My Mother-in-law hurting my husband! He has 2 children that live out of state. The 2 kids treat their Dad horribly and my MIL permits the children (teenagers) to treat him this way. My MIL is very selfish and will sacrifice teaching these kids the difference between right and wrong at the expense of her own son! I have worked hard to develop a peaceful relationship with my MIL but it's difficult to sit back and watch my Husband get hurt. Over the years he feels that it is pointless to address his Mother because she will do what she wants regardless. In the end, my husband hurts over not having a relationship with his kids and the kids will live without their father. What to do? I know I should stay out of it because the kids are not my business but my Husband is my business! ????

Rambi,

How does the mil have so much control over his kids? does she have custody of them??

You may consider reading the book Boundaries, or Boundaries in Marriage--it goes over some issues with in-laws..that you may find helpful...

It sounds like that may be part of the problem..
he's afraid to set boundaries with his mother
but even if she tries to overstep them..he can stand firm..

Just as with the kids..He can also set boundaries with them as well...for example--

If they call and are talking disrespectfully to him..

He should tell them--Excuse me, Do not talk to me that way, if you continue I WILL hang up the phone

If they continue --then he should hang up the phone..

If he does this enough..they will eventually get the message..if I want to talk to dad...then I need to be more respectful..

and he can do the same thing to his mother..

No it's not easy getting started...but once you do
It FEELS SO GOOD!!! It's like gaining a part of yourself back that was lost somewhere along the way...

And yes, in some cases you can say something to the kids...like if they talk badly to YOU about him--you can say.."excuse me, that is MY husband and I don't like anyone including YOU to talk about him like that, so either talk about him respectfully, or don't talk about him at all in my presence"

Hope this helps...

Sounds like your MIL and mine need to get together and have lunch sometime. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Mine loves to undemine everything that we have taught our children. She also has hated me from the beginning and never warmed up. (15 years and counting)

She tries to ask my spouse if they are truly happy with life and me! I have tried to extend the peace branch but always got nada!

The rest of the family just adores me and I just adore them. My FIL has tried and tried to no extent to show her how badly she treats me and what she says in front of our kids about me. She isnt getting the picture at all and I dont think ever will.

So I try to make the best of it and thank my lucky stars that there are other loving family members I can talk to and see during holidays!

<small>[ August 29, 2003, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: WildBlueCats ]</small>

I have one thing to say about a bad MIL. They can be worse than another woman-they never go away! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />