Dear whatif,<BR>I have been thinking since yesterday that I probably ought to respond to your "sorry for jumpng in" post. However, I am having a difficult time choosing the right words for what I would like to say.<P>First, I have to tell you that I was a little puzzled as to why you were offended at all about what I wrote to Jenny. It wasn't even about you or your situation. It certainly wasn't about Ohbratti, who is probably the closest person here to what I described in those comments. I wish the best for Ohbratti and her boyfriend, and I am absolutely delighted that little Jonas may have a full-time father figure in his life soon. But you know, I didn't feel the need to qualify what I wrote with a statement like "Hey, Ohbratti, when I say this about ow I am not talking about you" because Ohbratti already knows that.<P>I have to tell you, whatif, that I emailed Catnip and thanked her for her response to you. At the time, I was too peeved to write anything sensible myself, and I appreciated her stepping in on my behalf. <P>I was extremely surprised to discover that I was ticked off in the first place - usually there isn't much at all that "gets" to me. In most cases, I enjoy reading responses that disagree with my viewpoint because it forces me to reexamine my position on the topic. Good for the mind, you know. So I had to take some time and figure out what is was in your post that pushed my buttons like that.<P>After much introspection, I realized that what was really bothering me was not that post at all, but your response to my story of the first visit with oc. You told me that I needed to understand that making ow uncomfortable was just a bonus and shouldn't be my primary motivation in visiting oc. THAT is what made me angry. I felt that you were acting as if I needed to be reminded that my primary concern in all of this is oc. I felt that your comment was condescending and a little insulting, because I have always tried to do the right thing where oc is concerned. I have to tell you, whatif, that I wouldn't be pursuing visitation at all if my heart wasn't in the right place as far as oc is concerned. Do I enjoy the fact that ow is suffering because of my presence in oc's life? Sure I do! But I wouldn't interfere in a child's life just to get revenge on her mother. I am choosing to be in oc's life because I think that my h and I can really help that little girl.<P>Then I rethought my emotions and realized that since you are fairly new here, you probably don't know my background, or the full story about how my h and I have always tried to act in oc's best interest, or how ow has repeatedly lied and manipulated us and how she has used oc as a pawn in her sick games. You would have no way of knowing how my stomach turned when ow described to us how her previous boyfriend "clotheslined" oc across the chest or how I lay awake at nights feeling guilty because oc had been neglected and we didn't even know about it.<P>I realized that, given what facts you had, you were probably trying to do the right thing in giving me that friendly reminder to keep my focus on oc, not ow. And it certainly doesn't hurt me to be reminded now and then what my goal in all of this really is.<BR> <BR>So here is what I suggest that we do: Anytime that you think I am getting off track a little, you feel free to jump in and make me toe the line. And I'll take your comments to heart, knowing that they are intended to help me keep my motives pure, as they should be. In return, when I slam ow in general or make sarcastic remarks about ow, you will try not to mistakenly think they are directed at you in any way.<P>That way, we both keep saying what we want, and nobody gets offended unnecessarily.<P>What do you think?<P>-cd

[<P> in your post that pushed my buttons like that.After much introspection, I realized that what was really bothering me was not that post at all, but your response to my story of the first visit with oc. You told me that I needed to understand that making ow uncomfortable was just a bonus and shouldn't be my primary motivation in visiting oc. THAT is what made me angry. <BR> Perhaps you read what I wrote wronge. i wrote and i quote" I think it is a bonus, NOT THE motivating factor but a bonus, that your involvement with Oc is a torture to the ow." Meaning, KNEW torturing the ow was NOT your motivating factor but just an added bonus. This is what i mean by people, including myself, are very sensitive and perhaps we read into something the wronge way. maybr because I am new you read this the wronge way.

c.d. and whatif,<BR>I wasnt sure about that I kinda took it like c.d. did also but that wasnt my problem. I like catnip also had a man in my childrens life that was also not a good father actually I had two of them, so to me what c.d. was saying fit. <BR> What we have to do is remember that everyones lives are diffrent what may offend one may be right on target with someone else. If we have to tip toe over everything we say nothing gets solved. Lets all try to not be take things personaly. We're all a little nutty we have to be with what we have been through. with love flowerseed

Gee whiz, flowerseed.<P>You should know better than to take anything that cd says too seriously.<P>Half the time, she is full of crap. And the other half she doesn't make any sense anyway.<P>with love <BR>cd<P>

c.d.,<BR>What on earth are you talking about I have always loved anything that comes out of your fingers. That didnt sound right either Oh god I'm going to get it now. <BR> with love flowerseed

i had a friend tell my i was being cruel to want to take<BR>a child from a women, and that we shouldn't seek custady<BR>if it is my h's. that was hard to take. she can go to a sperm bank or something and get another one by someone <BR>else, am i just heartless? this, ow was looking to get<BR>preg. by my stupid h.<BR> windfall