Mrs. Job:<P>Hahahaha. That was great.<P>God has an outrageous sense of humor...just look at the monkies and chimps...and the hyena. Hey, look at 'people'...what a joke, huh?<P>Anyway...your satirical obsevations were hilarious.<P>Catnip =^^= <P>

Jenny,<BR> I just got back on today. I see I'm a little late with this . Hope your feeling better now thats got to be very hard to deal with I dont think I could. There is no way she is happy like she is trying to pretend raising 3 kids by yourself does not at all make a persons life happy. She is most likly a very bitter person. I least when I was doing it I never seen it as being a happy time in my life. <BR> with love flowerseed<BR>

gemini, catnip, MrsJ (you should publish that!), Lynton and flowerseed...<P>THANK YOU all again for holding me up--IT WORKED! By the night of the third day I was laughing out loud--not because of her email, just because my life is really great! When I feel happy I always think of my 2yo, who is prone to running through the house yelling "I'm Happy! I'm Happy!" She is sooo precious! (My son is very precious too, but he has a more serious personality and dry humor like his daddy)<P>Recovery time is faster for us oldsters, especially with the prayers and good wishes of a wonderful group like this!! <P>I'm thinking of talking with a chaplain again when I have time. The ones we've talked with in the past have been in connection with our marriage counseling or renewing our vows, nothing specifically about dealing with OC. I need a more neutral party's opinion.

Dear Jenny, <P>I'm glad to read that you are happier today.<BR>Two year olds are a happy bunch, aren't they.<BR>Mine just learned how to say Happy Birthday in<BR>the cutest way that always makes me smile.<P>I am sorry for the pain that reading the updates<BR>from the ow causes you. Completely understandable.<BR>I understand wishing that the oc were living with you<BR>and what a loss you have had. My prayers are with you.<P>And very funny, Mrs. Job!

Dear Jenny,<BR>You've already gotten such wonderful comments that you probably don't even need me to chime in...but here goes anyway <P>Sweetheart, don't you know what ow writing you a happy chirpy feel-good email really means? It means that somewhere deep inside she feels so crappy about herself that she has to take another jab at you. If she was truly satisfied with her life, she wouldn't go out of her way to update you and your h on how wonderful things are going.<P>Now, I don't know what exactly the ow wrote in that email. But I CAN tell you what she didn't write.<P>She didn't write about how she dreads the day that oc asks her "How come my daddy doesn't live with us? Why doesn't my daddy love you?"<P>She didn't write about how she looks at her child and sees the painful reminder of the man who chose to stay with his wife despite the fact that she (ow) was carrying his child.<P>She didn't write about how she mentally rehearses, time and time again, the exact words she will use when her baby comes home from kindergarten (or whatever grade) and says "One of my classmates called me a [censored]. What does that mean?" <P>She didn't write about how she fills out the forms at the doctor's office (or dentist office, or school office) and then has to explain once again why it is that she doesn't have oc's daddy with her to do this.<P>She didn't write about how it feels to fall asleep next to a guy she just had sex with wondering if he will love her enough to overlook the fact that she already has borne another man's child.<P>She didn't write about how she sees happy little families out at the playground on Sunday, knowing full well she will never quite have what they have.<P>She didn't write about the moments when oc does something absolutely precious and she is alone to witness it. Or when her boyfriend/lover/whatever is with her to see it, and she looks into his eyes and cannot find the glow of fatherly pride. When instead of that, she finds only mild amusement, or worse, just plain indifference.<P>She didn't write about the men who express interest in asking her out, but then hastily change their minds when they hear about her past.<P>She didn't write about the men who love her but don't care too much for oc. Or the men who think oc is adorable but don't like her(ow) enough to want to stay with her for oc's sake.<P>She didn't write about the looks she gets from people who know the truth about her. Or the whispered conversations she knows go on when she is just out of earshot. <P>She didn't write about the way she imagines oc will act the first time she meets you and thinks you are wonderful. Or how she will cope with the heartache if oc ever announces, "I want to live at Jenny's house. She is so much fun to be with!" <P>She didn't write about the way she obsesses over the time zone difference between you and her. How at 4:00 in the morning she will awaken and wonder if right now, at that very second, you and your h are making love together.<P>She didn't write about the list she has made of things you have that she never will. Or the hundred different aspects of your character/looks/etc. that she knows she cannot compare to. <P>I could go on and on about all the things ow did not write. The things that she may not even admit to herself, much less admit to you. <P>Sometimes, Jenny, you have to look harder at the things that are left unsaid.<P>-cd

Jenny - I understand how you feel. I have 4 children that my husband and I adopted internationally. The youngest 2 he had to fly to their homeland to bring them to the US. He has a 2x sexual encounter with a co-worker 20 years his junior and she becomes pregnant. It is difficult for my children who feel to some extent already abandoned by their birth mother. It is horrifying to me that something I wnated and prayed for for so many years could happen to someone else with such ease. It is terrible that he felt so conflicted about not being able to walk away from his first BIOLOGICAL child but could walk away from his adopted children. Life is heartache it seems sometimes. But I truly believe God only gives us what we can handle. You might have to cut back on emails and/or change your email address. I'm sure she is trying to stick it to the both of you in some twisted way. Be strong. Hold your head up high! It will get better.<BR> Kris

CD,<BR>Thanks so much for your support. I appreciate what you wrote--good perspective. I KNOW unless God's worked miracles in her life it can't possibly be as great as she pretends. We were around each other a LOT for over 3 years before DDay (the affair off and on for over a year). She knows what a great mom I am and what a great life my family has together; I'm convinced she envied and coveted everything I have. I know what crap her life has been, how she was an abused child, how much poverty she's lived in, and how she struggles as a parent, gets verbally abusive. The good news for her kids is she supposedly has a family counselor and goes to church now (didn't used to), but who knows how much good it's really doing. YUCK.<P>quakermom, thank you too. H and I hope to adopt in a year or two and I can only imagine your pain and your children's pain. I hope your H will come to his senses and work this thing out with you.<P>Blessings to all,<BR>J

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cdcollins:<BR><B>Dear Jenny,<BR>You've already gotten such wonderful comments that you probably don't even need me to chime in...but here goes anyway <BR>satisfied with her life, she wouldn't go out of her way to update you and your h on how wonderful things are going.<P>She didn't write about the moments when oc does something absolutely precious and she is alone to witness it. Or when her boyfriend/lover/whatever is with her to see it, and she looks into his eyes and cannot find the glow of fatherly pride. When instead of that, she finds only mild amusement, or worse, just plain indifference.<BR> I take REAL OFFENSE TO THIS STATEMENT. I had my first child out of wed lock and i can darn well tell you my husband shows JUST as much fatherly pride with my first child as he does ours. God i hope if the OW does some day wise up and is lucky enough to get involved with a single man he is able to truely love the OC. i agree with almost every thing else you posted but this really got me upset!<P>-cd</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

c.d.,<BR> You sure do have a way of saying things Very good c.d. very good.<P>whatif, <BR> C.d. was not referring to your h dont take things so personaly you will drive yourself nuts. with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited May 28, 2001).]

Whatif,<BR>There is a big difference between having a boyfriend involved with children who are not his and having a husband who is committed to being a father to his wife's children. We all know that. Don't take everything I say so personally.<BR>-cd

Whatif?....<P>The post from cd to Jenny was to Jenny, not to you, not to me.<P>It really offends ME when people are so 'self' that they get offended over things other people say and make direct correlation/connect of what someone has said about something or someone else towards themselves. Because it ain't about them.<P>When people here on this site start chastising others for what they say, think or feel, then we all get the feeling that we have to walk around on eggshells in fear that we are offending someone. Then we are unable to be free with our feelings and speech and we become ineffective. That won't fly here.<BR> <BR>If you are the thin-skinned type that gets offended easily, then you won't like it here. We pretty much let it rip here. I say lots of things that probably give people a momentary pang of discomfort, and I have read many, many things that have given me a tweak or two. So what? At least we learn a lot from one another and unless someone is overtly cruel and meaning ill will, we all let it go. It is very healing. <P>My advice to you is to take what you like and leave the rest and not get all whipped into a frenzy by what others have to say because it ain't about you and you do not need to be offended about anything anyone says unless it is directed to you...like this is. <P>I am not offended by what cd said in anyway, shape or form...and my current husband spent many years giving my wonderful son from my previous marriage shots and making unkind remarks because he was jealous and just plain selfish. So, I know firsthand of the slights and feelings of disrespect that a non-bio dad can display toward a child that does not belong to him...so I had the opposite reaction than you did at cd's post. <P>All I can say to you is, consider yourself lucky. That is not something to be offended about, but something to be grateful for and proud of...I wish my husband were like your man.<P>Catnip =^^=

CD,<P>Thank you....<P>Love<P>broken_wings