My h knows nothing about Harley's principals or MarriageBuilders, but this was a LB. I was showing him that I had lost some of the weight I gained while on Paxil.I have decreased my dosage from 20mg per day to about 5 per day. And he says "why are you taking them any way.If you were busier, you wouldn't have time to be depressed." HUH? That's his method. Working himself to death so he never has time to face anything. The catch is, is that he thinks the problems just "disappear", when in fact they just fester and eat you from the inside out. Talk about 2 steps back. That's how things are handled in his country, just ignore it and it goes away. I don't think so. Now I am disappointed and aggravated. That's also the reason he never solves anything. He just assumes it will go away.

No Blue,<BR>He is just a man ( sorry men out there)...My H does the same thing, works himself to death (that's another board-workaholics). My H questioned me yesterday, because I went shopping all day had lunch with a friend etc...He was put out because "he works so hard", and I am out having a good time. My H wants me to stay home and be depressed. NOT this little girl...no way...in fact I think I mention something about how much the stress of everything we are going through (thanks to him) may cost him ..yesterday it cost him BIG...today a different mall...this is the best therapy for me...My H likes to spend "his" money , having a hard time me doing it...But I think My "allowance" should at least equal what he is giving that witch...dont you???...so I just got a raise... and that is my H's mentallity too...if you dont talk about it will go away...NOT this Italian hotcake...no way...so I wont talk about what I am going to to at the mall today...he will get that bill next month...OK Girls...I think I hit the ANGER OUT OF MY MIND PHASE OF THIS CRAP...and I am going to get H back where it hurts..in the pocket book (maybe I will buy a new car)..Does Steve talk about that type of therapy ( and I am not making a joke...I imagine others want to do this ...I know friends that do)...See I want to upset H...this is what I am talking about..I just want to scream at him...all the time...but I dont...I just seeth.. Gosh my post are becoming scary...I will survive

I think fantasies of some sort of revenge can make us feel less powerless. However, acting on them, can cause even greater problems in the marriage in the long run.<P>My thoughts were to send out birth announcements to everyone we knew, including about a thousand job contacts in his database. It would have gone like this:<P>After 17 years of marriage, Mrs. Job would like you <BR>to join her in congratulating Mr. Job on the event <BR>of the birth of his out-of-wedlock daughter, conceived <BR>with Ms. Oh-What-A-Tramp of Sometown, Somestate.<P>Ms. Tramp is at home with child and can be reached at <BR>Oh You Tramp (649 688-7267) or on the internet at <A HREF="http://www.ihavenomorals.com" TARGET=_blank>www.ihavenomorals.com</A> <P>My family and I had a huge laugh over this, but my mother warned me not to implement unless I was sure I wanted a divorce.<P>I also had more evil fantasies. He had major surgery <BR>3 weeks or so after Dday. They thought he had salivary gland cancer. I wanted to wait until they gave him the dopey and happy drug and were about to wheel him off into surgery. I wanted to kiss him on the forhead and say "I don't care if you live or die today. I won't be around when you get out of recovery." Obviously, I did not do any such thing and now I am glad I didn't.<P>To the men out here, you might want to skip this part:<P>Now my fantasies are mild and humorous. I want to start a business at <A HREF="http://www.malebashing.com." TARGET=_blank>www.malebashing.com.</A> My first product would be <BR>a bumper sticker that says:<P>"Men are from Mars. Let's send 'em all back."<P>I figured that it wouldn't cost a cent. If we could just keep 'em from farting for a week, they would all blow themselves into orbit.<P>Again, my mother-the-wise says there would be a very small market, just lesbians because the single women are tyring to attract a man (and that bumper sticker probably wouldn't do it) and married women's husbands would have a fit if that were put on their car.<P>Guys can begin reading again:<P>However, MyCross it is good to hear you hitting the next stage. It is amazing how huge the rage can be isn't it? It gradually goes away if you don't feed it<P>Mrs. Job

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mrs. Job:<BR><B><P>After 17 years of marriage, Mrs. Job would like you <BR>to join her in congratulating Mr. Job on the event <BR>of the birth of his out-of-wedlock daughter, conceived <BR>with Ms. Oh-What-A-Tramp of Sometown, Somestate.<P>Ms. Tramp is at home with child and can be reached at <BR>Oh You Tramp (649 688-7267) or on the internet at <A HREF="http://www.ihavenomorals.com" TARGET=_blank>www.ihavenomorals.com</A> <P>I figured that it wouldn't cost a cent. If we could just keep 'em from farting for a week, they would all blow themselves into orbit.<P>Mrs. Job</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wow. Mrs. Job. I want to thank you for the hilarity and making me burst out laughing in loud guffaws that caused my stomach to ache and tears run down my cheeks.<P>Blow themselves into orbit-hahahahahahaha!!! "Oh What A Tramp"...hahahaha...you kill me.<P>Catnip =^^=<P>

Gee, its good to hear that I am not the only one with a man who has the attitude that if you just forget that it all ever happened that you are "dealing" with it.<BR>I always thought that in order to deal with anything it first had to be confronted. <BR>Isn't just putting it out of your mind and forgetting that it ever happened just another way of running away from it?<BR>Like this is something that you can just put out of your mind and forget.<BR>I live with it every day.<BR>I live with it through the doubts and the fears that I feel deep in my heart. <BR>Not as bad now as before but none the less, still there.<P>Maybe we should all get together and see if we can find a place that will give us a break on buying corks in large quantities. If there isn't life on Mars now, that may change in time!!<BR>Remember two things.....Don't live in the past and the OW and OC are just a figment of your imagination and not constant reminders of something that you are supposed to just forget about.<BR>Are you sure Mars is far enough away??????

Blue,<BR>When I learned about A and OC I asked my H why he hadn't told me. His response ... " I just hoped it would go away".<BR>Can you say [censored].<P>Jtigger

Blue,<P>Mine is one of them. When I used to ask him what he was thinking, feeling, or even what he did pertaining to the affair the answer was I do not remember. Puleez. But he can remember every work to every song in the 80's. Plus all the cheesy movies, tv shows and commercials from that decade.<P>Mrs. Job,<P>You are way too funny! <P>MyCross,<P>I actually found revenge sites on the internet...of course they were mostly directed to ow. I never acted on any of them but they were funny. Helped the ole' imagination along. Those fantasies were quite delightful. I didnt act on any of them though. I had the same feeling about H though. We were quite poor and my wedding ring was not even .20 of a carat. He got out of the military and got a severance pay. I am now wearing 1.25 K. Thank you very much..lol.<P>Love to all<BR>bw

Mrs. Job that is HYSTERICAL! <P>Seriously, blue, look up <A HREF="http://www.affairs-help.com" TARGET=_blank>www.affairs-help.com</A> and take the quiz to see if your H's was a "conflict avoider" type affair. Maybe you can print out the results for your H to read. Until these men realize (mine did thank you GOD!) that conflict-avoidance is at the root of the problem, I don't know how life can get better. Just my 2cents.<P>Blessings,<BR>J

Blue you've been through so much. I think Jenny is right about conflict avoider. <BR>Mrs Job..don't leave...I love your humor!!!<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Thank you Jenny for the link.<BR>I guess I believe and feel that the only way that we can try to ensure that this is to never happen again is to find out why it happened in the first place.<BR>Unfortunately I am told that I analyze things way too much.<BR>I too get the "I forget" answer most of the time.<BR>So frustrating!!<BR>If I were to hurt and betray someone in that way I am afraid that that memory would be branded into my heart and soul.<BR>But maybe that is one of those major differences between men and women.<BR>Women confront and deal, men deny and forget?????<BR>I just know that if I could have the answers to some of those "I don't remember" questions that I could move forward in healing a whole lot easier. <BR>I find myself getting angry at him all over again because I need to confront to heal and he seems to need to forget and run away from it.<BR>I remember asking him one time "How the H can you forget the night you made the choice to do something that you knew would tear my heart out???"<BR>And of course he didn't have an answer to that except to say that he does not remember things that are not important to him.<BR>I responded with "Oh, the fact that you were betraying me and having sex with some other woman was not important to you???"<BR>His response was "It was just all a big stupid mistake and I just want to forget about it."<BR>He has done a very good job of that!!!!!<BR>I wish I could take him in and get him hypnotized or injected with sodium pentathol or something to get the answers that I need in order to heal but that he has shoved from his mind as if it never happened.<BR>I guess this must be something that I feel strongly about as I read back over this response and see its length.<BR>So sorry to run off at the mouth!!!!!!!<BR>Guess I just needed to vent a slight bit.....