Does anyone else find mother's day to be upsetting or is it just me?<BR>It kills me to know there is another woman out there celebrating being the mother of my H's child.<P>Jtigger

Hi jtigger,<BR>Actually, I enjoy thinking about Mother's Day in respect to the ow. First of all, oc is too young to really do anything for her for mother's day. Until a child is old enough to understand the holiday, it falls upon the father to make sure the mother gets special treatment that day. And who is getting breakfast in bed? Who is getting the lovey-dovey card? Who will look into her husband's eyes and see the deep appreciation and significance of being the person who gave him the gift of his children? me, me, me...all me. Will ow EVER get ANY recognition from the father of her child on this special day? Nope! All she can hope for is that her boyfriend (the one that likes her enough to screw her but doesn't love her enough to marry her) does something nice for her - which is to me a pretty poor consolation prize. Feels pretty good any way you look at it.<P>And this year I get the unexpected bonus of knowing that ow doesn't even have custody of her child on Mother's Day. And that, because of her supreme negligence, she is facing the prospect of losing her. And I am sure there is the fear, deep down, that next year on Mother's Day, her child may be celebrating with ME.<P>-cd

CD....You Go Girl !!!

It kills me. I actually was afraid H would have sent OW a card or something to honor her mother status of his child.Since we are still struggling with contact/no contact issues, I worry he would do this. The pain of another woman carrying, bearing, and raising his child when he and I worked years through fertility treatments, multiple miscarriages, etc. to get our two kids really upsets me. I pray I do not think of her this Sunday.

Perhaps because I'm almost 3 years along and far away,I honestly did NOT even THINK of the XOW until I read this post (and kinda sorry I did). But CD has it right on the button! I'm more likely to think of (XOW/OC) on father's day, which is unfortunately a much sadder occassion to me, since he's the one with a kid out there he canot parent.

My heart goes out to you wonderful women. I want to wish you all a happy Mothers Day. Sorry for your pain.Just had to reply.

My H told me yesterday that he stopped by OW house for a few minutes (to drop off a prescription for OC that OW asked be bring by). He said he also brought a card that said "I am glad you are my mom" for OC to give to OW. OC is only 9 mths old... so she wouldn't be buying a card on her own. <P>It really just drained me. But at this point there is really not much love left for my H and I feel like I am watching someone else in a soap opera and not my own life. <P>Carolyn

I was with Jenny on this one. It hadnt even crossed my mind and I do not think I will allow it to again.<P>Happy Mommy's Day to all my wonderful friends out here!<P>Love<P>bw

Hey Carolyn,<P> I'm thinking about you, kiddo!!<BR> Do something nice for yourself on Mothers' Day, you deserve it.<P><BR> God bless you and all Moms,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Happy and Blessed Mother's Day to all of the wonderful women on this forum and to all of the wives of the men who are struggling side by side with us to deal with the OC situation.<P>Mother's Day for me is MY day to thank God for the blessings that He has given me -- my own children. So much love fills my heart and my head on Mother's Day that there is no room to think about the OC. That's my advice to everyone tomorrow. Fill your world with the sounds, sights and wonder of family until it blocks out every other sound.<P>We have women in our group who have struggled with infertility and some women who have not started their families yet. Particularly with the OC situation, tomorrow can be a difficult or painful day for them. But I hope each of you remembers that every woman, whether she has given birth or not, should be celebrated on Mother's Day. <P>We should be congratulated for making a home and having a special place in our H's heart. We have each had a special experience with a child in our family, or the child of a friend or neighbor. We all have a great capacity to love. <BR>Celebrate that love tomorrow. <P>I pray for the peace of mind of everyone tomorrow. God bless us all.<P>love,<BR>heavenly<BR>

takingcare/Carolyn,<BR>Your situation sounds soooooooooo painful. Please do something kind for yourself for your own health and sanity.<P>Heavenly, that was just beautifully said, as usual. Blessings to all J

Carolyn,<BR>It sounds to me like an intolerable situation.<P>I would have been long gone.<P>If H did not finally validate me it would be over.<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....<p>[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited May 13, 2001).]

Thank you guys for your response to my pitiful post! It really does seem like I am watching a soap opera sometime. <P>Today is a beautiful day. The house is clean, all the clothes are washed, no ball games to go to.... a really good day. <P>I am blessed with two of the sweetest boys on the face of earth. The "presents" made in their first and second grade classes. They are better than anything ever purchased in the finest jewlery store. And I think about my poor sister-in-law, who passed away almost 2 years ago. Her daughter is living with me and has no opportunity to tell her mother how much she loves her, except in prayers. <P>So if my H goes and gives cards to OC/OW or whoever... I just don't think I am going to let it dampen my spirit today... or any other day. I am so blessed in so many ways. My mother is still living. My children are healthy. And my MIL loves me more than both her sons put together! <P>It is a good day! Smiles and hugs to all you ladies and men! Love... Carolyn

Hey Carolyn,<P> Linzi and I made our own Mothers' Day cards last night. She said, " If you make a card, it has more love in it than a card you buy."<P> Kids know how to put it in perspective, don't they??<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Dear dear Carolyn,<P>Gregg is right kids do have the right perspective because what they do comes straight from their hearts.<P>But, my dear, you also have a wonderful perspective on this situation because you are not letting anyone steal your happiness. Enjoy your sons, your niece and your mom and MIL today. The card that your H dropped off for the OC cannot compare in any way to the love and warmth that you described in your last post. Believe me, the OW knows that she got the short end of the stick.<P>Have a beautiful day, wonderful lady. Brighter days are always ahead if you believe in them.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Yes, this has been a very, very hard day for me. H and I had a tough day on Friday, I have been working *tons* of overtime and I am exhausted. I drove the 3 hours to my family's (took 5 in traffic) on Friday night despite not wanting to, had a Mother's Day dinner last night with 4 generations, went to breakfast with the same crowd today, made the 3 hour drive back home and I am back in the office for 4 or 5 hours tonight and 16 hours days coming all week this week. I am glad I took 36 hours to go home and refresh my spirit. My family knows the entire story, every bit of it and still find the strength to be supportive of our attempts to work out our marriage. I can't believe how generous of heart they all are. Could be because they have all recently returned to church after years of professed agnosticism? Thank God for that prayer answered.<P>Until a month or two ago, I was sure that our adoption was going to go through and this would be my first <BR>Mother's Day as a mom. Tough, tough day.<P>It was hard to be around my sisters and my mom giving each other cards and gifts. I honestly would never have thought of giving a gift to my sister on Mother's Day, just to my mother and my grandmother. Anyway, one of my sisters slipped over next to me at breakfast and said "I know how hard this day must be on you." She gave me a present of wonderful bath products and said "This is for you just because I love you."<BR>It was so sweet.<P>The thought that my H has a child with someone else and we do not have children (however they might come into our lives) together is very hard, but I will not let it destroy me. My infertility used to mean his implied infertility and it was something we bore together. Now he is a father and I am not a mother. He says he thinks that the OC is as much mine as his and that the day will come when we have our own children. That might sound strange to many here, but it was in many ways a comfort that he wants to share his daughter with me; that he thinks that I will be important in her life.<P>Mrs. Job

I really do not see mothers day as significant to my h except in respect to his own mother, The OC has a mother and that is that has nothing to do with me or h, if my H did get a card for ow I would leave him no ifs ands or buts, Here is a little something to think about: Next month fathers day come s around, what is the ow going to tell oc when they ask where their father is, who do give a fathers day card to? Maybe that is the day the OW might realize what she has done! My OW won;t though she is really stupid, history repeats itsself in my case because her mother was an ow and she is an oc who hs never met her father!

It really is just a day on the calendar. In actuality... just like 364 others. Don't sweat it Mrs. Job. Be happy... today is a great day... if not for one reason, then for another.<P>Take care... Carolyn

Dear Mrs. Job,<P>It doesn't sound strange at all that you take comfort from your H wanting to share his daughter with you. You were willing to do a very selfless thing -- adopt children. <P>And, as I have been reminded many times on this forum lately, it is not the OC that brought the sadness to your marriage, it was the betrayal of infidelity. <P>Once you get past the betrayal, since you have a wonderfully open heart, perhaps you could be a part of the OC's life and that would bring you some pleasure. <P>Like takingcare said, enjoy this day for the dozens of other reasons - big and small -- that make this day beautiful -- health, love, family and so many others.<P>love,<BR>heavenly