Thank you ladies for responding to my post. I follow your advice and spoke to my husband. He has agree to stop all contact with OW by phone. He knows that our marriage can't survive if he's not totally honest with me. I hope he keeps his promise. I know for a fact that I can't deal with OW for the rest of our lives. She's a very manipulative and calculating woman, and is using the OC to get to my husband.<P>I have a couple of questions about NY laws, OW has filed for back due child support, court hearing is set for next month. The first petition was filed in November 2000, the day after I discover the affair. We just got the results back in April, and my husband was order to pay child support. My question is does my husband pay back due child support since the child was born, or when the petition was originally filed in November. And if he has to pay arrears will it help that he has receipts and returned checks with ow signature. He was supporting this child for the first fourth months of his life, before I found out about the affair.<BR>

Even though we live in MN, the OW and OC live in NY and we are being held to NY standards...such as they are. We are obliged to pay from the birth of child.<P>Be careful, though. The support laws are arbitrary and automomous at best. The courts don't want anything to do with child support so they slough that off to "family" court where it is a kangaroo court...anything goes. Our 'hearing officer' refuses to acknowledge our tax returns and has imposed outrageous child support and has dragged this out for almost two years. In addtion, 70 % of my husband's net wages were garnished to satisfy huge, out of proportion arrears. Since you are residents, you may not have these problems but because we are 1800 miles away, the courts think we are hiding assets and have just now taken my husband's drivers license...and if they could find him, he would be in jail right now. There is no way we can come up with the amount of money they are demanding.<P>Don't mean to scare you but you should know what they are capable of...and they don't have to answer to anyone...no higher courts, no agencies, etc.<P>Be as forthright as you can and if you have to divorce or seperate like I did and cd did to have the lion's share of the income shares go to you, do it to save yourself and your kids. It is one way to beat the corrupt and evil system.<P>Fight hard, be honest, stay strong and do what you must to protect yourself and your kids. These whores are getting what a long term of wife of several years are getting for a few weeks of boffing a married man, and deliberately getting themselves pregnant. In our skewed society, these women are being rewarded for their behavior while our families are destroyed, emotionally and financially. Go figure.<P>Catnip =^^=

Thank you Capnip<P>You got me worried, OW (whore) will try to get as much as she can in child support. She even hire a lawyer to help her with this case. My Husband and I are not doing so well financially, and can't afford an attorney. I just recently lost my job, I am looking for work. Like you, I did the samething filed separation and child support for my two children, OW is aware of this,she's making threats that she will tell the courts that I am living with my husband and collecting support illegally, and will charge me with felony charges, because she feels that I am denying her son of his rights. Can she do this?

Jeez Mina,<P>What a witch!! Her son's rights?? Are you using a seperate address? I do not think the courts are going to take the time to investigate where you are living to such an extent. Say you moved in with at friend and make scuzzy prove otherwise. What a Nerve!!! Oh that makes me so mad!<BR>Sorry dotn have any advice on NY, but if anyone here knows it is definately Catnip. Her psychotic OW broke the mold.<BR>UGH!<P>LOve and many prayers<BR>bw

Oh yeah...sorry...got on a tirade and forgto the most important part here...so glad to hear your hubby has seen the light. Congrats on starting the rebuilding process...its long and its hard, but it is a process and it will happen.<P>Love<BR>bw

Hi, brokenwings<P><BR>My husband is using his brother's address. The nerve of the OW, saying I am denying her son of his rights, if it was up to me she will not be getting any child support since she knew that he was married and had two children, but didn't care,hey but you know the laws. OW won't give she wants to make our lives impossible.

Dontcha love it how you can be married to your husband for five, ten, twenty years, have had children and raised them together, built a history, had profound and meaningful connection for all those years, built a life together then some pig slut waltzes in, knowing full well the man is married and then deliberately allows herself to get knocked up, not a shred of dignity, guilt, remorse, class, empathy or a sense of 'sisterhood' to another woman and back the hell off. <P>Instead, they get attorneys and embark on an aggressive campaign to ruin our marriages, our families, hurt our kids and us making everything evil and ugly and we are left knowing that nothing will ever be the same. All because they get knocked up, have the kid, keep the kid and expect all the privileges and none of the obligations and have the courts on their side. It is truly an evil and corrupt system.<P>As far as being investigated, just tell the slimy courts that you and your hsuband are dating again and trying to work your way back to each other, your kids miss him and asked him to spend the night. It is none of their business who you are sleeping with since they don't give a lick the pig forced her way into your life and played hide the weenie with a married man. <P>Aaaaccckkk! I hate this. The nerve of that sow making these unreasonable demands...who the hell does she think she is??? She is less than nothing and I'd hate to have her karma for what she has done.<P>Some people are working for child support reform behind the scenes though it will probably be years before we will reap any benefits from true justice, however, they are even trying to introduce a 'sliding scale' according to how long a man has known a woman, the involvement, taking it by a case by case basis instead of a one size fits all solution. It is wrong, dead wrong, to force someone to pay outrageous child support for a child they did not want and wished to put up for adoption, yet, had SHE put it up for adoption, she would be cannonized a saint, but because neither you or your husband want the child and wish for it to go to a good home, tough, too bad,....and called a heartless deadbeat. So often these OW's intentionally and deliberately set these men up looking for a meal ticket and the courts are all too happy to (and thank you, Bystander) NAIL THESE MEN TO THE INCOME SHARES CROSS. <P>It's a racket. But, it does not matter in NY what YOU earn...your wages are not considered in the math involved in figuring out support for the opportunistic pig. They will only look at your husband's wages and expenses.<P>Take a deep breath...I will too...this is a real touchy subject for me.<P>Catnip =^^=

mina,<BR>Gees the nerve of that fruitloop there sure are alot of them that seem to think alike. I often wonder how there minds get so warped as to thinking they have any rights to our h.Hang in there dont let the ow (obnotious whore) get to you thats probly pretty hard not to though when I read what she said to you it makes me want to choke her. Sorry you have to be dealing with this glad you found us you will get lots of help here. with love flowerseed

hey mina,<P>we are in AZ, but H was ordered to pay support from birth. OC was almost 3 when OW decided to file after she told H she wanted nothing to do with him, nothing from him. we pay support every month plus a payment towards the arrears. the arrears from birth totalled over $20,000. i hope the OC is still a baby in your case. <P>glad your H has agreed to no contact. that is very important. have you read around the site about the policy of joint agreement (POJA). if not, read about it. you guys should come up with one. <P>these OW are so funny. they get rewarded for what they did, and H gets punished. so ridiculous.<P>happy_girl

Hi, Happygirl<P><BR>Wow! $20,000 dollars is a lot of money, you can do a lot with that kind of money. How are you paying this money? OW gets to sleep with our husband's and they get rewarded in the process, meanwhile we pay the consequeces, less money in to our homes. <P>In my case OC is 10 months old, my husband is paying child support, next month we have another court hearing (3rd time in court) I filed separation and child support, I got the first pay cut out of my husband's paycheck. She is so upset, because she already had calculated the 17% (New York Rate)in support she was going to get for her son. She didn't know that I had went to court and claim support, so her suppport was reduced. Now she's making threats that will accuse me because I am denying her son of his rights, according to her. The nerve of this whore. <P>

Mina,<P>If you and your H are in a "pretend separation" she needs to STOP contacting you ..period. You tell her that the next time she calls you, you will file harrassment charges, and she really will need tha lawyer she has. DO NOT let on that you two are not separated, this can be a problem if the courts think you are trying to manipulate them. Be careful...and good luck

Dear Mina,<BR>Tell ow and anyone else who asks that you are separated but that you are "working" on your marriage. If they question the amount of time that your h is at your house, tell them that he simply wants to be with the children as much as possible. Who is going to say that a father should not be with his children? As long as your h has an official mailing address separate from yours, it is nobody's business how much time you spend together during your "separation". You should probably make sure h leaves a set or two of clothes and some personal items at his brother's house, just for appearance sake, in case you ever are investigated. Other than that, the key is to act totally indignant if any cs caseworkers question you on your private life.<P>I'm so happy to see that you are using the awful, unjust cs laws to your benefit, as Catnip and I are doing. Good for you!<BR>-cd

up for livinghislie