Hi all,<BR>We just now got home from mediation - it took hours plus 3 hours each way driving time. Thanks for all of your prayers and for thinking of me/us today! Quick summary:<P>We had some positive and some negative results. First of all, I did not get to go into mediation. it was for "mom and dad" only - mediator's words (puke). Good news is that ow came apart at the seams. She yelled and screamed and bawled like a baby. H kept his cool the entire time. Mediator came down HARD on ow for her behaviors, past and present. Told her she was a child abuser for leaving oc alone. Told her she had no choice but to allow h in child's life. Told her that ow HAD to tell oc who her father is because her boyfriend will NEVER be oc's "daddy".<P>Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the waiting room by myself with ow's mom, sister, boyfriend and oc. Very awkward. so I start chatting as if they are my best friends in the world. (My happy too-dumb-to-know-any-better act) So they had no choice but to talk to me, haha. Talked about the weather, raising kids, etc. etc. After a while, oc begins talking to me instead of her aunt - if looks could kill, I'd be dead the way poor ol auntie was glaring at me.<P>Mediator decides (because ow keeps arguing with him) that he will draw up a proposal to begin introducing h and me into oc's life. Tells ow and h that they do not have to sign it if they don't like it. He goes to write up the papers and ow comes out and asks sister for a cigarette. I graciously offer her one of mine and she goes off to smoke. Mediator comes back 2 minutes later looking for her and is highly pi$$ed that he can't find her. I do my best to look innocent and slightly bewildered as he complains about her not being there. <P>Mediator finally comes back with papers. H calls our lawyer, who talks to mediator. Then ow decides she must call her lawyer too. Judge walks in, gets ticked off that ow is having a fit over h being in oc's life, decides to make the temporary shared custody proposal an actual court order and says that if anybody has a problem with that they can appeal.<P>Ow starts crying in the hallway. She and boyfriend get in a loud argument, and mom and sis join in. Catastrophe all the way around for them. They looked and sounded like poor white trash. Ow is around 25 years old but looked terrible - like an EXTREMELY badly aging 40 year old. Her face was flaccid and haggard and her hair was stringy and looked like crap. She looked like one of those ugly prostitutes that they are always picking up on "Cops", you know the ones that are old before their time and looking strung out on crack.<P>Anyway, terms of initial order. H and ow will share equally legal custody of oc. Grandmother is to remain the physical custodian pending the C&Y investigation/hearing results. We will begin with 2 months of supervised 2 hour visits with oc at grandmother's house, to take place every other Sunday, starting this coming Sunday. All visits are to include both me and h. Then 2 months of unsupervised 4 hour visits. Then (get this!!!) for 2 months, ow has to drive oc to our house (3 hours away) drop off oc for an all day visit, and hang around town until the visit is over, then pick her up and drive her home again. Ow asked, "What am I supposed to do all that time while they have her?" Mediator said, "I guess you can find a diner to sit in or something." After that, we go to weekend visits and then after that we will renegotiate to see where we go from there. <P>Meanwhile, ow cannot have ANY unsupervised time with oc at all. Any visit with ow and oc has to be under the supervision of the grandmother. WE will actually have unsupervised time before she does, by the looks of it.<P>We are a little unhappy that nothing is in place yet that leads to actual JOINT custody, but this is what the judge ordered, and at least it gets our foot in the door in a really big way. We are still going to have our lawyer review it so that he can decide whether or not he thinks it would be worth appealing, or whether he thinks we should go with that for now.<P>You know what - mediator left the conference room at one point and h and ow were sitting alone with each other for about 15 minutes. And I didn't freak out about it. And I wasn't scared. I wasn't nervous about it. I KNEW it was ok. SHE IS NO LONGER A THREAT!!! Do you believe that? Helped, of course, that she was pathetic and butt ugly. But, you know, it wouldn't have mattered even if she didn't look like such a wreck. I am no longer afraid of her being in my life. In fact, I can't wait for her to bring oc on up to my house and see my happy family. <P>The mediator didn't even let her go into me and h being "separated". Ow tried to bring it up and mediator said it wasn't relevant. H explained to ow, briefly, that he lived in a separate area of the same house and that we continue to provide our children with a stable two parent environment. When ow tried to argue about it, mediator went into Judge Judy mode and told her "Enough! He does NOT have to explain his life to you!"<P>Sorry if that all was rambling and incoherent. It has been a really long day. Let me know if I need to clarify anything. I'll update later on what lawyer says after he reads the order.<P>Thanks again for the prayers and support!<BR>with love,<BR>cd

It's truly a beautiful thing, Donna.<P>I love it when the offender suffers the consequences of their own crimes without you ever having to retaliate in any way...God does serve justice His way and in His own time.<P>Don't you hate it when they act like hillbillies?<P>I know you will be loving and kind to your stepdaughter and show her the warmth and stability she needs and probably craves. You may be the one perosn on this planet who will make a profound difference in this child's life. Because of your influence, she may end up to be much, much more than she would have been with that negligent tramp raising her and probably putting some guy first (whoever scratches her itch) at the child's expense. <P>God bless you and yours, Donna. I am so thrilled.<P>Now, take a hot bath and soak the miles away and take care of that car-lag.<P>Catnip =^^-<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited May 16, 2001).]

All I can say is SWEET! What a slap in her face. That's one for all of us ,CD! Good job! God is good!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I KNEW it was ok. SHE IS NO LONGER A THREAT!!! Do you believe that? Helped, of course, that she was pathetic and butt ugly. But, you know, it wouldn't have mattered even if she didn't look like such a wreck. I am no longer afraid of her being in my life. In fact, I can't wait for her to bring oc on up to my house and see my happy family<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Isn't life sweet again Donna? heh...heh...heh.... What a cool woman you are. I'm having a smoke to celebrate your victory now.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

If I have said it once I have said a ton of times....YOU are that childs only hope...I am so happy for you and your family. I am so glad the judge came down her...she is wacked out..she probably is one of those street hookers that picks up on cops (sorry.. Bad me)I think your news is just wonderful...and I will continue to pray that this all resolves quickly. You are so right about the control these OW have over us...because we GIVE it to them..it is great when we take it back...I already told you My H's OW is dog chow...totally white trash....and speaking of white trash..it appears she DID take the baby in today for the test..she refuse to do it..but our lawyer said it just costs us a couple of hundred more..and they can still do DNA w/ baby and H...so now we wait...she demanded her check...so tomorrow we send her off her check...I wanted H to wait till the results come back (heck she has baby food and diapers..I already bought that for her) that way we dont give her another dime till we know for sure...I hate the wait...anyway...congrats on your news cant wait to here how Sunday goes...Hugs...My Cross

Way to go CD!!!!<P>I was so happy to read the results of your mediation! I know that you didn't get everything that you were hoping for, but like you said, you now have you foot in the door, big time!! At least the judge saw how this "woman" acts, and "Judge Judy'd" her! We'll keep the prayers up for you and H to obtain physical custody. I think it is cool that OC stopped talking to "auntie" and talked to you instead.<P>Congratulations!!!<P>Love,<P>Tigger

CD, I think this is all great. I am jealous. My h and I are so far from this. We have to fight with the ow for every hour we have. I am really happy for you. And I now the exact feeling you are talking about, in court, finally feeling she is not a threat. It is almost as if you gain a enpowering feeling. I felt, and still so feel it. I am really happy for you and your family. Peace, Gabi1116

CD,<P>I'm so happy for you!!! You handled it with strength and class! And your H sees the XOW for her true colors (gee, he wonders, what the heck did I see in her!), and you see that she no threat to you! YEAH! Furthermore, you and your H will be the best thing that's ever happened to this little girl. She needs the stability and sanity that you can provide. On that note, I'm jealous too. <P>It's going slowly to give everyone time to adjust... but funny to me that they can ASSUME grandma is the best choice for OC for now (since she raised XOW, I wonder what sort of parenting she provides). But no matter... it'll work out eventually and you'll be a great step-mom! Good job, CD! I love happy endings

Wow, what a day!<P>My hat's off to you and H for the tremendous style<BR>you have shown in the face of such bulls**t.<P>I hope all the legalities smooth themselves out and<BR>the little girl can start enjoying a stable, loving<BR>home with two wonderful parents (not to mention all<BR>those Boys!)<P>So glad to hear how you feel about the ow.<BR>Your description fits the op in our lives to a T.<BR>White trash. My h likes watching Cops but it bothers<BR>me anymore. Especially the parts about the prostitutes<BR>and the johns getting picked up. I always think about<BR>if there are wives at home seeing their H on tv...<P>It's simply amazing how nice you can be to these people.<BR>I need to take that lesson from you. I have a major chip<BR>on my shoulder and find it very hard to be nice anymore.<P>Well, congratulations Donna. Rest up today!!!

This is such a true testamony to what love and patience can accomplish. The fact that you and H are doing this together is the sweetest thing in the world. Bonding into one as you take care of intrusions on your family. That is the way it is supposed to be. The poor child will benefit so much from knowing you. <P>On another note, when I contacted mediator (months ago) for my H, the mediator also told me that I could not be there. Then after H and OW had their session, mediator asked for me and H to come in. Ended up that mediator thought I was the most sane person in the whole group after it was all over. But it really did irritate me that only the "parents" were allowed to meet in first session. As if I did not exist, which was what OW sure wanted. <P>I know all this next few months will be stressful as you "stretch" yourselves thin doing visits at grandmothers and juggling your own family too. But I am sure you guys will be fine. Take care & congratulations! Carolyn

c.d.<BR>Good for you guys isnt it sweet! I bet ow isnt having to good of a time about now. Ha Ha Ha I can just hear her now. with love flowerseed

Don't follow your posts too closely but that's excellent news. It just seems to me that if the childs own mother has to be supervised by the Grandmother that if you wanted too you could get full physical custody some day soon. I would think a Judge would rather the father have his child then the Grandmother. With you, the child would be raised in a two parent home. I'm glad to hear that you've reached the point of not feeling threatened by the OW in regards to your husband. I can't help but feel that with an attitude like that your marriage will only become stronger. If you go through life feeling jealous and angry it chips at your marriage without your even realizing it and I don't think a marriage like that will ever make it. You and your husband know what is going on between the two of you and when those feelings are good nobody can come between that. I've had people ask me before if I ever get jealous of my husband's ex wife. Absolutely not. It's not because she's a "yuck" like your OW is either. She isn't at all. But, I know what kind of bond/relationship my husband and I have and just how much he loves me. I have a feeling for you though that you'll have rough roads ahead of you. If she's unwilling (and she is) to co-parent with you and she wants to cause problems she'll put some strain on your marriage. I deal with that in regards to my ex and his girlfriend. They just never let up. You just need to focus on you and your family though and after awhile it bothers you less and less. I also think that when it doesn't bother you it takes the fun away from them. Best of luck to you!

Dear cd,<P> Hey Diz!! Ain't it sweet!! I'm gonna have to start callin' you the " Ice Woman"!! I could never have been that cool! Killin' em with kindness!!<P><BR> You dawg!!<P> God bless you, <P>------------------<BR>Gregg

I started reading on this part of the forum when you had all those problems - I've changed my name, I was new_beginning then... but anyway...<P>This is excellent news... and my gosh woman, you can WRITE. Very entertaining, very heartfelt, very wonderful... I laughed, I cried... you did really, really well - especially out in the hallway. <P>Grace under fire.<P> <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Hey CD,<P>I agree with nyneve about the laughing and crying part! She makes it sound like a review of a movie or a play. If that was the case, you should receive the Oscar or Tony for the best leading actress!!!! Let's hear your acceptance speech! <P>Love,<P>Tigger<P>PS, I don't mean for this to sound like you were acting! I can just imagine what it took for you in that room and stuff!

Had to comment - Great news CD!<P> CD

Yeah!!!!! I've been away for a couple of days. But what great news to come back too. <P>Jeez Donna, you are an inspiration to all of us. The way you keep your cool under pressure and how you and your husband are the rock solid united front. What a beautiful thing.<P>You made me happy today.<P>congratulations ... and there's more good things coming your way ... why ... because you deserve it!<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

CD,<BR> You are good girl...I mean good! Cool like a Cucumber. I could see it all. Congrats!<P>And Fluke! I think you are VERY nice!<P>Love<P>bw