In my previous post, I had mention that OW was going to accuse me of claiming childsupport while leaving with my husband. Yesterday my husband received a 30 page financial affidavit from her attorney, stating correct address, hidden assets, creditcards payments, incometax returns, dating 6 years back,in those documents, they are even asking about electronic equipment that he pocess and more personal questions that you can't imagine. If anyone will see this questionnaire they will be shock. The financial affidavit from court is nothing compare to this one. This is more like an investigation from the IRS. In the papers it says that my husband has 20 days to completed. I told my husband not to fill out anything unless is order by the court. She also tryng to send a certified letter, that we are ignoring, everytime the mailman rings our bell we pretend not to be home. She's also trying to send whatever that might be to H brother's house and they are also doing the samething. I know she will try to send one to serve them in person. She also mention that she had record us leaving together from our apartment. The bimbo will not give up I guess she wants to make our lives a living hell. My husband regret the day he got involve with her and totally hate her now. <BR>

Mina I am so sorry you have to worry with this mess. It breaks my heart that these "women" can jump into the middle of the financial world of a married couple. Isn't bad enough they steal a physical relationship & time that our H should spend with us... now they want more. Makes you sick.<P>Anyway... yes... I have seen a similar document. Actually it was what MY lawyer sent my H when I filed for divorce. It was extensive and meant to dig up every last dollar of assets. Now in my state (TN) the only thing OW is entitled to is a percentage of income & not existing assets. So she cannot file that type of investigative document against my H. But she can gain access to our IRS filings (which has a lot of data about my income & other stuff that she should NOT have priviledge to see... IMO). <P>The paperwork sent to my H (from my lawyer) was a court supported document, since in my divorce papers (which I filed the day after finding out about affair) mentioned the paperwork sent to him & the time frame that he had to fill it in. He would be in contenpt of court if he did not respond. <P>I am sorry that I have not kept up & do not know all your story. Sounds like you are claiming to be separated from H? Do you have a lawyer? Get a lawyer to look over this paerwork from OW as soon as possible. That woudl be the best way to protect yourself and ensure that you have remained within the legal guidelines of what you do & do not have to provide. Take care... Carolyn

Dear Mina,<BR>Ok, it is time for you to be proactive. Here is my advice for you:<P>1. Have your h be at his brother's house the next time the mail comes. Have him sign for the certified letter there. That will serve two purposes. first, he can show later that he is taking his mail at that address. Second, you need to know what is in the letter. Always make sure you have every single piece of info that is available to you. You don't want to be taken unawares by anything, nor do you want it to appear as if your h is "in hiding". You want him to look like an innocent man with nothing to hide.<P>Plus, if you haven't done so already, have your h go to the post office and fill out an official change of address card so that all of his personal mail is redirected to his brother's house. <P>2. If you haven't done so already, make sure h has clothes and personal items at his brothers house, just to make it look good.<P>3. Set up an appointment with a marriage counselor. This is important even if you don't feel you *need* counseling. That way, you and h have proof that you, although "separated" are indeed working on the marriage. If the courts see that you are attending marriage counseling, they will believe that there are problems in the marriage and they will be less likely to assume that the separation is fake. Many pastors offer free marriage counseling, so this doesn't have to be expensive, and if nothing else, it will help you learn new ways of coping with this mess.<P>4. Regarding the financial statement papers. If you have a lawyer, turn them over to your lawyer to deal with. If you don't have a lawyer, have your h write the ow's attourney a short letter stating that he will not be disclosing any personal information without a court order requiring him to do so. I have found that it is always better to make some kind of response, because otherwise, the ow's attourney will use h's inaction against him to make it look like he is being uncooperative/irresponsible.<P>5. Send the ow a certified (request a receipt and signature) letter from you (make copies of it for your own records) requesting that she not contact you by mail or by phone anymore, and informing her that any more attempts to do so will be viewed as harrassment. And if she continues to contact you, pursue the matter with harrassment charges.<P>6. Start and maintain an accurate and detailed log of all contact you or h have with ow or her attourney. When she threatens to expose you for collecting cs, WRITE IT DOWN so that you can show cs officials that she has been threatening you all along with these "false" accusations. You want to make ow look like she is being vindictive. If questioned, be very candid in telling the cs officials that you and h spend a lot of time together and that you are indeed working on the marriage. This would be a great time to throw in that you are attending marriage counseling.<P>Good luck, mina. You can win this war. Just take it one battle at a time.<P>cd

Mina,<P>As someone here, that has several Lawyers in the family ( and two judges)...dont worry about the document...the court will give you what they want to determine your H's resonsiblity to the child. CD was right you are not required to list your assets...you said you do not own a home (live in a apt?)..sound like your OW has enough money to harrass you with lawyers ( and they are not cheap)...she does not need too much money...as far as were your H lives...CD was right about that...have your H sign for that "letter" at his brothers...the receipt for that should stay w/ the letter...it is proof of residency. Do not avoid any kind of serving...just makes you look like you are not responsible ... and they will find you eventually. <BR>I had said this before...DO NOT TALK TO OW WOMAN...DONT GIVE HER THE TIME OF DAY..TELL HER NOT TO CALL YOU AGAIN OR YOU WILL GET AN ORDER OF PROTECTION.... Who cares if she has tape of you H leaving the apt... do you not have children together? and was he not just visiting?...see were I am going with this??...another thing...go to the police and file harrassment charges ..or get a restraining order..<BR>there is no reason why she ever has to call your apt.....and if she does...tell her..look do not call here...H does not live here..and hang up..do not give her the time to talk...you are giving this woman TOO much power..take it back...if you listen to her it will upset you...laywers can say and do alot...but what a judge or court is interested in are 2 different things....her lawyer is just "legally harrassing you" and it is futile... just stop giving her the time of day. I know this is upsetting...but soon this will be over. And if you have a restraining order...she can not call or come near you or she will go to jail...Take care of you...MC

Thank you, Takingcare, CD Collins, and My Cross, You ladies are great and helpful. It makes a lot sense, I have been giving this OW to much power to continue the harrassment. Since the begining I want it to take action and put an order of protection against the bimbo,when she started sending me mails, and calling my home. But instead I listen to my husband, and did not put the order of protection, he told me just to ignore her and eventually she will give up. He has now realize that she will not give up until she gets what she wants.

Mina,<P>You have gotten some great advice here and I am afraid I have nothing to add but my support for you and total disgust for ow. What a sicko. And people wonder how "crimes of passion" come about. Uh! Mina, sounds like you are a wonderful woman and noone deserves this intrusion on their life. Hope and pray this is over for you soon.<BR>Love<BR>bw

Dear Mina:<P>you received such wonderful sage advice from the best and the brightest and I have little more to offer as I agree wholeheartedly with the ladies' here and their repsonses.<P>Good pragmatic, sound advice. I hope you will follow the suggestions.<P>The only thing I have to add is a 'bytch'. It gripes me to no end that these O(pportunistic) W(hores) and their slithering attorneys have the audacity to request from our husbands financial information dating back several years BEFORE our husbands ever even knew them.<P>Her attorney is trying to intimidate your husband into filling out paper work when the courts are the only entity allowed to request that kind of confidential and personal information from him. We got the same thing in the beginning of our saga, too. We ignored it and sent it to our attorney, who wrote them a letter stating that this information would remain confidential until ordered by the judge.<P>Stay strong...we are pulling for you and praying for you. It will be OK...ride the tide, Mina.<P>Catnip =^^=

Mina,<P>You've received such great advice. I only have a few things to add if I'm not too late already.<P>First, as CD said, do NOT accept any mail addressed TO your husband. Have him fill out the forms at the post office, etc and receive any certified letters at his other address, not at your home. Also, when you receive a letter, write on it "Not at this address" if it's not automatically forwarded. <P>The attorney can send you the forms he has, but it doesn't mean you have to fill them out unless a court has ordered it. However, you might want to take a look at thess sites so you can get the background information the courts DO ask for before a date is set:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.com/ny/nyart05.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcenet.com/ny/nyart05.html</A> <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.com/ny/nyfaq01.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcenet.com/ny/nyfaq01.html</A> <P>Both of these sites list laws regarding support in the New York state.<P>Also, you may want to read:<P> <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/cstest.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/cstest.htm</A> <BR>A court case which you can use in your own case<BR> <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips1.htm</A> <BR>This is an article about what is needed for documentation<BR> <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/irs.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/irs.htm</A> <BR>Tax tips for Unwed Fathers<BR> <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/max-cs.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/max-cs.htm</A> <BR>Article on laws regarding child support<P><BR>I hope this helps some. Take good care,<BR>CoR <BR>

Thank you ladies, for your support, and wonderful advice, also for having me in your prayers. I have not use the computer for the last two days, I have been very busy. However I have some good news, I found this agency that provide free of charge counseling for families. I have an interview with them tomorrow. I am trying to help my husband find a Legal Aid Attorney, can't afford an attorney at the moment, since I am not working , and basically leaving of his income. I am also looking for a job. I am following your advice, OW doesn't know what's she in for. Court date is set for June 21 at 9:00am. I will keep you post it ladies, also thankyou C-O-P for posting those websites.

Good luck Mina and let us know how it goes. Continued prayers...<BR>Love<BR>bw

you're in good hands and I can't add to it but good luck!!!