have other posts for history. WH affair over 2 wks ago. We are 1 wk into "trying to work on us" as he puts it. We are still living apart. He is in the town she lives in and is a cop there. OW went back to her husband. Supposedly there is no contact between the 2 of them. It seems that he has not yet let his defenses down to me... thing is he has not reason to have them up. I have not done alot of yelling a screaming. He wants to try to become friends and see if we can become husband and wife again. I am trying a plan A. But my preacher tells me I need to let him contact me next. It hurts further when he goes a day without any contact. He does not seem to want my trust back. I have no idea where he is ect. at any time. I have so many doubts. It feels as if he is playing a big game with me. I feel that he does not want to work on us that he is just holding me here incase OW really stays with her H. I know he is in withdrawl, I know it is still foggy out. I don't know whether to continue contacting him on my own. Is he testing me or am I smothering him. Everytime I check my email and there is no message from him, everytime I check my answering machine and there is nothing from him I feel like another brick was just piled on my chest. My chest is feeling so heavy by now it is hard to cary around. I know I am lucky the affair is over. But can I trust that it is truley over. How do I trust in anything. He says I can call him at any time, he says I can come visit him anytime. But I don't feel he is being sincere. I just wish I could get a sign from him letting me know he is serious about this.

I am trying to once again make him part of my life but he is not doing the same. When we do just shoot the breeze I am the only one doing the talking. This weekend we are going to relative's wedding 7 hrs away together. That is going to be one long car ride if he won't converse back with me and he does not want to talk about "US"

I just don't know what to do from here. I am just so sick of playing the games. If I want to talk to H I don't want to agonize over it. I want to just pick up the phone and call and not worry about what he is thinking. Then after we get done talking I want to feel a peace instead of worrying should I have called him. Did I do the right thing. my H tells me the uncertainty is killing him. But he does not realize how much uncertainty he is putting me through. I am just so up and down about everything. I was getting a giggle about the fact that my book SAA should be in the mail box today. Should I take it with me to read on the way, should I get a book cover so to not make him feel uncomfortable with it. Or should I just say I am trying to help myself understand and cope... So many decisions so little time. I suggested this website. I told him that it explains the stages of affiar, why the happen how they end... his response is I have lived through and affair and 1 time is too much for me. He said I know how the begin and how they end. But yet he still loves her! OUCH!
pinch me again.

Any advice! How do we go to this wedding and just have fun as he wants to when we no longer know eachother?

So many questions.... so little answers in my mind at this time

H actually called me last night. First thing he said was I am sorry for calling you. ( is this what he really feels that I did not want to call) I guess my silence over the past 2 days was heard. I told him that I have been waiting for his phone call because I was not sure if I had been smothering him with me calling him and that I needed to know he wanted to talk to me. He did sound in the best mood I have heard him in, in the past week. I did not bring up much of relationship talk other than telling him I had a bad day due to our lack of contact. He invited me down to his new house. I brought a movie and we watched Miss Congeniality on ate ice cream. He finally actually talked to me almost like he used to. I did not want to bring up anything down as we were having a good time and the less uncomfortable on our weekend wedding trip the better. I did leave a letter at my house on the porch where he is coming to pick some stuff up today that explained that I wanted him to call me whenever he wanted and infact I would like him to. I told him how his lack of communication with me affected me the past 2 days. He said last night he felt we were becoming friends again. I asked him if he wanted our marriage back and he said some days he does and some days he doesn't. I just don't know what to think. 1 wk ago I stopped it before anything happened. But he was more than willing. We did not touch at all last night. He followed me out to my car when I left under the pretense of shutting his garage door. It was just awkward. (should I have made the attempt to hug him?) I imagine this weekend will be interesting with us sharing a hotel room. He said he would get one with 2 beds. Reguardless I bought a new pretty night gown. Just got my hair colored ect... If he does not touch me hopefully at least he will have wanted to. he he he. I am feeling much more up today than I was yesterday. Thanks for the helpful posts. But I still don't know what is crossing the line with intimacy! I guess I am just worried about getting hurt again. I am going to have to get rid of that thought I think.

Does anyone know how you know what is too far in this. At the moment he is not willing to move back in together. What is that telling me? He tells me I have had 10 wks to think about what I wanted and he screwed up and really has only had 1 or 2 wks to really think.

The line on intimacy is what you are comfortable with. If you are not enthusiastic, don't do it. If you are enthusiastic, do it.

I think that you need to work on being friends with your H for a while. Use that time to meet ENs, and back off a bit with the pressure for two weeks or so.