Do you think an oc should be told who daddy is if there is no firm commitment from that person? the oc is 5 and ow told him who daddy was because she was hoping to guilt h into staying in contact, now he has no contact and doesn't want any, why would someone do this to their own child if they knew that the man really was not interested in a relationship with the child?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fizzpop:<BR><B>Do you think an oc should be told who daddy is if there is no firm commitment from that person? the oc is 5 and ow told him who daddy was because she was hoping to guilt h into staying in contact, now he has no contact and doesn't want any, why would someone do this to their own child if they knew that the man really was not interested in a relationship with the child?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> I am not sure if the OW should tell the OC or not but i bet 99% do/will. i know that the ow put all the fathetr info in her child's baby book even before the baby was born. Has anyone been told the Ow wasn't going to tell oc?<P>

Because more often than not, it is not about the child but about the OW's ego, Fizzpop.<P>The OW is focused on herself, not the child. If she were concerned for the betterment of her child, she would have given it up for adoption so the child could have a Dad and a Mom...a loving, two-parent household with all the advantages.<P>At five years old, though, children ask a lot of questions and I know a child's paternity is important to them. It is probably a good idea to tell the child who their father is and explain that the Dad has another family and lives with them. And leave it at that. When they are older (teens, maybe) then the child should be told who the Dad is so they can contact him if they wish.<P>If the child never sees or hears from the Dad, then it is sad for them, but it also leaves open the door for a step-father possibility to bond with.<P>Either way, it is a disturbing and rotten way for a kid to live and they are forever damaged by their parents actions. I will never understand how all these women, knowing full well their child may never know their Dads, will choose to keep these children who so deperately need a stable home. Their selfishness stuns me.<P>Like anything else, I suppose it depends on the maturity of the child.<P>Catnip =^^= <P>

I am going to tell Hannah about her biological "counterpart". For no other reason than she has a right to know. If she chooses to want a relationship with her sperm donor, then I can not stop her. She has every right to see the face that gave life. I am not going to gain anything by telling her, but I could lose her by not telling her. I am not going to let her find out from slug on the street, or worse from OM's family. I am not going to give them the oppurtunity to say to her in years to come, we wanted to be a part of your life, but your mom wouldn't let us. I will not be the one who chooses to ignore or hide the fact that I did something inexcusable. I will not be embarressed or ashamed of what how my D came to be. I will not let her stroll through life with lies hanging over her head. She will not learn and understand the consequences of her's or others actions by not tell her what me and her sperm donor did. She will learn that people make mistakes, by making the mistake I made is not solved by having an abortion, by hiding what I did, by being ashamed and shoving it into a closet to deal with in due time. That would not make a good mother, a good person or a role model for my children. Taking responsiblity for my actions intale finishing what I started. By tell her it will bring a close to the door I opened. If her biological family doesn't want anything to do with her, then that is all for the better. I wouldn't want her to associate with people who can not be honest with others, let alone with themselves. <P>RY<BR>"This child was not created in love, but was born into love, that is all that matters"