Read your post on General Questions, Myneve told me I might find you here. Help please. A PI for a truth detector sounds like the only sanity I may ever have. Does it really work? How and where do I go to have this done? Was your H in agreement to doing this?

Hi K9,<P>Yes my H agreed, It almost threw me off. I thought oh he is probably telling me the truth...funny part in 17 years, I thought he always did tell me the truth, when all this happened I did not know who I was living with. <BR>I live in a Very large City. I looked in the yellow pages under lie detector( polygraph) and it was there. I guess alot of employers are using them now, and it is a business. I paid $250.00..but they would have done it for 200.00 if H went to them...instead they came to H's office ( he owns his own business)...they would have come to our home, but it was better for H to do it there. I was not there..but I gave them the questions I wanted them to ask, and they gave me the report.. H passed. I really needed to know if he had ever cheated before, and if his A with OW was really only 3 weeks in length. I was PG at the time of the A, and this just made it worse..when D day happened. I recommend it.. I am glad I did it. and trust me I will not hesitate to do it again..if I feel H is not being honest...and he knows it...so that is keeping him on his toes...Good luck, I am sure you will be able to find someone in your area too.

My Cross:<P>Thank you! Do the questions need to be the type answered with only a yes or no? Do they tell you what type to ask? <P>I've been married 22 years, am 40, never dreamed H could do this. We went to a counselor but H quit going. The counselor said with the type personality H had he'd probably done it before. I've asked nearly everyone He and I both know if they knew of any past activity of this type. Yes I know, a real love buster, but when truth is shattered you loose that sense of protecting the other.<P>H has told me that sometimes there's this other "person" a totally different one than he who takes over. This makes me question the sometimes part, was it only during his A or have there been other times?<P>I know it sounds like a lot of bull, not taking responsibility for his own actions, but that's him.<P>My god the lies I learned of after his A would floor you. I guess I am terrified that he still is not the person I thought I knew. If he's not I do not want to invest another 20 years. I love him yes, but the truth is sooooooo important to me now.<P>Thanks for your help. Incidently, if he throws a fit and refuses to go should I worry? I won't tell him until the last minute if I get it set up. I do not want him trying to figure a way to "get around the questions", he is an excellent liar, I didn't know this until now.

Hi K9,<P>yes they had to be yes/no ans ( or I should say questions).<P>Sorry you are going through this, I am sorry your H has decided Not to return to counseling. As for this "Other Person" that takes him over...tell him you too have "this other person" that requires THE TRUTH...K 9 ...we deserve the truth. I KNOW I have been a good/ faithful Wife and Mother...I never let myself "Go"...I am 42 and still get carded ( no surgery ....yet) I get hit on all the time...so there WAS NO excuse ( not that there is ever a good one) for his A..and as you have probably guess by this forum...the A produced a child...try living with that slap..<BR>Our H's owe us..and I am sorry if that is not a MB thing It is just the way I feel...you have every right to ask this of him...if he refuses, you can best bet he is still not truthful...than you may need to look into the MB way..it sound good and seemed to help alot of people here...H and I are not there yet...he has been VERY good..and we are getting along..though sometimes I just want to smack him up side the head...for No reason at all...and I really dont have a violent bone in my body, but the A has changed me ...and that really makes me mad...because I LIKED ME the way I was...Now... I am angry and some what caddy...OK alot caddy ( see "what does your OW look like") it may feel good to participate...anyway I wish you luck, and all the best..MC

Thank you for the info. No, I did not guess from the posts that the A produced a child. My heart goes out to you. I feel the same exact way as you. There are times I just want to take a baseball bat to his head, (not the big one mind you). I too am 40, I definitely look my age now, especially after this stress, but I too get hit on all the time. I lost a lot of weight 2 years ago and have kept it off. I looked and felt better than I had in years. I feel like you, there was no reason AT ALL. Sex was good, etc. etc. She could not hold a candle to me. Not snippiness but rather truth. <P>She was a person who could barely hold down l job. Me, I have 2. I am educated, make good money and am the biggest reason why the business my H bought has flourished. I take care of all the paperwork for him. Let me rephrase that I did take care of all of it. Now, I have given a lot of the responsibility back to him where it should have been to begin with.<P>You are right, there is NOO reason for an A. My husband basically wanted the best of two worlds. The excitement of sex with a NEW body and the security of me. PUKE.<P>Thanks for your help, I did find what I was looking for and have an appointment Monday. It will be well worth any costs I know.<P>Truth is the only salvation this marriage has. I find it so hard to fathom how others can survive more than one disclosure, ESPECIALLY after they are trying so hard to work things out. I can't do that. Not MB philosophy I am sure, call it my philosophy, burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me.<P>Take care. Again thanks

Wow K9,<P>You move fast..I totally understand, I look at this man and did not know who he was, started to believe EVERYTHING was a lie. I am glad you found a place to help you, hopefully H will go. I know this sounds bad...but it still helps me...helping your H start "YOUR" business (not just his) I made that quite clear to my H, and I would have NO PROBLEM taking "my" part of it with me...I too go by the shame on me theory. And I will never put up with another A again...and he will be subjected to a lie detector test...whenever the mood hits me ...period. The way I look at it..is he breached the trust...live with it. Good Luck to you, let me know how it goes...take care MC