I posted in another thread about a discussion I attended and how the speaker went into many definitions of spirituality, faith, etc. One he discussed was love. His definition was "the willingness to allow interruption in our lives...". This struck me as such a profound concept. A new mother "loves" a baby, but doesn't get a lot back from the newborn. Is that love? Yes... by the definition I just stated. The mother willingly allows the interruption. <P>A man and woman fall in "love". They are also willing to allow the other to interrupt their lives, share closet space, mess up the house.... if that isn't an interruption, what is? <P>So what happens when there is a break in that love? Are you finally intolerant of the interruption? Tired of all the baggage that spouse brings? What about the question that Gregg asked on "loving two people"? Does that all fit into this? <P>Guess I am into theory today. Bear with me. Carolyn

Dear Carolyn,<P>Very interesting questions. I think the common thread in your examples and numerous others I can think of is the fact that one or both of the partners "willingly" allows the interruption -- it is their choice.<P>We agree to make those accommodations for spouse and children because we are getting something out of it - some type of satisfaction. So, the break in love comes when a person is no longer willing to make those accommodations and when he or she is no longer getting any satisfaction.<P>Now, I would like to fast forward a bit to the OW/OC relationship. In my scenario we, as married couples, parent because we willingly agree to do so. In the case of an OC, there was no mutual agreement to parent. There is, instead, a basic acceptance of responsibility once the conception takes place.<P>Therefore, doesn't that mean that as long as our spouses stay with us and their original family, they have not made a real commitment to the OP to mutually parent? Unlike love which is willingness, it is mere obligation?<P>I asked my H how he feels about his OC and he told me plainly that he cares what happens to the child. He feels responsible for her existence and wants to ensure that she does not want for anything. But, he has a definite intimate feeling towards our children that he does not feel towards the OC. <P>He loves her, the way all of us love children, protect children, care for children whether they are family or friends, but he does not feel that special connection with her that he feels growing every day with our children.<P>In another post, Gabi was talking about how we allow the OC to intimidate us, when in reality, maybe we are making it more complicated than the relationship has to be.<P>Something to think about ...<P>love,<BR>heavenly