Last night, I had a not so good night. It happened after my H told me that the bookkeeper at his 2nd job just told him that they had received a letter from the district attorney's office asking for disclosure of his finances-this is all in preparation for the cs court date. I thought to myself- "My God, how could I have come this far? How could our marriage have come to this? Why did this have to happen? I use to have low self-esteem, but that improved, now I think I have no self-esteem. My self-worth is practically non-existant." It was just a bad late night. I sat in a chair in my son's room and cried in the dark. The only thing that kept me from wallowing in to much self-pity was the fact that my little son was sick and had diarrhea all evening and night. I was too worried about him not wanting his bottle and trying to keep him hyddrated by drinking pedialyte when he woke. I've got to go-baby calls.<BR>ivc

Oh honey, I am sooooo sorry you are feeling so down right now. I know it is hard to keep yourself just breathing at this point in the game, but cling to the fact that there will be a brighter day. Are you in counseling? What about anti-depressants/anxiety meds? Maybe its a temporary solution, but it will help until this has passed. Remember that little baby needs you. Well, obviously you already realize that. You sound like a wonderful mommy. Have you told your hubby how you are feeling? Do you have anyone you can talk to? Let me know if there is anything I can do and feel free to email me..saderangel@hotmail.com<BR>Love<BR>Broken_wings<P>Remember, this too shall pass.

Hi Ivc,<P>I can understand the way you are feeling. I am going through the samething. I have received great advice from the ladies in this forum which has help me tremendously. Like my husband and I you and your husband are in the begining of the court system,ordeal. My h and I have been to court 2 times, first to establish paternity, second time he did had to provide the financial disclosure documents, that your husband just received and child support was establish. Next month my H has a court date, because OW wants back due child support, also wants more money, she hire an attorney, we receive a 30 page documents,now she wants to dig in to our assets. My h is not filling out any documents unless is order by the court. <BR>I do not have much advice to tell you, the only thing I can tell you the way you are feeling right now is perfectly normal, since we are just in the begining of dealing with the consequesces of the affair and oc issue. What has help me so far in dealing with OW and OC is the wonderful advice that I have receive in this forum, where I can vent my anger. Good Luck and stay positive, I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us. <P>Take care!<P>

Mina and IVC,<P>I am 9 months past Dday and I clearly remember being so shocked and grieved that I felt like I had to remind myself to breathe. It does begin to get better. Until it does, I will continue to pray that God holds you in the palm of his hand, send you his Holy Spirit as a comfort, and that you are always aware that you are His precious child. Someday you will be asked by a friend or a family member how you are doing and you will be able to answer honestly that you are doing OK.<P>Mrs. Job

Dear IVC and Mina,<P>Mrs. Job is so right. It does get better. The beginning is so awful, you feel that you are being punished for some horrible crime that you didn't commit. You may even feel at times that God has abandoned you and that your life will never be worth anything again.<P>These feelings are so natural, but they do pass. Allow yourself to feel the anger and sadness when it comes. Tears have a way of sweeping the cobwebs out of your soul so that you can smile again and feel warmth again. <P>But keep looking towards brighter days. Read as much as you can -- self-help relationship books, motivational books -- these are wonderful morale builders. But, be assured that you are quite normal and that you will move forward.<P>We are all here for you to lean on when times get tough. My prayers are with you,<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Dear IVC,<P>My God how your post brought me back to those first<BR>weeks after finding out. I also sat in my son's room<BR>and cried for hours, weeks, months. I am a very stubborn<BR>person and it took the longest time for me to absorb<BR>what really happened. It was a long, hard year but<BR>I have to say that the pain does lessen and you do feel<BR>joy again. We have not gone thru the courts so I do not<BR>know how much more pressure that points on you but that<BR>too will pass. Just knowing that you are not alone in this,<BR>that many wonderful women and men have weathered the<BR>storm and survived, can be a lifesaver!<BR>I am so sorry for all you are going through.<BR>I'll keep you in my prayers. Love, Donna<p>[This message has been edited by fluke (edited May 31, 2001).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by IVC:<BR>[B prayers are being sent. Part of the hardest part for me at the beginning od the whole court thing was the unknown. i felt like we couldn't make any plans for vacation or getting a new car or anything because I had no idea how much cs we were going to have to pay... we got hit with 1250/month plus benefits plus 73% of non reimbursed. I hate it nut at least now i can make a bydget and hopefully won't have to deal with it for another 4 years. Just keep your child close to you, take that pain and see the love in your child's eyes. I hope the sun starts shinning for you soon.

IVC I know what you are going through. I wish I could help your pain go away.<P>I felt so hopeless in the begining too.<P>I hope you keep up the prayers.<P>I hope you receive great counseling.<P>I have been in that room crying before. Oh goodness I remember the pain all too well!<P>Some days simply disappeared from my life.<P>It would have been a disaster had I not prayed and found this site.<P>We will be here to listen...anytime.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....