My H left the store yesterday for quite a few hours, no big deal,right? Anyway ,I have been using his truck since my vehicle is being fixed. The car seat was in there ,hooked in. This morning I took the car seat out and it was unhooked. Isaid to him that I hoped that Iwasn't driving around yesterday without hooking it in.He just gave me this look.He also claims that he didn't take it out. BTW, he used the truck yesterday, just to clear that up. Also, he now claims that he saw the oc last week. He said that the ow had something to do in a nearby town ,so he saw her. Today , he also has to go off from the store for a few hours.Realize that he hasn't been leaving the store for more than an hour because all of our employees are new. Coincidentally , today is one of the days that the ow usually flys to her home country on. In the past my H sees them off at the airport. I just flat out asked him and he gave me this dumbfounded look, and said I don't know what her plans are. LIE!I guarantee he knows every move she is making with the baby. I am pissed becasue he still isn't being honest and open with me. And he acts like he can't believe I remember all of these things,airport days and such. I don't think he is seeing the ow . I am just so disgusted and disappointed that he is still with-holding info from me. I know one day , no matter how things appear between us ,that this very thing will drive me away from him.

Slow day ,today!

You are correct about the constant suspicion and what it will do to you and your marriage. I know. I was there. All the checking of stuff. Then I would give it up and trust for weeks & months, thinking that he would see how much honesty and trust meant to me. Of course, evnetually I would break down & "check" one or two of the things & places that always indicated contact... and sure enough.... there had been contact. It just kills you over and over again. <P>Here is what my counselor said. It is up to HIM to prove honesty. That is hard to do and YOU have to do a lot of trusting. YOu have to break this cycle. And the primary burden is on him. He must give you no reason to suspect anything. And if you do, you must just simply ask him do discuss, not go into accusations, suspicions and love-busters. Not easy is it? But it is a very critical point in regaining your marriage. <P>Your thoughts on this? Have you already gone down this road? Carolyn

Dear Blue,<BR>Takingcare is absolutely right. It's a concious decision you must make, however I trust "gut feelings" if you feel something is wrong.<P>Talk to your H. Tell him your fears and don't hold back. If you do it's like you lying too.<P>I know because I did it at first out of fear of him leaving.<P>Then you can't be truly honest w/each other.<P>Good luck.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I am finding this issue of suspicion extremely hard to deal with. I too am afraid of pushing H for answers because he gets angry. Then I get afraid of losing him. I feel like I'm being manipulated when he gets angry.<P>But you have to trust your gut feelings don't you, what else can you trust at this point? <P>I understand how you feel, it feels totally insane!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by blue00:<BR><B>Slow day ,today!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I am new to this site, six months ago I found out about my husband's OW and OC. I chose to stay with my husband as long as there is no contact with OW and OC. About two weeks ago I found out that my husband was having contact with this woman over the phone,he refuses to change his cellular number. I hate the lying and the withholding of info. Your husband sounds a lot like mine. My advice to you is talk to your husband, like I did, I told mine how can he expect for me to trust him if he keeps lying and betraying me.

Dear Blue,<P>I agree with the others. You must talk to your H. I know how difficult that can be - my H was a master at avoidance of the issue. He would also get angry to stop from talking about it and I would back down.<P>Finally, I sat him down in a quiet place and asked him to tell me honestly why he got mad every time I asked him questions. What he told me surprised me.<P>My H said that I always start out asking questions nicely, then I become angry and start accusing him of things. He said that I also would tell him that his explanation was never good enough, or it did not make sense. He knew that many of the things he did were just plain stupid and there were not viable explanations for them.<P>He felt that everytime we talked about the OW/OC, he was trapped into being tried again and again for the same crime.<P>When I thought about it, he was absolutely right. I would question his answers and question even his reasoning for why he did certain things. So, I changed my tactics.<P>I agreed to talk to him without anger and to accept his answers. In return he promised to tell me the truth, even though it might be painful. We've had this deal for a while now and our communication gets better and better.<P>I cannot emphasize how important I feel it is to talk to your H, but on neutral ground (some place quiet and peaceful) and without hostility and anger. I hope you and your H can find a way to open up to each other and get to the root of the discord between you.<P>You are in my prayers, Blue.<P>love,<BR>heavenly