Zebra, Happygirl, Gemini, Tigger, Fluke, Flowerseed, Heavenly, and to everyone else, thanks again for thinking of me. Glad to be somewhat back, just having a hard time catching up. Kind of like tigger did when she left, only she left to have a baby. It's hard to catch up and I have a lot I wanted to share. Well actually I did not leave to have a baby, but we did add an addition to our family. The oc came over and my children and I met him. My son took it well we told him just the night before the visit, because he is six and would have been crazy waiting for the event if we told him too much in advance. They played well, and enjoyed each others company. I told my mother and she took it sooooo well. I had such fear and worry over this issue, that my mom would hate my h, and it was just the opposite, she hugged and kissed him and told him everyone makes mistakes and everything will be fine. She even came over to met the oc, and was very sweet to him. The one night stand that lead to the oc did happen so long ago over six years, so emotions fade and everyone realizes that no matter what happens life is going to go on so lets make the best of it and enjoy and be thankful for what we have and how blessed we are. We have a long way to go before we can all truely live happily, my h and I are doing great, we have a few downs but more ups,and that is the most important thing repairing our marriage and family for ourselves and our children to be healthy, now we can help the oc to feel happy and accepted. The ow is a whole other issue she is trouble and probably always will be, after so many years she still holds so much bitterness,and then people wonder why there is bitterness towards the ow. Ever issue is a problem, with her, she complains about everything my h does and says, she is still aganist visitation, and we have to fight for every hour, and we have a court order. Even just with our last visit she yelled at her child because he wanted to stay longer. Our lawyer is working on things and hopefully by the end of the week we will have a longer time ordered and less fights. For the oc sake I hope her lawyer or the judge of someone tells her she is doing more harm, and it will come back to her if she does not stop. Oh well, sorry this ended up so long, that is what I get for staying away too long. Thanks for reading this and thanks for all the support, you guys are all great. Peace, Gabi1116 <BR>

Poor little kid. I feel sorry for him. Why on earth do the courts allow these women to retain full custody? And torture their children with their mean mouths?<P>Gabi, after six years, it is true that you and your husband and your family have had time to let the emotions cool and look at the entire situation with a lot less emotion and focus more on the child.<P>I am really inspired by your story. I doubt I will ever be able to do what you are doing, but I do respect you immensely and your ability to look beyond yourself.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^= <BR>

Gabi,<P>I am so glad your mom took it like that. Do you think she would have reacted the same if the issue was a little fresher ot all? WOW, though, that is really great. I dread the day I end up having to tell my family. I pray mine would act the same way.<P>Sorry ow is still such a witch. How horrible for oc to be yelled at for enjoying himself. Pretty sickening.<P>Love<P>bw

Catnip, and Broken wings, Thanks so much for your kind words, it is great to know that I have support out there, you guys are all great. I read CDcollins thread about the oc and the ow leaving her alone, how awful. And now she is with the ow's mother, if such a thing happened to our oc that would be what would happen also, because the ow lives with her mom. I think our ow is just so jealous, still, and still carries so much bitterness, that she does not want her child to enjoy himself with us. I wonder if she actually thinks she is doing my h a favor by allowing him to see the oc. I know that the check he sends out every month is not sent out as a favor, but is enforced by the law. Don't get me wrong, I do feel that oc deserves the cs, I just question the amount and actually how it is being spent. Oh did I mention the ow is pregnant and moving in with her boyfriend. As far as my mom goes I think you my be right Broken Wings maybe it was easier for my mom to accept because of the time that has passed. I also did not find out about the oc until he was three years old, so it was hard to look back on something that happened in the past and be as mad as I would have been if it was an on going thing, it was a one night stand. There is so much that we are going to have to deal with, I feel that I have achieved some closure, because it is no longer a secret to anyone in my family and everyone did handle it great, but we do have a long road to go. Just hope our lawyer can help out this week, thanks again. Peace to all, Gabi1116 <p>[This message has been edited by gabi1116 (edited May 08, 2001).]

Yeah Gabbi,<P>Another victory for all of us. It's so great that your mom took the news well. I know you were worried. I guess we can all get out of this that time does heal. I wish we could have told my mom some years down the road. But my son can't keep his mouth shut about his other sister!<P>As far as the OW, they just don't get it. I truely think many of them are sadists and enjoy being miserable. Why else would you have a married man's baby, even after he tells you he doesn't want your or that baby. Sick puppies some of them I tell you.<P>Keep fighting the good fight. I'm so proud of you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Dear Gabi,<P>I missed your thread when it was first posted, but I wanted you to know how wonderful it is that your Mom took the news so well and that the OC is getting to know your family!!<P>I know how worried you were about your Mom, so that is really a load off your mind. It seems that God makes them rise to the occasion when you least expect it <P>As for your new stepson, you know like Catnip said that you are an inspiration to me. I could never do what you are doing, although it is something that I always wanted. By your good example and your caring, you will make a big difference in that little one's life. And, I am sure that your marriage will be on stronger ground than ever because of your ability to share this experience with your H instead of letting it destroy you.<P>Your mom is so right -- we all make mistakes. I have finally accepted my H's mistake and I truly no longer want to punish him or hurt him. But, I am still bothered by my inability to accept the OC and to allow her to be a part of my life. <P>If you don't mind my asking, how do you really feel when you see the OC? What kind of thoughts go through your mind? Do you compare him to your child? Do you look for features that remind you of your H and does it hurt you to find them?<P>Sorry for all the questions. It's just that this is something that has been on my mind for so long and your OC and mine are close in age. At this point, I would not be meeting a baby, but a child who has already developed quite a bit. <P>I don't want my H to feel that he is competing for my affection or attention. I want him to feel secure enough to see the OC without fear or guilt that he is hurting me. But, at the same time, I cannot say that I will take it well. <P>Sorry if I am rambling, I am feeling very emotional today. I have just found out I am expecting again and I am on an emotional rollercoaster from that news too. So, I guess I am just in "maternal mode" and I am trying to sort out my feelings once and for all about the OC.<P>Gabi, I am really happy for you. You have earned these pleasures, so enjoy them.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Gabbi,<P>I am SO happy for you and your family! I am happy that your mother is willing to get to know this little boy, and that he had such fun at your home!<P>When I read the part about the OW yelling at her son for wanting to stay longer, I got SO angry!!! It is not fair to be so mean to a young child. It also reminded me of a couple of posts from CD about a similar thing being a possibility with her OW. I believe she was stating what could happen, that the child would complain to mom and say she liked it better with them! Maybe that will come about for you and your family, as far as the child wanting to be with you guys more.<P>Well, I can't post as long as I used to, Abbi is fussing, quite loudly!! She is wanting her lunch.<P>I will try to keep up. <P>Love,<P>Tigger

116,<P>I'm so glad things went well for the first family visit. Your story is an inspiration to me as well. After all, children only grow in a womb for nine months...but they grow in our hearts forever! (can't take credit for that gem...someone else said it but it couldn't be more true).<P>We are still waiting for the day we can accept OC in our home and in our lives. Right now, things are still so stressful. I believe the XOW wants my H to be involved in the child's life, but she's not quite comfortable with it happening without her presence and most of all, not comfortable with me being there. She's afraid we'll bond and try to take the baby away. <P>There is still hope though...we met her father (the xow's) and he has assured us that he'll make sure OC is aware of her father regardless to what xow says or does. We'll see!<P>

Heavenly, Tigger and Matthew, thanks so much for all your kind words they really keep me going. Heavenly I am sooooo Happy for you. I have actually been tossing that baby idea around alittle more that usual lately. But $ is our issue right know I think I will kmow better by the end of the summer. If we do not do it by then we may never. I really have a lot to say to you guys but I am so beat so I will check in in the morning. Thanks again, reading these last few posts has really made me feel good. Peace to all. GABI1116

oh gabbi, so only tigger, heavenly and matthew's kind words matter. <P>i feel shunned! <P>just kidding, i'm used to being overlooked. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Just adding my congradulations gabi---good for you guys! Why be mean to the kid, indeed...

Gabbi, I'm so happy to hear how well things went for you. God has his hand over all of you now. I'm so delighted to hear of your sweet Mom's reaction.<P>Ow is a witch huh? It does seem like most of them are doesn't it?<P>Hey Heavenly...do pictures count? I didn't feel angry when I saw pictures of baby...just felt bad he has a nut case for a mother. Honestly...but he does look soooo very much like ow! Geeze!!! Guess I'm glad about that as Michael is the spitting image of H...dishwater blonde...same face...built.... So I produced the true carbon copy son...heh heh heh.....<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Zebra, I am sooooo sorry I totally had no intention of overlooking your congrats. Thanks so much, you should know by now girl, your kind words are always appreciated. I guess I overlooked mentioning you in my last post because we have been in contact so much over the last week. Really thanks again. You are a great lady, Zebrababy. Peace, Gabi1116

Gemini, yes.....ow is a big time witch, and I am sure it is going to come back around and kick her square in the [censored] someday. heavenly, I just wanted to address some of your questions from your last post. When I saw the three pictures we have of the oc, each time I saw a new one it did make me a little sick to my stomach.. There were similarties to my h when the oc was younger. However, the older he has gotten the less he looks like my h. The more he has started to acquire his mother's looks. He has gone through a phase where he looked like a nephew of my h, and he does slightly look like my daughter. How does this all make me feel? Well it used to make me angry, then after I saw the ow for the first time at court, the whole family looks thing used to make me physically ill. Now that I have met him, I almost feel foolish for getting so emotionally uptight, he is just an inoccent little boy. He has no idea what his exsistence has done to so many people. He has no control over all this bull, and he has no idea that he is even the cause of anything negative. All he cares about is riding his bike, playing at the park, pokemon, cartoons, eating ice cream and whatever else a five year old boy likes to do and finds important in his life. How I feel now about the oc has changed since before I met him. Before I met him I had mixed feeling, wanted to do the right thing for all the children, mine and him, but was very uneasy and nervous. Now that I have met him I almost feel embarrassed and foolish that I could have let a child that knows nothing of all this make me feel intimadated. It is not the oc that has hurt me, that has hurt my marriage and my relationship with my h, it is the infideity that produced him that has caused all my pain and sadness. So now I can say I am no longer anger, sad, upset or what ever other emotion I can name because of him, it is only because of the reason he is. And this I have been working on with my h for three years and I feel we have healed well,and will continue to. I can honestly say that for me, being involved with the oc may help our marriage even more. It has only been a short time since I met the oc so I am hoping these feeling are real and do not fade for me. Do I compare him to my childrem? What mother would't? I compare my children to other peoples children, friends, cousins, nieces, nephews...So my answer is yes. My son and the oc are very different, and both have wonderful qualities. I hope I have helped in some way with these answers. we have a long road, my family, and the resistance from his mom is only putting more bumps in it. <BR>Aside from that we are all happy so far and looking forward to a pleasant and fun filled summer. I have spoken to my lawyer today , issues with visitation, and we may not get to see him for a week or two which we are not happy with. He is working on it and will give us a better answer tomorrow afternoon. I will post again. Take care and Peace to all. Gabi1116<p>[This message has been edited by gabi1116 (edited May 09, 2001).]

Dear Gabi,<P>Thank you for answering my questions in such detail. I guess it is all a matter of perception. When we first find out there are so many things that we don't know. Our trust is shaken, our confidence in our marriage is shattered, and we don't really know how the OW and the OC are going to affect us.<P>It is easy to build a wall around yourself, your H and your children, like a castle, trying to keep everything together. In some ways that is what I feel I did. My fear that my H might love the OW more or love the OC more made me compulsively want to send them away. <P>Although my H says "no contact" now, I feel deep inside that he is making a huge sacrifice for me. I respect him and love him for that, but my life has been made whole and I want his to be also. That's why I have been thinking so hard of amending our "no contact" rule. <P>But, I want to be honest and fair to myself. I still feel that something very precious was stolen from me because of the A and the OC. And I wondered what it would be like to look into the face of the OC carrying all this baggage with me. It's funny that you said your OC is just like any other child. When I have asked my H what the OC is like, he has said the same thing. She is just a child. She cares only about what other children care about.<P>Sadly, she did ask him why she could not meet his family. He never gave her an answer. I also believe that he and the OW made a terrible mistake when she asked why they were not married. My H told her that he and the OW had sex and she was conceived by mistake -- but that he had promised to take care of her. <P>I used to believe that I would rejoice to hear about mean things that my H said to the OW and OC. But I only felt sadness when he told me that. She is just a child. She did not have to know that she was a mistake -- only the OW had to know that.<P>My H feels that he handled things badly because he was still angry that the OW had put him through all this. He also did not have my influence to calm him down. But, now I am starting to think of the effects all this will have on the child herself.<P>You gave me a lot to think about Gabi and I am very grateful. There are so many screwed up people in this world (I see most of the world's degenerates daily!) and I hate to think that my H is putting another one on the streets. I am going to do some serious thinking.<P>And, gemini, of course photos count! Giancarlo does have a sad excuse for a mother. I am glad that he looks like her and not your H. Given all the twists in your story, I am waiting for the paternity test to come back negative -- so we can through a cyber party!<P>love,<BR>heavenly

gabi, That is wonderful news. My family took it really well and A was just months ago. Glad to hear your wonderful news!! I just want to applaud you and your wonderful H for wanting and being a part of his childs life! That is awesome. Even if my marriage doesnt workout I wish for my H to love,care, and parent both of his children. Im going to encourage my H to read your post. God Bless You and your H. Oh and good luck with your lawyer,will definity be praying for you. I love reading post like this. They are so so encouraging!