Well, I hate this feeling. I was doing ok. Then it happened-a phone call from some woman asking for my husband (the problem was that she kind of sounded like OW). I immediately got on defensive and said he wasn't there, may I ask who is speaking. She said that this is sarah, from his credit card company and that it was a follow up call. If he had any questions he could call 1-800 number. Said thank you and hung up. Bugged the heck out of me; especially, since we/I received many hang-up calls after I met OW. My mind raced and I started to think about what I was going to tell H when he got home, but then I stopped self and thought that wouldn't be good because I'm determined to have a week where I/we don't bring it up unless she should happen to do something. I realized that I could called up credit card co. and ask about sarah. They were very helpful when I explained that we had been receiving crank calls from person asking for my husband by first name (usually co. ask for H by first and last name). Lady was very helpful. She said that she could check to see if anything had been posted. Yes, someone with initial S had called. I thanked her for help and hung up, then felt miserable for having reacted in such a way. <P>I'm glad I called because it prevented me from once again emphasizing to my H how paranoid this crap has made me. Unfortunately, my husband was unavoidably detained at work and got home 1/2 hour late, I was already biased and in suspiscious mood. He called before he came home to give me brief explanation of why he was running late and that he was on way home. I thanked him for calling, but still felt suspicious. He noticed I was quite at dinner, and then he gave me a complete explanation and details. That was great because I didn't have to ask. He's learning-day by day-just as I am. <P>Do these triggers lessen in frequency with time? Any sure ways from stopping self from reacting so strongly to them?<P>ivc

IVC,<P>BIG ((((HUGGS))))...I am sorry, I know what you are feeling<BR>this is going to happen frequently in your H's area...it is the "life", yes what you feeling is normal. and it is OK.<BR>I am glad you talked about it with your H, and that will trigger him to keep calling when he gets held up at the office...take care MC

Ivc,<BR>Yes they do get farther and fewer in between. Your reactions are totally normal. Its good your h is handeling things the way he is it sure helps. It took me along time to get through a day without this happening a lot in the beginning. I used to drive myself crazy checking up on my h and then feel like an idiot when I thought about it later but hey thats part of this nightmare we have been delt. It really does get better it just takes time and lots of help by h actions. I think we really have to see things with our own eyes before we can let ourselves believe again and unfortantly that takes time. with love flowerseed

Mycross<BR>I e-mailed you. ivc

IVC the triggers happen at the most unexpected time. I hate it too. I washed my sheers in my family room yesterday and remembered the last time I had done them was the Saturday before d-day. I got sick.<P>It does get better. They do not produce the same anxiety for me now....but stil.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

I just found this page yesterday about triggers, flashbacks after an affair at:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.dearpeggy.com/com027.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.dearpeggy.com/com027.html</A> <P>They slow down with the passage of time, but that is small comfort at the time.<BR>Best wishes,<BR>J

Jenny<P>Thanks for site.<BR>ivc

They do get better with time. I no longer am triggered by those stupid commercials. And I dont cringe when my D watches "Aristocats". Ow's name is in the stupid movie. My D even has a stuffed animal of the character (I did not buy it though...gee thanks g-ma..lol). The only thing that REALLY gets me anymore is if someone calls and sounds like her...which has happened to me also and those shows on tv that trivialize affairs. So it gets much better.

Dear IVC,<P>My H used to use the excuse of working late or on weekends in order to see OW. Unfortunately, sometimes he does have to work legitimately and after discovering his lies that created major problems for me.<P>I talked to him about it and explained that "working overtime" was now linked in my mind with the OW, so it would be very hard for me to trust him again when he used this excuse for not being home. <P>My H agreed that, when he had to work, he would stay in constant contact with me. He would call me when he arrived there. He encouraged me to call him to satisfy myself that he was truly at work. And he would call when he was leaving for home.<P>We both agreed that he should go a bit overboard in reporting his activities just to give me some time to re-build trust in him. I also told him that I wanted to work towards him NOT having to do this. I did not want to treat him like a criminal for the rest of our married life. But, after what we have been through, the hurt is so deep that our H's really have to bend over backwards to show their love and commitment.<P>Just like your H, mine started to understand that it was important to me for him to volunteer this information. I am now a lot less paranoid about where he is when he is late, although he still makes sure that he touches base with me by phone - just not as frequently as in the beginning. We have settled into a routine that we both feel comfortable with. <P>Keep talking to your H, IVC, and I am sure you will fall into the same comfort zone. The communication, in my opinion, is critical to success in rebuilding your marriage. Good luck.<P>love,<BR>heavenly