After 13 years of marriage and two children, there seems to be no hope. For 13 years, MIL has done everything to interfere. She changed the surgeon that performed my C Section (she was their office manager at the time and they assumed the change was at my request) because she wanted the same surgeon that had delivered her sons. I did not realize the other surgeon (who was old and in ill health at the time) was going to be there until after I was already prepped for the surgery. Since it was an emergency C section, we could not wait for my surgeon.

Our son had a complication called wet lung and my son was in Ped ICU for an entire day before I was even told. H told me everything was ok, because MIL told him I did not need to know there was a complication. When I finally called the nursery from my room that afternoon to find out why they were not bringing my son in to nurse...the pediatrician told me the worst seemed to be over and it looked everything was going to be ok. I asked him what he was talking about and that is when I learned my son was still in Ped ICU and the problems that had occurred.

That was just the beginning of 13 years of lies and worse. H is totally spineless. Won't even admit MIL has a problem. He is the oldest son of two. MIL treats the other DIL the same way. But they depend on her for money, so they let her. I have worked very hard for 13 years to protect myself and still be repsectful towards her.

I brought H's grandmother (MIL's MOTHER) into our home and took care of her for 3 months. She was dying from cancer (took her to treatments every day) even though I had two children in elementary school at that time....all so that MIL would not have to cancel a 30 day vacation to Europe.

We have never taken money from her. And she resents she could not buy me the way she did the other DIL.

After multiple incidents that put the lifes of our kids at risk (no seatbelt in car etc), I told her she had to follow our rules with the kids. When she announced that if she was babysitting our children, then she would do what she wanted to...I announced..."then you won't babysit our kids". And she never has.
I have put up with my MIL so that my kids had their grandparents....while making sure they were safe.

But alas to no avail. MIL finally went totally over the line and I have decided...I will not try anymore...if H isn't willing to do his part.

While we were out of town, MIL came into my home and completely rearranged the furniture. Removed furniture, removed pictures from the wall, added pictures to the wall, went through my personal things and moved everything in every room...etc. All without my knowledge or permission. She knows I can not stand her tastes. (because she has none) She knew I did not even allow people to unload my dishwasher, because I like everything where I want it in my home. She set out with the intentions to hurt me. Plain and simple. Her motive was clear. MIL has worked very hard these past years to alienate other DIL. She wants to alienate me. MIL doesn't want to see or speak to either DIL...she only wants to visit with sons and grandkids.

This was a year ago and I have refused to see or speak to her since. H still talks to her on the phone once a month (instead of every week) but she has not seen him or our kids in a year. As you can well imagine, H wants all to be forgotten so things can get "back to normal"...but I have said NO WAY...NOT THIS TIME. This past year has been fight after fight between us, because I refuse to allow it any more. Now MIL is telling us it is time to "get over it". She claims she did nothing wrong. Either H gets a backbone, sets the boundaries and makes sure they keep them or he suffers the consequences. His mother is 65 so she is not changing any time soon. His father is 70 and totally dominated by this woman, so he is no help. I have told my husband that if at the age of 43, he can not protect his wife and family from MIL, then we just won't see them anymore.

Sorry to be so long, but I have never told anyone this story. H refuses to allow me to share with anyone we know, because he is such a private person. We have watched secular counseling shows and H agrees everything is his fault...but refused to correct it.

Any suggestions are appreciated...but thanks the most for just listening.

You need to Plan B your MIL. Do not go near her until your H talks to her about her behavior and tells her that she has to respect you.

You need to talk to your H about this, "I do not particularly care for your mother, but I treat her with respect because she is your mother. I expect to be treated respectfully in return. I want you to talk to her about this. I will no longer be around your mother, and she is not welcome in my home, until I am assured of being treated respectfully."

Why does your MIL have a key to your house? This needs rectified, as well. Keys to your home are given to people you can TRUST.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>