Hi everyone. I am Lyndsay (19y/o) married to Darryl (26). we have 3 kids. Rhesa (pronounced like Lisa but with an R) who just turned 2, Gavin (8months) and my angel,Riley (miscarried 11 May 03) My dh is in the Air Force and we are stationed in Italy. We have been married since July 6th, 2001. Yes I was 17.

Everything has been going downhill. I'll admit that it has gotten worse after my miscarriage, big part of that is because I am depressed. My baby died, he doesnt seem to get that. I told him I wanted to leave a couple of days ago and I think it finally sunk in his brain that we need to do something to work on our marriage. He wont go to counselling. I already asked him, and he told me no. We fight about everything. I dont have anything that is private. He reads my journal and gets mad, he reads my emails and gets mad. if i delete something from the computer (it can be a picture that didnt turn out right) he wants to know what i am hiding. Major Major trust issues. I made a mistake and kissed a guy, and he found out (the guy emailed him, before i could tell him), so I understand him not trusting me, but I think it is getting to be him controlling me now. He told me the other day, he always brings the kiss up when we fight bc its his way of "controlling the situation" i told him that he basically said that's his way of controlling me and he said yeah. I dont know what to do anymore. I really want our marriage to work. He is my bestfriend.

Sorry this got so long, i just wanted to introduce myself.

Thanks for reading and if you have any advice. TIA.

Your husband's trust in you as his wife has been bruised after learning that you kissed another guy. This sounds fairly normal. You haven't been married that long and he is afraid that it may happen again.
You could try a differant approach here. How about telling him that you realize you broke his trust and you understand why he is behaving this way and you will work to regain his trust.
He probobly resents you making him the bad guy when you betrayed him and he found out from someone else. Trust? These are your consequences right now-accept responsibility for what you did and in time, without this kind of behavior, he will not be questioning your faithfulness.
Be glad he cares and doesn't want to lose you. I know that it's hard right now and he may not be very nice right now, but give it time.

I am accepting the consequences and my responsibilities of what I did. I never said I didnt. I know he does not trust me and I know I have to work on gainning it back. I never meant to imply that he was the bad guy or whatever. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You could try a differant approach here. How about telling him that you realize you broke his trust and you understand why he is behaving this way and you will work to regain his trust.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am doing this. I am not running from that. He has admitted that he is trying to control me, and i'm sorry to me that is not right, no matter what i did.
HOwever thanks for the reply. and welcome.

lynd...i feel for you being overseas. i was stationed in europe for three years. i got back to the states about a year ago. i have to be honest with you...your husband sounds like he is trying to cover up his own guilt.
do you have any reason to believe he may be cheating on you?
about me...age 29...married 6...trying to stop myself from craving other women. haven't cheated yet. W has serious issues with sex drive (probably due to my actons).i love my wife and kids. i WANT my wife but she doesn't seem to want me anymore.

As of right now, I have no proof that he is cheating on me, but there is a girl (me and her are supposed to be friends) that he works with that calls MY cell phone to talk to HIM. She calls the house and talks to HIM, HE has called her while I was sleeping and talked to her for 2 hour and conviently forgot to tell me that he called her. If we are a get together for work or if we have a BBQ, he invites her and she practically super glues herself to him, and him to her, and when I walk in the room, they shut up and say they were talking about "work". He has expressed to me many times, they would like to have a 3sum with her. More on his part than mine. I'm at the point, where I dont talk to her, and when she calls my cell, I dont answer. I always answer my house phone, as I never know who is calling. But he has never done anything to make me not trust him (i just have suspicions..cant spell sorry) so of course, I believe him. Other than my suspicions and a little bit of a gut feeling, I dont have anything. Thanks for replying, and I hope you can work out your problems with your W.