Does anyone know what the laws are in Texas concerning child support? We will be moving soon and I keep on hoping that they go to court before we move so that we can leave some of this crap behind us. I also don't want OW to get more than she deserves.<P>I decided to speak with OW. She overembellished many things and added to what had happened. She told me that my husband told her he didn't love me, and he didn't know why the?!*! he married me. Then afterward, she went to his workplace to appoligize for breaking up his marriage. She has gone back to his workplace to flaunt the child and tell them that it is his. Meanwhile they've never even met our beautiful baby boy. I feel like if she wants to indirectly torment me so that I leave him. He hasn't had contact with her or OC since she pulled that act when I met her. He's working hard on being a better husband, making our marriage work, and tryoing to make up for his mistakes.<P>I have a lot more to say, but my baby is sleepy and needs my attention right now. I need to go. Any help or thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you.<P><p>[This message has been edited by IVC (edited May 17, 2001).]

Dear IVC,<P>I am sorry that yet another woman has found the need to find support for this situation, but welcome you into our sad little club. I am not in your exact situation, I was the one who had the affair and became pregnant. We, my H and I, are raising the baby as ours, and OM doesn't even know of the child or that I was even pregnant. Hopefully some of the other women here will arrive soon, and also Bystander. He isn't in the legal field, but does a lot of research on this matter, and could point you in the right direction for finding out the info you are looking for.<P>Have either you or your H looked into the Harley's policies for repairing a marriage? If not, I highly recommend looking at the books that are offered on this website. They are all very helpful! Also, if you aren't already, you should consider counseling.<P>Again, welcome, and hopefully someone who can help a little better will be along soon.<P>Tigger

<BR>Here's a link to TX standard possession order: <A HREF="http://www.raggiolaw.com/stanposs.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.raggiolaw.com/stanposs.html</A> <P>~Amy

IVC,<BR>Welcome to our sad but supportive club! I'm sorry you have to be here. You sound pretty composed so I'm thinking you've had some time to deal with this but I'm sorry for your pain and that it has taken away from your own baby's birth (been there done that--OC was born same month as my child). Your XOW sounds like so many of ours: nutcases with no class.<P>I don't know anything about TX or SC laws, but people often pop in a link to them for your convenience. If not, you should be able to find the ch-support laws for TX in an internet search. I hope you find what you are looking for!<P>Best wishes and look forward to hearing from you again,<BR>J (2 and half years in recovery--yea! )

<BR>I hope these will help. The first is more specific than the previous raggiolaw url and the second is the attorney general's office which handles child support matters here in tx.<P> <A HREF="http://www.raggiolaw.com/txart02.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.raggiolaw.com/txart02.html</A> <P> <A HREF="http://www.oag.state.tx.us/child/mainchil.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.oag.state.tx.us/child/mainchil.htm</A>

Dear Jenny<P>My H told me this feb. a little over a week and half after the OC had been born. THe OC was born on my birthday. He had the affair when I was 3 mo. pregnant. He was drunk, seriously depressed and didn't care about anything. He says he didn't think about the consequences of what actually happened. SHe was easy and hit on him. I've gone through periods of serious depression, but then my rational self tells me to snap out of it if not for myself, then for my son or to not give her the satisfaction. My husband didn't want to tell me when I was pregnant because he didn't want me to be upset. He was correct because after he told me, I hardly ate for a month afterward. I was REALLY down. <P>It really lightens my heart to hear that you are still together after 2 1/2 years. God is wonderful when he helps us help ourselves. Your comment gave me hope. My husband has been working hard to make things better, but sometimes, I can't help but get sad, depressed. <P>I do want to move on, but I keep on waiting for more bad things to happen, or for I don't know what. In my heart and deep in my subconscious, I believe/know that my husband won't let me down again (especially since he has mentioned how disgusted he is with what happened) but then a small part of me won't let me believe. I go through good days and bad. Sometimes, I just need to hear words of encouragement or reassurance. Isn't it sad when the only one that can help make us feel better is the one who caused us the pain in the first place. I hope you get to read this and can let me know if there is a light at the end of this long, dark, dismal tunnel. By the by, I do have some good days to. THank you for responding.<p>[This message has been edited by IVC (edited May 17, 2001).]

IVC, I just want to welcome you and let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel as you asked in your last post. I am sorry to have to welcome you here, but I want you to know that you will find a great deal of comfort, support and advice in this forum. There are wonderful men and women here. You should take some time, if you can, and read some of the history of other members. This way you will see for yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The bad days do get less, and the good days do outweigh them, in time. I have known about oc for three years,my h and I are still together and living a happy and healthy life with our two children, and after one year of deciding and close to two years of legal BS have began to introduce oc into our home and lives. So I do feel that I am just in saying that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to want to reach it and you and your H have to work at reaching it. You do sound like you have it together, and that is a great beginning. I wish you well, peace and happiness, I know you will find help here, I have. Gabi1116

IVC,<BR>I'm impressed! You sound really mature about it for having just learned of it in recent months--and on your Bday too--UGH!! May I ask how old your baby is? <P>Yes, there is a light at the end of that awful tunnel! The OC draws out the recovery process some and causes us recoverers to have an occassional bad day later, too (unlike those who don't have an OC to remind them of affair), but recovery IS possible, and you should get some great support on our board. I wrote a post for newbies that I will bring back up to the top, and you can find a link to great posts at the Just Found Out Board, about great books, success stories after affairs, etc.<P>I look forward to hearing more of your story and offering our support.<P>Hang in there Lady! I know it feels AWFUL, but at this early date, you're doing GREAT!!<BR>Jenny<BR>remember--check out "recovery tips for newbies" (or whatever I called it!)

Jenny<P>Our beautiful son that gives us strength and support will be 6 months old next week. Thanks for your reply. I will talk more later, but once again its the little one's nap time <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jenny:<BR><B>IVC,<BR>I'm impressed! You sound really mature about it for having just learned of it in recent months--and on your Bday too--UGH!! May I ask how old your baby is? <P>Yes, there is a light at the end of that awful tunnel! The OC draws out the recovery process some and causes us recoverers to have an occassional bad day later, too (unlike those who don't have an OC to remind them of affair), but recovery IS possible, and you should get some great support on our board. I wrote a post for newbies that I will bring back up to the top, and you can find a link to great posts at the Just Found Out Board, about great books, success stories after affairs, etc.<P>I look forward to hearing more of your story and offering our support.<P>Hang in there Lady! I know it feels AWFUL, but at this early date, you're doing GREAT!!<BR>Jenny<BR>remember--check out "recovery tips for newbies" (or whatever I called it!) </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

IVC,<P>Just trying to help you out with all our stories and situations. I brought up some of the posts that have that info on them. Hope it helps.<P>Tigger

IVC,<BR>Sorry you had to join this group but you will find its the best place to be right now. I was reading in your other post and wondering did you guys have dna test done on the baby? That is what we did as far as going to the courts office and signed a agreement to the child support but only after it was proven by dna. We dont have any contact with ow or oc and as far as I can see thats how it will remain. We are 2yrs now into recovery oc is a boy and 19 months old now. with love flowerseed

Dear IVC,<P>I am so sorry you are in this situation to begin with, but to agree with Gabi...yes, honey there is definately a light and it shines like a beacon in the night! A little over 2 yrs in recovery...that is me!<BR>About the laws in the Great State..hehe..thats where I am...where are you moving to? It all depends on where all the parties are. If I had my choice (ow is in AZ) and we had cs through the courts I would rather be here in Texas. Here it is a % of H's income. My H has a daughter from divorce and we pay 225 for her. Plus medical. The % is somewhere between 20-22% I believe. That is of your net pay (after taxes).<BR>Where are you coming from? Where is ow/oc? What has been done so far?<BR>Sorry..I do not have much time today, but know my prayers are with you.<BR>Love<BR>broken_wings

I posted my story on "where are we all at". When he 1st told me, I insisted that my husband have the DNA test done so that she wouldn't have that to hold over his head in the future. He did it the week after we got back into town. She procrastinated on this. I guess to drag it out and make me feel more miserable. SHe finally went to do it. When we got the results, my husband was on call at work, and told me to open the letter at home to see. The results were 99 % positive. I was devastated. It was as if my heart had been ripped out, shredded to pieces, then stuck back in so that I could try to function normally (AGAIN). I lost what little hope I had. My one consolation on that desolate day was that she looked like CRAP in the picture that was on the papers !!!!!!!!<P>Thank you to everyone for reposting or directing me, but I don't quite know how to get to what has been reposted.).<P>I've got to go. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by broken_wings:<BR><B>Dear IVC,<P>I am so sorry you are in this situation to begin with, but to agree with Gabi...yes, honey there is definately a light and it shines like a beacon in the night! A little over 2 yrs in recovery...that is me!<BR>About the laws in the Great State..hehe..thats where I am...where are you moving to? It all depends on where all the parties are. If I had my choice (ow is in AZ) and we had cs through the courts I would rather be here in Texas. Here it is a % of H's income. My H has a daughter from divorce and we pay 225 for her. Plus medical. The % is somewhere between 20-22% I believe. That is of your net pay (after taxes).<BR>Where are you coming from? Where is ow/oc? What has been done so far?<BR>Sorry..I do not have much time today, but know my prayers are with you.<BR>Love<BR>broken_wings</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

IVC<P>It's unfortunate that children are the ones that suffer the pain of their parent's mistakes. The information from the web sites regarding child support tell you how the laws are supposed to work. This is what actually happens.<P>Most courts in Texas don't enforce child support, not because they don't care, but because the backlog is tremendous, so more often than not it's left up entirely to the parent(s) of the child. Then again it also depends on the company you work for. For instance if you work for the State of Texas and the admin offices know that you are supposed to be paying child support (legal proof), they can and will dock your pay before you get the check, so to speak because Texas state agencies pay by direct deposit now. Some private companies are going the same route.<P>If your H and the OW signed an agreement for non-child support don't expect it to hold. She can go to court in Texas and request child support at any time and it will be granted. Notice I said granted, not collected.<P>It is 20% for one child, but that can be reduced if H has a child from another relationship to support, so you having a child will help reduce the amount your H would have to pay.<P>Sorry I'm not more helpful, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head for now.<P>Good luck.<BR>