I have feelings of anger and hate toward OW. Although I have only know about A and OC for a little over two weeks, the VERY next day I went to find her. . . and I did! And the first words out of my mouth were "I can't believe that my H would risk his marriage with a fat B$**$ like you". She was shocked, but I will admit it fet very good to tell her what a low life she was. The amazing part was she just stood there, and then finally said something REALLY STUPID - which was "The ex-President, Jesse Jackson and lots of famous people have had this type of thing happen to them. ...what would make you think your situation is special". That's when I thought I would get in my car and run her over. . .but I didn't. Being 5 months pregnant I didn't think it would be a good idea to end up delivering in jail . <BR>ANYWAY, I love the breaking plates idea. Even if it's just a couple a month, who cares! Heck, even if it was a couple a day, who cares! Anything would be better than this. We are going to try to work it out, but I sometimes have serious doubts. I can't lay in bed with H without thinking about it. He and OW never came here, but still. . . it's the thought that it happened in a bed, somewhere. Affair was only 3 weeks (OW confirmed that) - But still long enough to ruin my life for at least the next 18 years - If not for it's remainder. OC does connect you forever. . . if there was no OC I think moving on would be more realistic. . ...

Hey guys,<P> How come all your OPs are fat and ugly, and my OM is young and good lookin'. This really sucks!!<P><BR> God bless you good-lookin' wives,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Gregg, my OW is 10 years younger, pretty and talks with a baby doll voice that would win over most anyone. I have talked with her and it is hard to hate her. But that still doesn't mean I respect her. Carolyn

The scank in my life is scawny and ugly. I think the anger I carry most is that her knowing that we were a family and that didnt matter .I know if she had not known about me or our daughter and had sex with my h I would not have as much anger nawing at me. What also burns me is never a I am sorry for what I,ve done just a bitc** attitude like I did something wrong to her. Things normaly dont bother me anymore only when I let my mind think about it. with love flowerseed <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited May 07, 2001).]

Hey Carolyn,<P> It's hard to respect someone who would go afer someones mate. Thats why I think I put most of the blame for this on OM. My wife was sad, depressed, hurting, and vulnerable, and he knew it, and took advantage of it!<P> That is what I would like to say to all the WSs on this site who are shouldering all the blame! You were in a bad place, and someone took advantage of it!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

I will always hate the OW and it does not make a difference that there may be oc involved,She set out to ruin a marriage with malicious intent so I have the right to hate her nad I did talk to her once on the phone and she lied, siad I threatened her, I only called her a chicket **** but I got a years probation for that, LOL oh well I will know better,It is better to beat the crap out of her as that is a lesser charge than uttering threats, She is so scared of me and I do not get why because she is twice my size, Oh well works in my favor ,but I do hate her and she is very uglay and very fat

Hey flowersex,<P> I would also like to say to you that none of the BSs on this site deserved what happened to them! I know that a lot of BSs are also taking the blame.<P> You did not deserve what happened to you!!<P><BR> I hope I didn't offend anyone!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hey Gregg,<P>You aren't the only one who's OP was good looking. My H's OW here, who was supposedly my first friend out here, was good looking and quite trim. I honestly don't know if I actually hate her, but I do know that I am very angry, due to her acting like we were such good friends, and even when she suspected something was going on, she didn't do anything to try to stop me. I wonder why? She also thought up a way to keep me from being suspicious by acting like H was her "little brother"!! I would like to get to the point of indifference towards her, which will most likely happen around Aug or Sept, when her H is due to transfer. Oh well.<P>Tigger

Hey Tigger,<P> I've found that the more I talk about OM with my wife, the less he bothers me. I find out that he has flaws and nasty habits too.<P> Is that wierd??<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

tigger,<BR>The ow never tried to be nice to me. My h worked with her she would call to talk about work (I know it crossed my mind this isnt right) even then she had a attitude. One time I asked h what the h*** was her problem with me. He had a very strange look on his face. I didnt know anything at that time. I was a little bit to trusting I would say.<P>Greg, you didnt say anything to offend anyone I dont know what your talking about. <BR> with love flowerseed <BR>

I'm gonna jump on the "hope I didn't offend anyone" bandwagon...<P>Just hope I didn't... that's all.

Do I hate the OW??<BR>I think anger and hate are two different things.<BR>Yes, I feel intense anger towards her.<BR>I have no idea what she looks like as I have only talked to her on the phone. I do know she is young and that she did what she did because she was bored and it was something to do and that she did know that I existed.<BR>I guess what I would really like is the opportunity to stand face to face with her, let her look into my eyes when I ask her who the he%% gave her the right to so selfishly step into the middle of someone else's life, someone else's relationship and make a total mess of it.<BR>I think that face to face confrontation with her would help me move past a lot of the anger.<BR>She had the nerve to have her sister call me and ask me if SHE could call and talk to me so that I would convince H to call her and make arrangements to go to doctor visits, child birth classes ect as she wanted him to be a part of THEIR babies birth.<BR>You know, that still iritates the everlovin H*** out of me.<BR>First she sleeps with my man and then she wants me to convince him to see her some more!!!<BR>I delivered her message and H looked at me and said,<BR>"You gotta be kidding!"<BR>He never called her back.<BR>She also called to let me know how he made it so obvious how badly he wanted her. And that he told her on the night that she told him she was pg that he was going to come home and kick me out and end things with me.<BR>She said a lot of stuff.<BR>I was pretty numb at the time and in shock so didn't have much to say.<BR>Now I just want a chance to say a few things myself, but I am the kind the has the guts to say it to her face and not over the phone.<BR>I wait.<BR>If God intends it to happen, it will happen.<BR>Maybe then the anger I carry in my heart will finally start to go away.<BR>

I have spent the last 11 months hating the op.<BR>Never has something consumed me more. <BR>I have come to an uncomfortable acceptance of my<BR>h's bad choice. Since he shows me in new ways that<BR>he does love me it is easier to forgive him.<BR>It is the op's actions leading up to and after the<BR>mistake that fuel my anger at her. She made herself<BR>available, going so far as to show my h that she wasnt<BR>wearing a ring. So i dont feel sorry for her that my<BR>h took advantage of her. I completely realize that<BR>every case is different. There are lousy men and lousy<BR>women. And there are good people who make mistakes.<BR>Getting back to my hatred for the op-it was like a<BR>nasty virus for months on end. I wrote her pages of<BR>really mean sh*t, never sending them. It seems like<BR>this past year was wasted time but I know that is part<BR>of the healing process. I confronted her with all my<BR>questions and said all i needed to say to her a few<BR>mos ago. Since then i have let alot of the anger go<BR>but it still can ruin my day.<BR>We should be at a communion party right but i am in<BR>a funk. We also our having our little boy christened<BR>tomorrow and there is alot to do but i do not have<BR>the desire. <BR>I can see that i took my anger out on RY in her thread<BR>about the om. I do not mean to personally hurt anyone.<BR>I feel i need to defend my h, he really wasnt out to<BR>take advantage of anyone. She came to him and was low<BR>enough to have sex on the spot. <BR>Her looks...well I dont know whats worse, butt ugly<BR>or pretty-it still is wrong. When i saw her i thought<BR>surely this cant be. I was actully embarrassed for my h.<BR>NOw i am the one who is embarrassed this has happened<BR>to my family. I feel for the other child, i only wish<BR>it had never happened. My 2 yr old daughter notices<BR>when i cry now and says "what, mom?" she runs for tissues.<BR>

The biggest pain for me is the long term connection to the A due to the OC. I always said the existence of the OC and The A will kill my marriage to my h. It may still do that. I think I would have an easier time dealing with this had there just been an affair, but my H' and OW;s lack of protection has forever made this even more difficult. I hate it tremendously.that said, lately I think of how H broke his marriage vows,his committment to me, etc. and how that really hurts. He has damaged how I look at him, and I do not know if I can bring that back for him.Of course, chances are, had their just been an affair, he would have successfully hid it from me and I would not be in this pain now.Would I wished that have been true? yes, because the pain is unbearable and I also agree that having this affair connect my kids to a woman I neither want to know, care to know, and hate annoys the heck out of me. The fact they are damaged in this process is unforgivable to me and if H or OW ever damage them more, I know forgiveness of H will never come to be. The threat to my kids and family feels worse due to existence of OC / Until I feel more secure that OW will really leave us alone, albeit take the lousy CS monthly., I will never feel relaxed,e tc. And that I hate with a passion. But I would always hate her for invading my life and having no concern for my kids, with or without existence of OC.

their probably wouldn't be as much hate because i would never have anything else to do with her. but if a child is in the picture the hatred is stronger toward ow.

Freedom,<P>Are you sure your not me? You have mirrored everything I would have siad, except for the good china and paper plate comment. Thats pretty good!<P>Love<P>bw