Am I totally addicted to the drama? I sometimes began to wonder.....<BR>I'll try to make this as short as possible. I sent some of my daughters clothes to oc. Ow woman didn't understand, but hated that H always said I was an angel and she would never be as good as me. Why she was with him I do not know. This is from her mouth about how he spoke of me. She couldn't stand how I was acting (being nice) and she could't be outdone. She then sent some of her older daughters clothes to my daughter even though I told her we didnt need them. I thought it was a nice gesture, even though I knew her motives. I guess I thought if she thrived to be as nice then maybe we could all be adults and get passed this.<P>Fastforward....we hadnt had contact in a year and she emailed us a few weeks ago and said she wanted to talk to my H. We were adimint about the fact that she could email whatever info she wanted us to know. She thought we were being stupid and I thought she just wanted to talk to my H. If it was importatn she would have told us, right.<P>Well, I was going through my D's stuff to give some to BBS and found the clothes she had sent. I emailed her and asked her if her dad's address was the same and she told me that oc didnt need any clothes and I could keep the older daughter's stuff too. Here's the thing...I really do watn mu D's stuff back. I feel like they were my D's clothes and I had told her when I first sent them that I wanted them back. It is like she forgot about them. I want to ask her for them. But I am questioning my motives. Do I really need them back that bad? I didnt send her the best stuff or anything, but all my D's clothes are really nice. IT is my baby's baby clothes. I decide to wait til I hear from you guys before I emailher again.<P>Please respond quickly as i am not a patient person...lol<P>Love<P>bw

I think what you have done is a very nice gesture. I dont think you have any other motives. You are who your H described you to be. A kind harted woman...and probably told her what a great mom you are. I am sure she is fuming...and intimated...hell she tried to steal someones husband and lost. I think you should do what you want to in your heart. JMHO ...

Thanks MyCross. I appreciate that. I need to figure out if I email her for my daughter's clothes what do I say to her. Part of me wants to tell her off when I do, although I think I am starting to calm down now. This is why I try to wait before I act. Its like since she emailed me I cant get her out of my head! UGH!<BR>

BW:<P>I think I would just let her keep them if they aren't anything special that you wanted to pass down to another child of yours or a niece or someone close to you. It's kind of a tough call in the sense that this could open a can of worms you don't need right now and give her a reason to retaliate on some level. I know your motives are probably pure, but if you have plenty of nice things for your kids and really don't miss or need them, then I guess I would just let the sleeping dog-bytch lie.<P>Just my opinion-hahaha<P>Catnip =^^=

Cat,<P>I actually planned on getting them back and passing them down if I ever had another daughter. I am now loaning her clothes to my H's cousin's daughter. They do not have much at all. But I did make sure I sent her nothing of extreme sentimental value just in case down the road something happened and she wouldn't give them back. I would like to give them to the family, but like you said I am kinda afraid of opening a can of worms. That is what I am questioning. It almost seems like I want to....is that absolutely nuts?!<P>I have thought a lot about oc. Wondering what she looks like. Wondering if she is ok. I know it should not be my responsibility, but I still wonder. We do not send cs and there is no court order. However we are now I think in a state of finance to send her some $. I kinda feel obligated, although she is the one who dropped it. I know I should feel grateful that she is gone. What is wrong with me? That is why I wonder if maybe on a subconscience level I like the drama...what else could explain it?<P>bw

Dear bw,<P>What else could explain it? You sound very much like me. I am always wondering about the OC. My H and I right now have no contact but deep in my heart I feel that is not necessarily the best thing for the OC.<P>Sounds to me like you are a caring, responsible woman, who is simply questioning whether you are fulfilling your H's obligation to this child. It's true that it is not your responsibility, but the fact is a caring person finds it difficult to turn their back without a second thought.<P>If the OW would be more reasonable and stop trying to create trouble, you could have a whole different relationship. But, I agree with others that given her own behaviour, she is a rock best left unturned.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

bw,<BR>You are the better woman. I agree--LET it all GO. Don't send anything to her or ask for anything back. Take all her stuff to the thrift store and forget it. <P>At least, that is what I did. THe XOW continued to pretend to be my friend all the way up to DDay; 2 months of that time, I knew she was pregnant (and so was I). During that time, she and I talked about baby names, baby clothes, etc. (DOUBLE-BARF); she gave me TONS and TONS of clothes that had been her daughter's (I was expecting a girl) and I gave her a few things I had left of my son's (she was expecting a boy). She also ended up with some of our furniture, other clothes, and toys (we were moving), and a cat I'd had for 7 years!! I really regret that she got ANYTHING from me, but I didn't ask for any of it back and didn't use anything she gave. I refuse to play. And it works best that way--less contact!! (yes, I think about doing otherwise, even now after years, but I'm glad I don't)

Broken you are the better person here.<P>Like Jenny said ow sent bags of clothes to me all along to give to friends and family. It makes me so sick that I touched them!!!!<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

PS--are you addicted to drama? After all that we have each been through, I think it's hard for us NOT to keep poking at that "wound" (major injury!), but it heals better if we leave it alone.

Thanks everyone for your support. I think I will let sleeping dogs lie....for the moment anyways.<P>I am sure this little monster in me will pop up agian soon, so when it rears its ugly head I will be back asking you guys to talk some sense into me.<P>Love <P>bw

bw,<BR>sounds like you just dont know what you want. I agree about letting it all go. Is H involved in OC life? If so then yeah, ask for your D clothes. If not do you want to bring OW back into the picture? Clothes are clothes, Buy new ones. You sound way to caring(if there is such a thing?).H is a lucky man. I noticed you are curious about OC. Ask H if you can inquire about the child. You just sound way to cool! Hope God grant you peace.

Cardianl,<P>No H is not involved in oc's life. I think maybe I am curious about oc. Have only seen her in pics. I wouldnt mind having contact (if it were possible), but on the other hand...we now live back in our home town. If I start something the whold thing is going to blow shy high. I only have 1 aunt who knows of A. She knows nothing of oc. My mom knows of A, so I hear. I ahve never told her and i am not sure who has. But one of my friends thought my mom knew bc of questions she was asking friend. Friend answered them so she pretty much confirmed it. She knows nothing of oc. I just dont want to have to choose between my family and oc. If we were to search down ow and involve oc I would end up disowning half MY family or the other way around. I would ultimately choose between my H/OC and my family. I just dont want to go through that. On the other hand, maybe I would feel better once it was in the open. My D is only 3. My step-daughter is 7. How do we explain such things to them? And then how will I ever face H's ex-wife? I know that sounds like a stupid thing to be concerned about but I cant help it. Yes, Cardinal I have thoguht too much about oc lately. Not in a bad way...but wondering if maybe my marriage is strong enough now. dont even know how to bring this up to H. Ugh yes I am confused.<P>Love<BR>bw<P>Sorry, I can not seem to type today.<BR>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited May 12, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited May 12, 2001).]