I'm still new here and have been learning a lot. D-day three weeks ago, OW is apprx 8 weeks pregnant. H and I have had three counseling appointments. He agreed two weeks ago to no contact. I've started checking his cell phone bill and he now admits that he has tried to contact her since our agreement. What now? <P>He is not staying at home right now, he says he was lonely and wanted to hear a friendly voice. YUK!!! He wants to move back home this weekend and I know our three y/o D misses him, but now that he has broken agreement what do you do? I will try to find info on POJA.....He says that she won't talk to him, that their "frienship" is over because she doesn't want to be the "OW".<P>Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Mojo I found out 3 weeks ago that ow was in contact all along in pregnancy, not friendly, but still it was obvious he HAD talked to her somewhat when he said he hadn't.<P>I think now he was worried about how pregnancy was going,,,,,it still made me sick! I wouldn't let him home unless it STOPPED. <P>Now that it HAS she has become wild. We are seeing prosecuter Tues. on menacing charges.<P>I can still see H worried that this will spoil his chances on seeing baby. I told him so. We must do this to take away her power, if he backed out it would be OVER.<P>See, I love him but he knows I have a limit and w/o question if he lies again or doesn't face her w/me as a team it will be bye,bye,bye.<P>Not to threaten him at all....just to let him know I am serious and have had enough of her interference, ya know?<P>By all means he will communicate w/her forever when he gets visits. That does not bother me any longer. I will be the go between at times ...sometimes not. I'm not afraid any more.<P>27 years compared to 1 1/2 yrs.....guess high score won w/o trying or knowing!!!!<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Mojo,<P>I know that you must be deeply disappointed that your H broke your agreement. But, like Gemini said, there are so many emotions stirring right now in you and in him that it is difficult sometimes to focus.<P>Your H should have told you that he was trying to contact the OW. But, more than that I think you and he should be talking about why he considers her a "friendly voice". What was wrong with your voice?<P>POJAs are wonderful but they also need to be reviewed periodically to make sure that both parties' needs are being met. If you H had an emotional affair, he may be having some withdrawal symptoms. But, the important thing is he has committed to you and your daughter. He wants to be home with YOU.<P>Talk it out. Tell him how much he hurt you by reneging on his agreement. But at the same time give him a chance to explain. Then follow your instincts and your heart. But, make him understand that it is not his contact with the OW that is damaging the relationship so much as the fact that he is doing it behind your back.<P>I hope things gets better. It is all new for you still, so try to hang in there and not fall off the rollercoaster of emotions that you will be riding for awhile.<P>We're here for you when you need us.<P>love,<BR>heavenly