Today I am going out wityh my huband for the first time. We have only been to counsel8ing 3x since we separated and I went into Plan B last Aug. I can't believe how nervous I am. Especially after realizing how ambivilent I feel about rtring to get back togeether. Don't get me wrong - I would love to reconsile but am tired of the pain,anxiety and mistrustfullness. I've gotten some good advice here. Keep it light..... try to enjoy each other but I'm busting at the seams to question him about the last 10 months etc. I won't!! But I hope my self-control is strong!!! I want to ask why did he let the OW name the baby after him and put a birth announcement in the paper!!! (Of all the nerve - right?) I want to ask where he has been living and what made him decide to come to counseling now? Iwon't do it!!!<BR>I will talk about the weather. Can I talk about the kids if one of his complaints was I didn't pay enought attention to him and too much to the kids? Well, wish me luck and cross your fingers I can keep my BIG MOUTH shut!!!<BR> Kris

I know how you feel. H is still living with me, but I am so nervous with him. It is hard to make light conversation when you feel it is all inconsequential when your world feels as if it is caving in! Try and enjoy the time together, I know, because the two dates my H and I have had since D did not go that well-I was not happy, wasn't that much fun, H was disappointed, although I told him he has to have patience with me-it is not easy for me to date him when I am not sure who he is anymore! Good luck and tell us how it is after the date. Kids are your binding to each other-maybe talking some of them will help, just not whole date. Good luck!

Good luck!! You are probably already there, but just be yourself. <BR> <BR>Let us know how it went.<P>happy_girl

Good luck, QM,<P>H used to be in the Navy and we endured long separations. One time he was gone 6 months. I had the whole house decorated with yellow ribbons, incuding a huge one with a bow across the bed. I was all ready for him to come home. I had dinner in the crockpot, I had new lingerie. I had been running for 6 months and lifing weights. I was ready. With the other wives in the squadron we had decorated the whole base and even our housing areas with signs, balloons, etc.<P>Well, the big day arrived and I drove over to the hanger on base to wait for his plane to come in. We had a big party there--lots of food and lots to drink. I forgot that I had taken migraine medication earlier that morning. I had two glasses of champagne and was drunk, drunk, drunk. I have never been a big drinker and should never have had *anything* to drink on top of medication. He had to drive home with me hanging out the window yelling in a drunk voice "Hey, my husband's home. Yee Ha!" When we got home I spent the next 24 hours barfing. "Hi honey, welcome home. Don't I look so lovely that you just want to crawl into bed with me right now? NO? Why not?"<P>Hope my date made for a light diversion. And, don't drink too much. let us know how it went.<P>Mrs. Job

Hey there Quakermom! Just wanted to wish you luck on your "date"...hehe and remember he is probably a basketcase too. Let us know how it went....<BR>Love<BR>bw

Hey Qmom,<P> BW is right. He is probably more nervous than you. Let us know how it went!! Good luck!!!<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

Hi I'm...... back........<P> I've had kind of a surreal evening. My husband picked me up and we went to a local pub and had some soup. (I had a diet coke, Mrs.Job!) My daughter's Spring Concert was later in the evening so we really had 11/2 hrs. tops. I never had invited him to her concerts or anything similiar since I went into Plan B because one of my firm beliefs is to not make any thing easy on him. Don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to stick it to him either (OK maybe a little) but I want him to either take some initiative in our recovery or I'm not interested.<BR> Anyway, just getting into his jeep was strange because I wanted so desperately to snoop!!! I didn't though. We went out and kept things fairly light. I did ask 1 or 2 probing questions. I did slightly brag how now the kids and I have "come through the fire" and are now closer than ever. When he talked about the OC he didn't sound connected to it at all . But he did talk about how much he missed our kids (who are all adopted as opposed to this his first biological child, which just goes to show you). He said he and the OW are just friends, they don't live together. But sometimes they might watch a video together and he does help with babysitting if she needs it. Could this really be true?<BR> So where does this all leave me? I don't know.I looked across at him at one point and said to myself, "I don't even know this man". Next week we see the counselor again. Any comments or suggestions?<P> Kris

Hey Kris,<P> cdcollins, the "Icewoman", would be the expert here!!<BR> I think you did great tonight!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

QM: Sounds like you handled yourself very well...did you look devastating? <P>Catnip =^^=

QM I'm happy you went on the "date". Sounds as if H is coming around.<P>One more thing...did you look devastating????(ol Catnip sure can put a smile on everyones face can't she?)<BR>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....