is the one that has nothing. she wanted my H, she says she still loves him, but he loves ME. he never loved her. she will never have what WE have. i actually feel sorry for her sometimes. and other times i just wish i could tell her all the things i have ever thought about her.<P>mycross, you said you wonder why sometimes?? i wouldn't say i am pretty, but i am average looking. OW is short, fat, and has a vulgar mouth. i rarely say swear words, etc. she uses them like her everyday language. my H says that she offered him sex, at a time when we were having major problems, and not having sex(for months before the affair). he said it was stupid, and weak. <P>i have had those thoughts of wanting some kind of revenge. but i let those thoughts just entertain my mind. i know i wouldn't feel better if i did do something mean to her. but it sure helps me sometimes... <P>freedom hawk, i totally agree with you. letting her get to me lets her win somehow. i want her to see that she didn't ruin us. that we are happier now than ever. and in a way i have her to thank for that. we would have never realized that we were in a desperate situation in our marriage had we not gone through this. so i get back at her the best way possible. i stay happily married and more in love than ever with my H!!! and it all gets back to her because she is now neighbors with my BIL's ex girlfriend, but he still sees his ex for their kids. so she knows we are still married 4 years later, and happy. best revenge i can think of, and i won't feel bad later.<P>happy_girl<p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited May 05, 2001).]

I have come to the conclusion that when women get upset or angry that they have the tendency to throw things.<BR>When men get upset of angry they have a tendency to go have sex with some bimbo who is more than happy to oblige them.<BR>(My apologies to any men reading this, as I know this is only an observation made on the realities that I happen to have.)<BR>When my OH (other half) finally told me WHY it happened, because he got angry at me and then drunk and then....;<BR>I didn't say a word, I just got up off the couch where we were sitting, went to the kitchen, got a plate out of the cupboard and brought it back in and handed it to him.<BR>I then said to him<BR>"The next time you get pissed off please just throw this as hard as you can. We may end up buying new dishes but that will be a whole lot cheaper than paying CS for the next 18 years."<BR>He turned bright red and nodded his head yes.<BR>Glueing dishes back together is a heck of a lot easier than trying to glue the pieces of your heart back together!!!

I usually stay away from these types of subjects, because I was once an OW ... although, as anyone who's read me knows, I was betrayed by my ex-H five times in a 20 yr. marriage...<P>That being said, I have a question, and I mean this thoughtfully...<P><B>If the OW in your cases had not borne a child, would the hate be as stong?</B><P>...and I do mean to begin a dialogue, not argue with anyone about hating the OW... Lord knows, the five in my case are not my fav people...<P>**as an aside, I normally post in the GQ area... just come by every so often, a LOT lately with the probs, to offer support.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

I do not hate the OW, but I can honestly say she is not someone I respect or like. If it were not for the OC she would not even be a blip in my life. But due to the OC she is permanently "linked" to me (like a really gross third cousin) because she has a child that is linked to my children. I resent that situation. I resent the fact that my children are tied to this woman now for the rest of their lives. I had no call in that decision. That is what makes me mad. Not OW. Not OC. Justthe fact that my children's lives have been permanently altered by someone who was so very careless and had no concern for them. That infuriates me. <P>Carolyn

NB, you musta missed my post on page one of this topic... yes, I think the hate can be as strong. The only difference is that, eventually, whether in recovery or divorced, at some point those who have not got OC's in their lives will be able to disconnect more completely from the situation and put the hate away. With an OC, particularly one who will be repeatedly thrust into the life of the BS either through visitation or cs payments, that raw spot will be constantly irritated, and the BS will find it far more difficult to put that hate away or aside.<P>That's my take on it, at least. Coming from a person NOT in recovery, with no idea when my husband might divorce me, and no OC in my life ... I still despise slug to the core of my being, and I'm still waitin' for that truck with bad brakes... !<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hi Terri,<P>You know what? I did miss your post! How could've I done that??? <P>I have given this a lot of thought since my *fat* thread, and ya know... I HATE THE OW's too!! I hate that the last one, in particular, circled like a vulture (and a patient one, at that) until my ex was **free** (which he wasn't in January 2000 - duh! We were still trying to recover) and then sucked him in (no pun intended). I hate that she used Jesus to her advantage, and I just generally hate her.<P>Maybe hate is much too strong a word at this point in my personal recovery (not marital)... but I do have rather strong feelings about all of them, in retrospect.<P>

Hey Fizz,<P> I hate OM because I can't hate my wife. I hate him because he took the sanctity of my marriage. I can never get that back.<P> I hope I can get past this, because the opposite of love is not hate, it's indiference.<P><BR> God bless you, <P>------------------<BR>Gregg