OK, visit number one is done and over.<P>Here is how it went.<P>On the way to grandmothers house: h said, "I feel like vomiting." I said, "If you feel like that now, I can't imagine what you'll feel like when you see ow." Then, as we were driving up the driveway, a porcupine crossed in front of our car. I said, "Isn't that ow now?" H said, "Honey, I think you need to wear your glasses That is a porcupine, not a skunk." Got me off to a rolicking start, haha. H was still laughing as we got out of the car. <P>When we went in the house, it was a very cool reception. Thank God, being the icewoman that I am, I enjoy frosty climates. Oc looked us over but refused to talk to us, and ow and mom gave us nasty looks. I went into the too-stupid-to-know-any-better routine and started jabbering away about the weather. Ow reluctantly responded with one-word answers because you can't ignore somebody talking to you for to long without feeling like a real dope. And, let me tell you, I have stamina. I will talk and talk and talk. I knew sooner or later, she'd feel compelled to reply. And she did. Point one - cd!<P> For the first hour, ow put on a movie for oc, so we got to watch oc watch a movie. Real exciting. No interaction at all, until I started singing along with oc - It was Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost, which my boys have watched 2.3 billion times, so I know the words by heart. Oc thought that was neat. Then oc wanted to go for a walk. Of course, ow wouldn't let us go anywhere with oc without her, but ya shoulda seen ow's face when oc grabbed my hand. She had me by one hand and ow by the other. Ow looked like she was about to crap a brick. Along the way, h picked up a caterpillar and gave it to oc. Oc thought that was really cool, and when I started to tell her about how caterpillars turn into butterflies, she was all over me. I let Mr. Caterpillar walk up and down my hand (something ow was scared to do, apparantly), and promised oc that I would catch a frog with her sometime. She thought that sounded pretty neat, and said she wanted me to come back and do that really soon. We talked about how frogs will pee on you sometimes, and she thought that was gross enough to be absolutely fascinating. I put on a barbie princess crown (that belonged to oc) and asked her if I looked like a princess. She said yeah. I said then I really have to find a frog to kiss and turn into a prince. She said, "nooooo, that's yucky - kiss him instead (pointing to my h)" ow crapped enough bricks to build a house and matching carport.<P>At this point, ow starts bragging about expensive stuff she has like a mountain bike and a DVD player. (Nice to know she can afford them and still get food stamps and government housing, eh?) She asked h if he has bought a DVD player yet. I say, under my breath, "just the one you have." hehehehe. Self amusement is the best. I guess the point was that ow felt she had to have something to brag about. Didn't work out too well. Rather have a husband than anything money can buy, honey.<P>Anyway, the low point of the visit was during the walk when I asked oc where we were headed. oc said that she wanted to walk to her grandpa's cabin in the woods. I know that rendevous #1 between h and ow took place at such a cabin, so I nearly went asthmatic at that moment. Fortunately, we were walking uphill, so I just looked like I was out of breath and out of shape. Better to look like I can't climb a hill without getting winded than looking like a spastic lunatic. (H explained afterwards that it was not THE cabin anyway, so it was ok.)<P>The high point of the visit was oc warming up to me. She liked me very much, especially towards the end. Asked me to come back for her birthday, June 14th, because she thinks that is when Mr. Caterpillar will turn into a butterfly. I said, well, I will come back in exactly two weeks. Oc said Ok, that would be good too.<P>Overall I enjoyed oc a lot. H was a little put off by some coarse mannerisms, like when oc sat on ow's lap and told her she wanted to fart on her and make her stinky (- the word that came to mind there was "redundant") but he thinks that we will be able to be a positive influence on her and change that somewhat. We got a couple of glimpses into ow's poor parenting skills. She is one of those mothers who tells the child "no" then the child throws a fit and she gives in and gives child whatever she wants. So oc throws some REALLY mean tantrums. Like the on-the-floor-kicking and screaming kind. I think some love and guidance will change that.<P>Thus far, oc will not have much to do with h at all - but she is liking me already, so I think that she will warm up to h before too long. H is not the pied piper that I am, you know, but once we have her on our own, he'll be able to relax and be himself and then oc will love him. H says that he thinks that is the way to go anyway - have oc fall in love with me and then get used to him. Especially since I am the person that the courts will be wondering about most. They will wonder if I will be ok dealing with oc due to the circumstances of her birth, and if we are great pals already, they won't question that at all.<P>As we were leaving, I said to ow's mom,in my most cheerful voice "Thanks for having us. We had a great time." Ol grandma looked like I was talking some foreign language, just nodded her head and looked confused like she couldn't understand how I was dense enough to miss the hostile atmospere. Ah well, we only have to stay there for visits three more times, then we will be on our own with oc. Then we will really be able to get to know each other better.<P>So, all in all, a good day for h and me.<P>Thanks to everybody for your prayers, warm words, and support. They helped me get through it. Next time wont be so bad now that we got this first time under our belts.<P>cd

cd<P>INSPIRATIONAL!!!!!!Loved your story, especially the killing them with kindness. We haven't gone to court yet to discuss cs, but hopefully things will come around well. I'll discuss that later. Baby is crying-got to go. <BR>ivc

You go girl. Always makes me laugh when the OW doesn't want the H involved if he wants to be, yet doesn't bark at the huge child support amount she gets every month. Getting mad at the W being involved is even more funny. Glad things went well, and that you showed them they can't make you flinch.<P>happy_girl

[ So happy to hear all this, I think it is a bonus, mot the motifating factor but a bonus,. that your involvment with the OC is a torture to the OW.

CD, I was so glad to read how well this first visitation went for you. I really think you handled it great. I for one could never have done half as good. We, my h and my family completed our third unsupervised visit with the oc at our home this past Sunday. Things are going well, but not as good as we would like, in reference to the ow and her lack of cooperation. So back to mediation we will be going, soon I hope. I will keep you all posted. My h asked me to go with him to drop off oc after our visits, but I just can not. The thought of seeing her just makes me sick to my stomach, as your h had said, I feel like I am going to vomit. Maybe it is the fact that she is pregnant again, and the thought of seeing her like that. I had no problem going to court and seeing her, but to see her at her home, or should I say parents home, because she lives with them, I just have no desire to do it. Maybe when she moves and has the baby I can deal with the sight of her again, I will be at court , for some reason I have no problem with that. Anyway, congrats on your stregthen I think it is great and it sounds like you have helped your h along with this whole thing by being so strong, I think they need that sometimes. Any thoughts on my problem dealing with the ugly sight of the ow would be appreciated I would love to make her as uncomfortable as your ow seemed. Take care, and again congrats on the victory, Peace, Gabi1116

Go CD, Go CD. It's your birthday. It's your birthday!!!!<P>I am SO happy that it went so well!!!! Keep up the good work and OW won't have a leg to stand on!<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Dear CD,<P>I greatly admire your coolness under fire! I am sure that I could not do the same -- too hot tempered. Loved your thought about the DVD player your H bought! LOL!<P>It looks like a great beginning for you -- not so great for the OW.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cdcollins:<BR><B> (1) when oc sat on ow's lap and told her she wanted to fart on her and make her stinky (- the word that came to mind there was "redundant") but he thinks that we will be able to be a positive influence on her and change that somewhat. <P>(2) ow's poor parenting skills. She is one of those mothers who tells the child "no" then the child throws a fit and she gives in and gives child whatever she wants. <P>(3) Ol grandma looked like I was talking some foreign language, just nodded her head and looked confused like she couldn't understand how I was dense enough to miss the hostile atmospere. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>cd: (Icewoman)<P>You're so cool, butter wouldn't melt in your mouth. But, your warm heart thawed OC. I am so impressed with how you handled yourself and the situation...like my Grandmother always told me, "class will tell".<P>In response to #1, How charming. You know where OC learned that kind of coarsness. OW probably scratches herself and swills a lot of beer, too like my OW. Sad for the child. There just ain't no decorum anymore. Or manners taught.<P>#2 This part really bothers me about parents-inconsistency. It is such a disservice to the child because if their behavior is atrocious, they can become a pariah in social situations...no one wants them around. This OC desperately needs your guidance. And your husband's. I sometimes worry about the OC in our life, too. But our OW wants nothing to do with us...just the money. To buy DVD players...hahahaha<P>#3 Hahahahaha...ol Grandmaw...poor ol thing. Her confusion will nag at her for weeks. Class will tell.<P>Catnip =^^=<P><p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited May 29, 2001).]

c.d.,<BR> Whew that ones done. Sounds like you and h did just fine. I knew you you guys would. I really admire what you are doing for this little girl you will be rewarded more then you ever imagined when its all said and done. <BR> Did you keep the smirk off your face when the oc wanted to make mom stinky? Oh the thoughts that would have been rolling threw my head. One good thing is she is young enough that you can correct alot the problem behavoir.<BR> <BR> Proud of ya c.d. with love flowerseed

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! <P>We knew you'd pull it off CD! Another success! You're incredible. And classy, unlike the hillbillies you're stuck dealing with.<P>Attagirl! We eagerly await your next chapter

Well, I have to confess that last night I had some residual effects from that visit with ow/oc.<P>After I posted the story here on MB, my h and I went to a barbeque at his co-worker's house, which had been planned for some time. I had met the coworker and his wife before, but this would be our first visit to their home. On the way there, I asked h, "So do you have directions to their house?" H said, "No, I didn't need to ask for directions. I have already been to their house once." I said, "What??? When was this???" H said, "I stopped by after work one day to help him move a tree that had fallen in their yard. I told you that." But I have no recollection of h ever telling me he had stopped at their house, and stupid as it may seem, it triggered me back to when h would say he was stopping at a coworker's house after work during the affair. He would tell me that he was stopping at the male coworker's house, when in fact in was ow's house. I had a bit of a melt-down, to say the least. It's not that I minded that he had stopped at coworker's house - it's not like I keep my h on a leash, it's just that it was a bad time to get surprised by anything, since I was still "recuperating" from the oc visit. Even though the visit went well, it took a tremendous amount of emotional energy.<P>H handled my irrational anger/tears/fear pretty well. By the time we got to coworker's house he had reassured me and gotten me calmed down enough that I felt presentable again. I was totally caught off guard by my reaction to such a harmless thing - I thought I had gotten to the point where I didn't "trigger" so much anymore. H, on the other hand, seemed to almost see it coming. He said that he expected that sooner or later I'd have some kind of negative reaction to seeing ow. I was so glad he was totally understanding and sympathetic about the whole thing.<P>Today i am pretty much back to normal. thank God for that!<BR>-cd

Nosetta, I just LOVE reading your posts. Your sweet wickedness amuses me so. It's wonderful to know that you're off to a good start with OC. That little girl deserves to have someone like you in her corner. OW is too self-absorbed to be of any use. It's such a shame…"mom" is supposed to be the one person you can always turn to for love, guidance and support. Biology dealt you a harsh blow when you found out about OC, but biology also blessed this little girl. Biology dictates that H is her father…which means that YOU will also be a part of her life. With you as a strong, positive influence in her life, OC stands a good chance at life that she would never have had with just OW's guidance (or lack of). Out of the pain and heartache that you endured, you have brought a great blessing to this little girl. You have so much to be proud of.

cd I couldn't wait to read how things went.<P>Brava!<P>Your day was so interesting to read about.....please teach the kid better manners!(ha ha ha )<P>At any rate I'm glad it's over and you pulled through unscathed.<P>Bless you!<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hey Diz,<BR> <P> OW should be a bricklayer. Next visit, see if you can get her to crap a couple of cinder blocks! ( Stand clear, though, they're heavy!!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

CD,<P>You are a glaciar woman. You've got a place in the BS Hall of Fame. I too, am a big fan of the kill the OW with kindness. Fact, I have been so kind that it is working on her guilt and she "can't stand to see me any more even if I am the nicest person she has ever met." He he<P>If you're taking requests, I want those square glass bricks, you know the ones that let light in, but don't let people outside see you when you run past them naked.<P>Mrs. Job

Hey Diz,<P><BR> I need about sixty- four octagonal concrete pavers..( Chocolate brown.) Could you ask OW next visit?<P>I'll pay for shipping.<P> God bless you,<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Gregg

CD,<P>Gotta tell ya girl I was ear to ear through your whole post!! Too funny. So glad Darlin warmed up to you so well and you to her. You were great!<P>Love<P>bw