Was listening to her show today while working. Man called whose wife had had A and produced child. He stayed in marriage first, but then when child was age 6 he told him he wasn't biological father. She was furious he told child-said you shouldn't hurt child with this knowledge just in case he will learn of it in future-brings great damage to child.Again, I often don't agree with her, but sure agree on this one. Thought may be interested in it. Wish I had enough gumption-and an undistinguishable voice-to call and ask her opinion of contact with OC when married father fathered OC and whether contact or informing children of original marriage is a good idea-and if so, when? Anyone game?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lsb:<BR><B>Was listening to her show today while working. Man called whose wife had had A and produced child. He stayed in marriage first, but then when child was age 6 he told him he wasn't biological father. She was furious he told child-said you shouldn't hurt child with this knowledge just in case he will learn of it in future-brings great damage to child.Again, I often don't agree with her, but sure agree on this one. Thought may be interested in it. Wish I had enough gumption-and an undistinguishable voice-to call and ask her opinion of contact with OC when married father fathered OC and whether contact or informing children of original marriage is a good idea-and if so, when? Anyone game? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> I can not tell you what Dr. laura said(i refuse to listen to that women i can tell you the therapists i saw said each situation is unique and if you feel OC will NEVER be involved and if you can guarentee 100% that your kids will not find out do not tell them, otherwise tell them.<P>

we don't have children yet. someday we are planning to start a family, but we aren't ready yet. even though we have no contact with the OC, and never will, we will someday tell our children. unless OC comes looking for H, we will not tell them until they are young adults or adults. if OC tries to contact H, then we will be forced to tell them sooner.<P>happy_girl<P>lsb, i have always wondered out of curiosity what dr. laura would say. i did hear him tell a man that hadn't had an affair but recently found out of a child he had that he was unaware of. the wife called in, dr. laura told her that her H would be seeing the child every other weekend, etc. so i would imagine her stance would be to be involved. <P>i listen to her sometimes, but she irritates me badly. i do agree with some of what she says, but not everything. <P>let us know if you ever call.<P>hg<BR>

Isb,<BR>I don't know about DrL, but our counselor recommended telling our kids of the marriage when they are older (like 12+) unless there is going to be visitation/contact before then. And this is a man with 30 years experience counseling military couples, many with this problem (and his own brother did this as well!) Better to hear it from their parents than find out elsewhere.<P>

Actually, Dr. Laura has had a number of calls with the same question you have. Some are men that fathered kids before they were married and just found out, some are products of affairs. Each and every time she states that if the OW was not married and had a husband that was willing to adopt the child and be the father that the bio father should be very involved. Every other weekend visits etc.... Of course, her first choice if the woman is not married is adoption to a two parent home. BUT, in cases where the OW keeps the child and is not married her opinion is that the bio father stay involved.

I have heard her tell a wife that her husband SHOULD be attending the birth of the OC. The wife was very much against this, but Dr. L said it was important for bio-father to be there and begin bonding with OC and stay in it's life. Of course, that is HER OPINION. I do not think she has actually surveyed of studied this situation. <P>Hey.... that would be interesting wouldn't it? Follow up on a group of folks in this situation & see what happens in variable cases. Perhaps that is the "book" we have all mentioned cannot be found out there in stores. <P>Carolyn

* {edited by user}<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited May 11, 2001).]