I just wanted to address the issue of the Bs being a partime parent to the OC. many posters have said that it wouldn't be fair to the child, they would resent the child who live with the father, ect. I have to say that my father was a parttime dad. my parents divorced before I was even born. i saw hin every other weekend, some time more sometimes less but that was the usual. I can tell you what i learned and how i felt. yes i was a little jeleous of his new kids and the fact they lived with dad but i also learned to LOVE them soooo much. i so looked forward to the weekendsI spent with my fathet. i learned that my father would always be there for me, a child who knows their father will be there when they say they are going to be learns trust. i know this is a little off subject but i get really bothered when i read posts that claim father is not a really good father unless he lives with the child. that is why i know the OC will learn to LOVE my hubby(OC father) and halfsiblings and i am sure me.

whatif,<P>I commend you on your strength and loving heart. I hope all goes well for your family.<P>My dad was less than part time. I know he loves me but he is very out of sight out of mind. He has been married 5 times and I just pray there are no surprise oc out there that is related to me, if u know what I mean. Not much contact since divorce. I was ok with it since I was a little older, but my brother seems to be very resentful. I guess every situation is different.<P>My H is also a pt dad to his 1st daughter. he is pretty good at it...now. We used to be in another state and he never saw her. We had to fight a little for his rights when we moved back here. He and her are doing good now, but we are only 10 minutes away from her.<P>Oc, on the other hand, lives almost 1000 mi away. That is not going to happen. We do not have the $ to be flying her here (which ow would never allow) or us there (which she would through a fit over). I do not think we will ever know her. Some kids do well with pt dads and some do not. But I do see how jealousy over fathers "real family" can very likely come into play. Plus possible anger when they get older bc they did not have both parents. Anger towards th BS since daddy chose them.<P>I think it all depends on the kids personality and the way everyone handles things. Good luck to you and yours.<P>Love and Prayers<P>bw

whatif, I'm sorry those posts bother you. I think every situation is different and can be measured separately. Personalities, attitudes, distance... if the parents keep fighting, run each other down, or get along... it all just depends. I bet most of us can come up with positive and negative examples on BOTH sides of this argument! <P>For my part I'm very sensitive to the dad-should-be-involved-no-matter-what argument, due to our own particulars. Each situation is different.<P>I'm sure you'll make a GREAT step-mom with a big heart and I wish your family every happiness and support in your gameplan!!!

I am sensitive to this issue, too. In your case it was obvious father conceived you in a married relationship, even if he got divorced shortly thereafter.The union of your mother and father was sanctioned by the world.If I cannot accept OC in life, then OC life will not be as yours, with regular visitation at dad's home. it will be stolen moments, and not in a home but in parks, restaurants, hidden times with each other. a d I think child over time will feel less of a person and less accounted for than if OC had a truly committed parent in life=even if it is just mother. I again think all things can happen, each one of us responds differently to different things. I just know in my case, I cannot accept OC into my life, for sure now. I can't welcome her and tell her I am happy she exists without feeling the pain for me of her existence and my h's betrayal of me. I can;t tell her it is o.k her father made a huge mistake for both of us, as did her mother. I can't risk her contact with my kids. Under these circumstances, I do not think her knowing me would be good for OC either.