As you know I am new to this site, six months ago I found out about my husband's OW and OC. I am feeling so depress, still dealing with the miscarriage that I had two weeks ago, and my husband's contstant lies and withholding of information on his part. He refuses to change his cellular number, I guess he doesn't want to loose contact with OW and OC. Yesterday he receive another bill and there was contact with her almost everyday, he doesn't seem to understand how much keeps hurting me and pushing me away, by this. How can he expects me to heal, if he won't give up contact with her. Also OW mail my husband pictures of the baby which I rip in half and threw them in the garbage. I am so sick of this, he promise he won't speak to her, yeah when I am not around!. I don't even press him to change his number anymore. I am becoming so depress by this, I can't seem to stop crying, which I do almost everyday when I am alone in the house. I have basically lost interest in everything. I just wish OW & OC will disappear.

Mina<P>I am so sorry your H keeps lying to you, it hurts so deeply, starting everything all over again. Do you two go to counseling? Would he be willing? There has to be a STOP to the dishonestly or you will never heal....I am new here also and am currently dealing with my H's lying. It's like ripping the scab off a wound that has just started to heal.<P>Do you take anti-depressants? Take care...

Mina,<P>I have been in your situation too. I kept checking cell phone bills and there were 20, 30 or 40 calls a month to her. That doesn't account for when she might have called him. I think that we finally got it straightend out about 3 weeks ago, but it took us about 8 months.<P>I know how bad it hurts to be continuously lied to after finding out about the greatest deception. You think that they should be immediately ready to become reformed creatures, but that doesn't always seem to be the case. It seems it can take them months to come out of the affair fog. I think it our case that the OW is very manipulative and that she really plays on his guilt. I am sure he hears tapes playing in his head--"If you get some girl pregnant you better do the right thing by her." <P>Mrs. Job

Mina,<BR>I am sorry you are feeling down, I can just imagine how you are feeling with your H dishonesty. I dont know what I would do if my H was still involved. I say I know, but we truly do not until we are faced with this. I always thought I would be out the door if my H even cheated, well not only did he cheat, but my children have a 1/2 sister...and I am still here. Mina you HAVE to take care of YOU!!!....your H seems to be taking care of him, do what you feel is right for you and your children ..I have not been in the marriagebuilders "program" so I dont have a clear understanding of the plans (A&B), My H and I have managed to be together on everything so far..but then again the Affair was 3 weeks in length...and my "super sperm" H managed to inpregnate OW. And I think the lack of involvement makes a big difference. Dont sit at home and just be depressed ..I was at first, thought I could not make it another day...I was becoming someone I did not know...I did not want to lose myself in all this mess..I liked ME..and so did alot of other people...I somehow took back my life...I just started getting busy ( like I was before) I would not sit at home and be depressed ( and I am telling you that was so hard to do...just to get dressed in the morning...heck I was lucky if I got dressed at all) I woke up one day..and I realized that by doing this I was giving ALL the power to that BIMBO who wants MY LIFE...she wants to be ME...she even told my H that...so I said you want to be ME...OK you can be...the way I have been since Dday...I refused to allow her to control my life any longer...the only control she had was the control I gave her...and Damn HER ...I almost lost me in all this crap...and that made me so mad...so I got angry, and TOOK my life back...you need to take your life back...it is really hard Mina...it really is...but do it...take the control back...your control....your H is responsible for his actions...not you...he is responsible for his dishonesty...if he likes the person he has become in all this...that is too bad...that was the one thing My H said to me..is he did not like him anymore because of his dishonesty to us...and that is his struggle now..your H is not there yet...you cant MAKE him do anything he does not want to do...BUT you can take care of MINA...and to heck with that OW and her OC...dont let her get the power...because the way I looked at it...was everyday I sat at home and cried was a day she wins...If your H see's his wife come back...I am sure he will start to come around...I am no therapist But it worked for me just to take care of me...and trust me I have my moments....sometimes I stand in public and wonder if anyone can tell...do I look different now...it is weird how you feel...anyway I just wanted you to know I do understand...and to take care of YOU...sorry for being long winded...

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mrs. Job:<BR><B>Mina,<P>I have been in your situation too. I kept checking cell phone bills and there were 20, 30 or 40 calls a month to her. That doesn't account for when she might have called him. I think that we finally got it straightend out about 3 weeks ago, but it took us about 8 months.<P>I know how bad it hurts to be continuously lied to after finding out about the greatest deception. You think that they should be immediately ready to become reformed creatures, but that doesn't always seem to be the case. It seems it can take them months to come out of the affair fog. I think it our case that the OW is very manipulative and that she really plays on his guilt. I am sure he hears tapes playing in his head--"If you get some girl pregnant you better do the right thing by her." <P>Mrs. Job</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thank you ladies for responding to my post. I am not taking antidepressants. My husband and I are not in counseling, can't afford it at this present moment. This ow is very manipulative I have seen her twice, both time in court. The first time I met her in court she try to provoke with nasty comments, which I did not paid attention. She tries to play with my husband's head by leaving messages of the baby crying, or will call in the middle of the night telling my husband that the baby is in the hospital sick, when he's at home. I am just tired from all this.

Mina:<P>I wish she would just disappear, too. What a hag. To lie about the kid being in the hospital is sick and evil. How about filing a complaint and getting a restraining order so she cannot call your house anymore.<P>lsb is going through a difficult time right now too, and K suggested she go into Plan B. Since you are new here, take a couple hours to read everything from Dr. Harley on this site so you will gain a better understanding of what you must do to stop this insanity in your life. If you are crying all the time and depressed and not trusting your husband, perhaps it is time for him to see what life is like without you and perhaps it may salvage what love you have left for him.<P>I am so sorry to see you in so much pain. So many of us, if not all of us, have been where you are now and have had months or years of support from the others here on this site with remarkable results. They can and will help you through this.<P>Do you have any children together? Your miscarraige is a devastating blow that takes a very long time to recover from as it is. With the added burden of your husband's lies and the OW contact, you will not be able to shake this depression anytime soon unless you take it upon yourself to make some changes in your life.<P>Study the Harley principles/rules and learn what you must do to change your life around. In the meantime, you've come to the right place and we are here for you, Mina. Post often, get to know the others and read our stories. You will find similar situations where you will gain insight.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited May 17, 2001).]

Im so sorry for your pain. Let me ask you something. Do you want to remain in your marriage? How long are you willing to allow H to not respond to your pleas? Im only asking because my pain is also new and I personally would have left if H continued to lie to me. I agree you need to express you hurt with H and ask him if he wants to remain in marriage. If he does, you two need to talk. About your marriage and your feelings. Taking makes a world of difference! I'm sure I ve responded to one of your post, so If I have you've heard this already. You need to find your own happiness before anyone else can contribute to your happiness. In other word what do you enjoy? Do you dance or play and instrument? Is there anything you want to do or dreamed of doing? Please make yourself happy. I feel your pain and all i can say is ill pray for you. Please please take care. Keep us posted!