Ok, well not really a survery, just a topic for disucssion.<P>There are two parts:<P>1. knowing what you know now, would you still have chosen to marry your spouse? Does that include affair and all?<P>2. If you and your spouse were to divorce, would you be looking to marry someone else? Do you feel you must be part of a couple?

1. Only if I had the power to change the course of events, i.e. go to that party, show up at the hotel, insist he stay in town for Thanksgiving, etc. Otherwise, no.<P>2. Only if the man had significant financial stability. Not because I would marry for money, it's just that these past twenty years of spouse spending all our money on himself has left me at a deficit and I would appreciate some stability and peace. Not a lot of money; just enough so bills are paid and a little left over to go away for a week or two a year. I am pretty low maintenance but I really, really need some peace of mind. I would want to be a 'couple' not for the hot romance and sex (although that sounds like a lot of fun, too) I had with current spouse but for companionship and because I sacrificed my college and career to raise his kids and run his businesses for him---because I was thinking I was enhancing my life as well as providing a stable environment for our kids and for us. <P>I "could" go back to school and get an education and eventually get a decent paying job...just in time for retirement. But, a new marriage would be more a business proposition where I would be sure to bring as many assets into the mix as what I would expect in return...no more imbalance here for this cookie. I am talented, artistic, creative and can run an office (a nice mix of right and left brain) and I am pretty, young looking, funny and smart. Any takers out there? Hmmmm. Sounds like my 'faux' divorce ain't so faux today. I must be angry.<P>Catnip =^^=

1. NO<BR>2. HELL NO !!!

very interesting, mrs. job...<P>1. even given what i know now, i would still marry my H. including the affair and all, because i know the affair was a catalyst in our relationship. it happened very early in our marriage, we were already in big trouble. it was a huge wake up call for both of us. for him realizing what he did and what he could have lost. and me to realize that our marriage wasn't going to get better magically. sounds crazy, but i am truly happy with my H, he is great. i wouldn't trade him in for anything.<P>2. i have always told my H i would become a nun if we were to divorce, if they would let me. otherwise, i would go to other countries and work as a nurse, probably through the church.<P>happy_girl

#1 No way! Never! Not in this lifetime!<P>#2 No. I've had enough of wedded bliss, thank you.

#1 Yes I would marry my H all over again. I love him very much. Although I would have done a few things different.<P>#2 That is a toughy and only God knows what the answer to that would be. I hope I never know.

#1. Most definately! I know that what happened was due to us both not being very comunicative(is that a word?), so I would make sure we fix that from day one.<P>#2. I hope I never have to live this question. I don't think that I could ever re-marry. <P>

#1. NO <P>#2. yes<P><BR>ember<P>

NO way no how to either one

LOVE everyone's replies! <P>1. YES, but I want to be his SECOND wife!! Isn't that funny?!?! He said he wishes he could have made all his "growing up mistakes"(ie getting to know himself, including affair) on someone else. We married tooo young(18), but we're sure we were meant to be together.<P>2. Maybe. DH says I'm the marrying type, and I'm sure he's right, but as gunshy as I am of men NOW~HA! <P>(PS tigger yes communicative IS a word, one DH and I learned the hard way too!)<BR>

#1...no, this pain I would never want to feel ever. Even if most of our years were happy. I just couldn't live through this pain again "if I knew"<P>#2 HMMMMMMM......maybe I'd try again....only maybe.<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi all,<P>I'll answer my own question.<P>1. Yes, I would marry him again, even if I could not change the affair. The good times we have experienced outweigh even the pain of his affair. I'll also admit I am a little ashamed of that answer as if the only self-respecting one would be "no way. not ever."<P>2. I would not remarry. I never tried life on my own and I have had to become fiercly independent to survive this marriage. I would want to try it on my own. I earn enough to have a small house, life a comfortable life and retirement, and still get to do some of the nice things in life. I would adopt and be a single mom.

My turn <P>1. If I could do it all again, I would still marry my h. I would do it without the ability to change anything HE has done, but I would require that I have the ability to change MY actions/behaviors. I am certain just by changing the way I acted as a wife during the critical time period surrounding the affair, I could have prevented anything like this from happening. In fact, I wouldn't mind going back in time to the middle of the affair. I think if I had handled the entire thing differently, oc would not have even been conceived to begin with. Looking back, I can think of many things that I did that caused the affair to continue well past when it should have ended.<P>2. If we were to divorce, I think that I would wait until my children were grown to do remarry. I don't know why, exactly. I know there are lots of step-parent/step-child relationships that do work, but I know of lots that don't, too. I think that I would concentrate on raising my boys and then when they have "left the nest" I would concentrate on me. Of course, I do have to consider the fact that I have two (count 'em, two) proposals to fall back on, should I change my mind about that. Yes, there are actually two different men who have said "If you ever get a divorce, I will be waiting." (They are both completely nuts, of course, and apparantly blind as well, haha.) And the last I hear, they are both still waiting patiently for that to happen. (Before you jump on that one, K, I should mention that I haven't talked to either of those gentlemen in many years, nor do I ever intend to speak to them.)<P>cd

1) no. <P>2) no. I am with CD on the issue of bringing other people into the lives of my children. And knowing what I do now about how little in the way of "protection" a marriage certificate afforded me... well, what would the point be? Not to say I would not have another relationship at some future point in time, but not marriage. <P>Carolyn

Hey MJ,<P> I'm flattered!! Are you proposing??!!!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

These are really tough questions.<P>I think for #1, I would have to say that even with the OW/OC, I would marry him again. I agree with Mrs. Job, my H has many wonderful things to offer and has been, in all other respects, my best friend and soul mate.<P>For question #2, I think I would marry again. Not because I feel I must be part of a couple, but because I would not be afraid to give it another try. If a man came into my life that I fell in love with, I would not hesitate to marry him. I would give him the same chance that I gave my H when we married and not assume that he would make the same mistakes.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

1. No. I married because I was pregnant. Big BIG mistake. Then when he had the A, it didn't even faze me. That or I was just taken by surprise. On the other hand when I had the A, I did a lot of emotional damage to myself. <P>2. Maybe. I don't know what the future holds. No, I don't feel like I have to be a part of a couple. I went straight from my parents home to my H's (12years). I started being on my own a year and a half ago, and after the initial fear, I have learned that I like being on my own.

Dear Mrs. Job,<P><BR> Seriously;<BR> <BR> #1. Yes, my wife gave me the best eight years of my life and my precious Linzi and Lexi!!<P> #2. I would not be looking. If it is Gods' will, it will happen whether I'm looking or not.<P> God bless you, <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Mrs.Job,<BR>1.I would probaly not marry H. H. still holds my heart in his hand, but Ive be so betrayed. Trust and friendship were just two of the things I loved about him and our relationship.<BR>2. I never wanted to marry anyone else other than H. If we divorce I would want to focus on my son, my life,the any possible additions! <BR> Good discussion!