During the "crasher crisis" I did not get an opportunity to let interested parties know how my crisis with the "almost OM" turned out.<P>You will remember that an old flame came back into my life suddenly when he transferred back from an overseas office to our Headquarters office. This man was a serious threat to my marriage and was putting a LOT of pressure on me to have an A.<P>I was tempted -- I loved the attention that he was throwing my way. And, in the back of my mind was even the thought that -- my H did it, so why not?<P>Well a number of you gave me some very good reasons why not. My marriage is in recovery, I am learning to deal with my H and I should really settle the baggage from one relationship before moving to another. And, so I sat my H down and had a talk with him about it.<P>Difficult to do? Very. But it reinforced in both of us that as long as we are honest with each other, and we keep our love in the foreground, we can accomplish great things.<P>My H sensed that the attraction was still there and that OM was pressuring me. He told me he had toyed with the idea of calling him and telling him to stay away from me. But, he felt that it was more important that I come to the right conclusion on my own. H had been hurt and afraid of what the outcome would be.<P>We talked about what could be missing at this point in our marriage that would make me even consider an A with the OM. And, we both concluded that it was not that anything is actually missing, but rather how the OW/OC had worn us down over the years. Yes, we were communicating with each other -- better than ever. And, yes, we were finally firmly grounded in reality. Our sex life is fantastic, but all of the reality around us had made us lose sight of the romantic fantasy that is a really important part of a relationship.<P>We talked about romance, for the first time since we were dating... about what turned on us, what made us feel warm and fuzzy inside, what our fantasies are ... Just sharing these things made us start to open up even more to each other's needs for romance.<P>We have decided that we would try a number of things to add some spice to our lives that would be spontaneous and romantic.<P>The "almost OM" is not looking so good anymore ...<P>love,<BR>heavenly<p>[This message has been edited by heavenlybody26 (edited May 10, 2001).]

Hey Heavenly,<P> Spoken like a true MB allumn!! You sat down and spoke to your husband about your true feelings for this guy!! God, how I wish my wife would have done that!!<BR>Good for you!!!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Yes Heavenly Bravo for you. You set an excellant exanple in this latest victory in your marriage. Check out my latest post in my thread about my mom and the oc, I answered many questions you had brought up to me recently. Peace, Gabi1116

heavenly, that is so cool I can't even tell you! Good for you guys and <P>congradulations!

way to go heavenly! i knew you would make the right decision. i am so happy that you and H could talk about it, that is so awesome. hugs for you and baby heavenly.<P>happy_girl

I am so happy tht you turned that potentially bad situation into a golden opportunity! If we could use every "bad" thing that comes our way as a tool for gaining more happines... wow.. wouldn't that be wonderful?<P>One book that helped me (for awhile) was "light His Fire" by Ellen Kreidman. She also published "Light Her Fire" for men to read. It may sound very silly, but there were some really good tips in that book. It was a good Plan A tool. I know that right now with pregnancy you may not be up to a lot of romance, but hey... for me pregnancy was about the sexist time of my life. You and your H keep finding ways to keep the romance & spark going. <P>God has blessed you. You deserve it. With love... Carolyn

Thanks for your support Gregg, Gabi and Jenny! Happy_girl, I was not always sure that I would make the right decision but I am grateful that God led me down the right path.<P>Takingcare, thanks for the tip on the book. I will be sure to get it. There are so many simple things that keep the romance going. My H and I have found the world of electronic greetings -- you can get them on yahoo, ecards.com, egreetings.com and there are some very suggestive ones on afreegreetingcard.com. We send these to each other daily and it is just such a wonderful surprise to have one pop up at work. <P>My H is not terribly good at expressing his feelings (although he is learning and is getting better), but the cards are so simple to use he opens up and out comes the most wonderful words. A simple thing that is helping to bind us together...<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Hey Heavenly,<P> You have made a good start at teaching your husband how to express his feelings! Give him time, he's a man!!!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg